Those of you with grown children, do you ever just look at them and wonder
By youdontsay
@youdontsay (3497)
United States
July 7, 2008 8:27pm CST
who they are, really, and how they got that way?
I've just had a week with grown daughters and their families. And I can't figure out where they learned to parent! I didn't know who should be smacked, the grandkid or their parents!
Of course, I didn't do either. I don't tell my kids how to live their lives. But I really worry about what will become of kids who are allowed to grow up thinking they are the center of the universe and can do only what they want to do and not do what they don't.
Kids that sass their parents, whine, badger, whatever, to have things go their way really aren't being given a good chance at adulthood. They need to know that their are boundaries to behavior, that "no" means no, that whining doesn't change the world.
At one point I asked my seven-year-old grandchild "What part of 'no' don't you understand?" after he asked me repeatedly to allow him to do something I said he couldn't.
And they have to be entertained every waking moment. What happened to entertaining yourself by using your imagination? And they wonder why there are so many kids being diagnosed with ADHD. They are never in a non-stimulating place! Seven-year-olds with ipods? Crazy.
What about your grown kids? Are they raising their children the way you raised them or have they become really permissive?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
9 Jul 08
As I am estranged from my 40 year old daughter I do not look at her but when I think about her I wonder where my real child went to and who is this person who took her place.
1 person likes this
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
9 Jul 08
I'm sorry that things are that difficult between you. I know it must be painful.
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
8 Jul 08
Youdontsay, I take care of 2 of my grand children on a daily basis, they are as different than night and day when they are at my house and then when they are at home. Permissive is just the right word for it too. Not to be to critical of my Son and my daughter in law, I often see it as laziness on their part, they work so hard and long hours, then come home to chores meals and children that often they do not have the energy to parent and end up giving in because they are simply to tired to enforce rules.
The kids are completely different children when they are at my house. They know that thier actions have real consequences so they think before doing.
1 person likes this
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
9 Jul 08
You are right. Sometimes I think people are too busy these days to parent. The time, effort, and attention it requires is an inconvenience that many just let go of.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jul 08
my grown child is fifty and a bachelor so dont know why I a m even answering this except you cannot really undo your grown kids way of raising their kids. they will live and learn as we all did when we were young parents.i agree kids do need boundaries but grandmas generally should not interfere as it
causes a lot of grief. even my own mom got under my skin by her always saying should you let him do that? as if i were still
just ten years old. yes I should let him do that as he knew how to ride his bike and obeyed all the rules. yes it was not hers to interfere.
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
9 Jul 08
Oh, I don't tell them how to raise their kids, but when they are at my house I do insist on better behavior. It is my house, after all, and there are some things I just won't tolerate. I've never spanked one of the grandkids, but I sure have been tempted when they sass their parents or hit their siblings.
