Why is it not okay for a woman to choose not to be a mother?
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
United States
July 12, 2008 12:41am CST
A friend of mine chooses not to have children for various reasons and she posted something about it, which inspired this post. A lot of people are telling her that she should have children and it would totally change her view on the matter, whether she birthed them or adopted them. What i don't understand is why people cant seem to accept that some women are not meant to be mothers and/or simply cant be. Just because we are born female does not mean we will be motherly. If that was true why are there so many children abused by there mother? To me that is not very motherly. We are living in modern times where it is not the role of a woman to simply produce children, but rather we are given multiple choices in what we want to do with our lives. Also why cant it be accepted that some women are incapable of carrying a child and that it could kill them and the child if it was tried.
2 people like this
5 responses
@Tianna2 (1273)
• United States
12 Jul 08
I know that some people believe that a womens whole purpose for being here is to bear and raise children. I certainly dont follow this belief. While I hope to get married and have a child or two someday, I refuse to be a single parent and work to raise a child by myself. I think that if the couple decide against having children then its no ones business but their own.
Now if they ask the question on a forum or message board like mylot, then they shouldnt be complaining if they didnt get the answers they wanted. One of my pet peeves is when someone asks a question and then complains that they dont like what anyone has to say about it.
Cheers, Tianna
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Oh the discussion she started was not about having children it was about being a family without having children, if she is still considered a family with only her and her husband. Then it just turned into how she should want children and that we never know she might end up pregnant then having the child will change her mind.
1 person likes this
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
12 Jul 08
I meant to add that i wouldn't mind being a single mom myself, I want children just haven't been blessed yet, but i know its not for everyone and i respect your decision on that.
1 person likes this
@lazeebee (5461)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 08
Yup, people tell me that too. If I don't have my own, I should consider adopting. I feel that if I really want a kid, I'd rather bear one, than adopt. It's a conscious choice not to have any. Not that I don't love kids - I've nephews and nieces I adore - it's just that, like you said, not mother material.
We've heard of neglected kids, parents who are too busy with work to care for them sufficiently. It's no solution to just leave them in some care centers, or employ a babysitter or maid. The horror stories of maids ill-treating young children, or the irresponsibility of some centers 
. And I know I can't stay at home, mothering and nurturing! Most likely, I'd be the next child abuser! That's why I 'd rather not have children when I can't give them love and care they need, and a good start in their lives. 
. And I know I can't stay at home, mothering and nurturing! Most likely, I'd be the next child abuser! That's why I 'd rather not have children when I can't give them love and care they need, and a good start in their lives.
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
20 Jul 08
Its awesome that you realize that. Alot of parents don't realize that until after they have children.
@paid2write (5201)
•
12 Jul 08
You are right, not every woman wants to be a mother and some women may want to but cannot for medical or other reasons. I think a woman can have a full and meaningful life without ever having given birth or raised a child.
When a woman is married, or living with a partner, it should really be a joint decision. Some men want to have children and others do not, so it's important from the start that both partners feel the same way. If neither really wants a child it's much better to take precautions than to bring unwanted children into the world.
I know from my own childhood what it's like to be born as the result of an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. My mother already had one child and she really did not want another.
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
12 Jul 08
She has taken precautions to prevent pregnancy
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
i would hope its not because people think thats how is has always been type thing
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Some people hold on to the idea that all women want to be mothers.
My only caution in regards to anyone saying that they don't won't ever do X, Y or Z is that we never know where we are going to end up; life is a winding road. Perhaps, that is what some of the people who responded to your friend were thinking, but their responses came out in such a way that pushes all women into the mother role.
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Precautions have been taken to prevent her from becoming pregnant because its unsafe for her. And i see what you are saying about how people say things, and i wished people realize what they say and how it could be taken when they say. I try to cover my ground when i say something and make sure no one could take it offensively.
1 person likes this
