What Would You Do If You Were Being Rejected By A Friend?
By wachit14
@wachit14 (3595)
United States
July 19, 2008 12:26pm CST
I have a group of women friends. We used to get together quite often and once a year we go away for a weekend. For the last few months, I am beginning to feel a little "iced out" by at least one of the women. She has left me out of gatherings from time to time and has basically sent me subliminal messages that she would like me out of what she considers her little group.
This is not a person who handles confrontation very well so I am left to "grin and bear" it the few times we have been thrown together. I'm not sure how to handle the situation as I do like the other women and I do get together with them separately on occasion. What would you do if you were in my place? Would you confront that person or just ignore them altogether?
2 responses
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
19 Jul 08
Yes, that would be the perfect opportunity. That actually did happen, but a long while back and it's too late to bring it up now. I guess I'm still sensitive enough to not want to put the other person in an uncomfortable situation, even though they've done that to me.
@anawar (2404)
• United States
19 Jul 08
watchit- Within your group of friends, does everyone like the friend who is giving you the cold shoulder? Is anyone in the group aware she is cutting you out?
Some women are "catty" and I don't think confronting her will help. You might approach her by asking her "Is there something I did to upset you, because it feels like you don't want to be my friend anymore." (or similar words)
You aren't accussing her of anything, you are only expressing your feelings.
I belonged to a group of friends for three years and suddenly, I was cut out of all their plans. In fact, one day they were having lunch at my house and while my back was turned they were planning to go to one of the friends house for swimming and pizza.
I turned to them and said "I heard you making plans without me while I was in the kitchen. If you don't want me to come, then tell me to my face."
Of course they all fumbled around and told me I was included in their plans. I went for the pizza party, but after that, I decided I didn't want to be in their little group anymore. I was hurt and sad, but after awhile I didn't care.
You said you see the other women separately on occasion. I would foster those friendships and drift away from the friend who hurts you.
You're in a tricky spot, but I hope I helped a bit.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
19 Jul 08
Thanks for responding and yes your reply certainly did help. What I've been doing since is just fostering relationships that feel comfortable to me. I do have a group of book club friends that has a very different dynamic and it is much more comfortable to me so I've been gravitating to them. I'm not quite sure if the other women in the former group are aware of what's going on nor have I approached any one of them about it. I just know that the fact that I've been edged out a bit has created a bit of strain on the group itself.
I was at a party recently, in the home of one of the women. Maybe I was being paranoid, but I was sitting in the living room with one or two women having a nice conversation. When I looked out to the sliding glass doors onto the deck, I could see one of the women looking back over at where I was sitting more than once. Were they talking about me?? I have no idea, but it felt so "high school musical" to me and we are all well beyond that. I've since lost a lot of interest in doing group things with these people, although we do have a tentative movie date planned. The plan was set in motion by the woman who has been rejecting me, although she did include me in this. However, a date was chosen and confirmed before I could respond to confirm that I was available. I sent back an e-mail to her saying that I was available even though she had confirmed the date before I could answer. She did finally answer me back and apologized, but did she really get the message? I'm not sure, but I guess time will tell.
@anawar (2404)
• United States
19 Jul 08
I like you analogy of high school drama. That says it all. The email thing is so silly, why bother? Why bother wondering if she gets the point. If you're not enjoying your time with her, she's not your friend. Friends are there to comfort and console us. To laugh with and share with, not play email and catty games with us. Where's the pleasure in that kind of friendship?
Since you feel more comfortable with your new friends, I think that answers all your questions. You outgrew one group and that led you to a new group of friends.
good job! It's not easy to make friends.
