What to do with my 4 year old??

he's testing the water, it very hard but you have to be calm and firm without being too hard. It sounds like your doing the right things, just try not to give in and when he's calmed and you got to apologise give him a cuddle and let him play. kids will sense it if you are getting frustrated and they play up more. You'll be fine, its a phase

have you tryed just ignoring this behaviour, when he starts doing this just say nothing, walk into a different room and pretend you haven even noticed he is doing anything, i use this with my 3 year old and it works every time, she stops what she is doing as soon as she realises she isnt going to get any attention from me for something naughty, i used to use this on my other daughter aswell who is 5 now and she soon learnt that i didnt give any attention for bad behaviour so when she wanted my attention she comes and hugs me now

That's a tough one. Few years ago the recommendation may still have been to wash out his mouth with soap,lol. Anyhow, you need to be really strict with this one. He is four, he can take a day of grounding to his room. And what works with ours is the cleaning job like scrub the bathtub, a wall, part of the kitchen floor.... sounds harsh but it gives them time to think about what they did. At four he can scrub a couple of tiles or get some scratches off the wall... Eventually the thread of having to do that will stop mischief, at least in our house;)

My advise to you is to do what you say and say what you mean. If you do NOT want your son to grow up not respecting you and acting like a wild child you must take a bull by it's horns and make the change. Do somthing before the situation esculates. For Example: if you have problems with him throwing a fit before you go into the store. Before you get out of the car...have a calm discussion that there will be no treats bought today unless you behave the whole time in the store. If you do behave we will pick somthing out when it is time to go. Do not ask me if it is time to go or you lose the treat. If you do not behave in the store, you will lose the treat and when we get home you will also go to bed. Make this understood before entering into the situation. When you go in the store at the first sign or trouble remind him of the talk. Do not wait until there is a big problem. If it continues, follow through with what you have said. Do not argue or bargin with him. YOU are in control!! If you think about it this way... If your son continues to act out inappropriatly, people will begin to dislike being around him. I am speaking frankly because I have been through it. I feel like if I do not treach my child to get along with others and to act in a way that does not make people dislike him.... Well, then it is my fault that no one likes him. That may sound harsh but if you think about it- Our duty as a mother is to teach and dicipline as well as love. We are responsible to do that for our children. Don't let him down.

Hm. What situations does he do this in?

Could you take notes & write down? Keep a journal of his behaviours...? Maybe you'll see a pattern.

Is he jealous of his sisters? Do the sisters (or other kids) maybe treat him unfairly?

A neighbours' kid was very stubborn & tiresome from 4 up. He was the youngest of 4, & had 3 older sisters, but he seemed quite spoilt... & 'had to have his way' (although totally adorable!!)

What seemed to work best was distraction... eg, if a bunch of kids quarreled for who gets to be on the swing, & when, it was best to distract them with a completely different activity. 'Look what I found!' (I improvised, I found a flower & a bug, & some garbage, & before you know it the kids had cleaned the lawn, had a lot of fun, learnt which items are recyclables & compostables & which aren't, & begged 'when would we do it again!' lol)

Also, maybe he acts out if he gets bored? Maybe the 'big ones' don't want to deal with him, cause he's too small, & include him into their games, or he wants to play different, 'boy' games... Or maybe he got teased for being 'girly' by some other boys... (?)
You could brainstorm together for a solution to this problem.
If it's cause he gets bored, brainstorm together what he could do at this time instead? He can give some suggestions, you give some, & you write them down on a piece of paper. Then you can evaluate them together, & of course you have the final say in this! But you'd be surprised what kids can come up with!

It would be good to get to the bottom of this behaviour, & find out what it's all about. So when he calms down, & you calm down, you could try to talk to him, calmly, how it hurts other people when he does it, & ask him if he was angry or something? & that it's okay to tell you're angry with words, not with fists. Let him show you how angry he is with his hands.. Or draw how angry he is... (provide lots of newspaper paper & crayons, & safe place to draw or rip paper) Maybe you could teach him the 'silent scream'? (He can scream as much as he wants, but it has to be silent...-This may get kids tempted to 'try' & shout, tease you.. but at least the situation may become a bit more manageable..)

I also recommend a book by Elaine Mazlish: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen
Basically, try to acknowledge his feelings, say things like, 'Ooh, I can see you're really angry/furious/upset.. Can you tell me about it? What made you so upset?' If he seems to upset, maybe ask him to show you with his hands, how upset he is.. This way he'll see you're taking his emotions seriously..
Encourage calm talking instead of fighting..
There are other great books on talking to kids etc too, you could check your local library what they have.. The Nanny 911 series or such are really good for this sort of thing too, try to watch if you can. They're dealing with exactly this sort of behaviour, many times, & causes may be varied, but almost always parents don't really know how to properly talk & listen to their kids & show them respect & proper boundaries.

I also recommend 'good consequences' - eg 'We'll play Scrabble/have dinner/go outside & play (or whatever he likes) immediately when you calm down & we can all play...' (but try to not use it as a 'reward' of bad behaviour) Do make sure you have structured fun/play time together when he behaves well too.. & praise him specifically for what he does well..

Good luck with it all!!

What to do with your four year old......sell the child for a lot of cash and enjoy the holiday.
Just kidding. Time outs work, you just need to be patient. When on a time out, using a naughty step etc, do not, do not, do not speak to the child. No explanations, nothing. If the child moves out of the time out area, take him back without a single word, even if it takes hours.
After the time out, and after an apology, give a cuddle. And when he is being good tell him what it is he is doing good and give love to him.

For nasty coming out of the mouth, nasty goes IN! A eye dropper half full of organic apple cider vinegar works wonders. It tastes nasty, but is totally harmless and actually good for you so there is not issue with hurting him by using it. Consistancy is the key, use it EVERY time he says something naughty. If he doesn't acquire a taste for it, and some kids do, then he will get the message right quick like! LOL! Lotsa luck, mine is 4 yrs old also.