I've Been MIA  

I'm trying my hardest to keep going but dang it's hard! The past three months have been mostly hell for my family. I know it could be worse and almost was but it's just gotten to me the past few days and I'm at the bottom of the bucket trying to climb back out.

it's tought, and hard for others to understand. I spent just over a year and a half in the hospital because i was a threat to myself.

sometimes it's hard to get out of, but it is possible, believe in yourself, try to stay positive, and communicate as best as you can with your doctors

Wow. I'm so glad you've made it through that tough ordeal!! I've never been committed to a hospital but I've gotta tell you though, there were times where I should've been because I was so suicidal but thanks to family and friends and lots of counseling, I was able to make it through. Good luck to you my friend!!

Thanks danishcanadian.... I appreciate that. Oh I'm taking the meds for I have to or I'll go nuts in the REAL sense for it's been building and building during the three months, so far, and it's come to a head where I can't take it anymore. I'm withdrawing from everyone including my hubby and I don't want to do that. Mom has no idea how much of a load she's become and it's only because of her stubborn and hard headedness. ARG!!

Procrastination HELL!! My mother had a stroke in which she almost died three times and has been in the hospitals for 7 - 8 weeks, goes home and falls breaks a rib and fractures her pelvis and is in rehab, mother in law passes away, my cat gets hit by a car are only a FEW things that have been going on so there's NO procrastination going on here.

OMG. Then I' sorry I misunderstood your words there. Those are some really stressful situations to live in. But You could use the methods Isuggested rather than medicines to get around the problems. For all I know, medicines are good only to some extent, taken in excess, can cause problems which are not really required for a human being.

bourne

Amen c&d. So what was ever done about the cat anyhow? I can't recall anything more other than one discussion when it happened.

HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~

bournecaindelta please forgive me for snapping at you! I'm truly sorry. It's one of my worst times as you can see and it doesn't take much to set me off however, I should'nt have with you and for that I'm really sorry. BTW, I still rated you a positive though. I do agree with you about the meds but right now it's either take it or lose it and I'd much rather take it so I can "keep" it together. Did that make any sense? lol

Grandpa Bob my cat is doing pretty good considering the brain damage he sustained. For a while at first he couldn't walk then he was able to stand but would fall over and finally got the hang of it but he tires easily. He can't shake his head like cats do but he'll shake it to the right one time and that's it. He's become an indoor cat for the most part but he misses the outdoors something awful in which hubby and I take him out on a leash and let him lay to enjoy the fresh air. He can jump too but not as well as he could before. All in all though, he's doing pretty darn good considering. He's alive and very clingy to me now. He wants to be with me all the time which is just fine with me! lol

Its ok. I think I would have snapped and would have been angry if I were you. It's just natural, so you need not apologize. But understand my appeal about the meds. They are really bad. And how about your friends and family? Don;t you have anyone at home or close to you to share your dismay?

bourne

Thanks for being so understanding. LOL I did snap, didn't I? LOL As for my friends and family, my husband and I are from Virginia and hubby was in the army and just retired a little over a year and a half ago and we opted to settle down in North Carolina instead of going back to what we call HELL which is our home town. We're 4 1/2 hours from our home town. My parents decided to move from HELL too, after 30 something years of living there however, they're still in Virginia but only a half hour's drive north of us, they're on the border of Virginia and North Carolina and we're in North Carolina/Virginia border as well but we're in North Carolina. So we're all away from all we knew, especially my parents since they just moved here a year ago so they're making new friends but all our family is 4 hours away. I'm the only one here that's close by. Lucky me, eh?

You know what? I just saw your avatar and I've got to ask, are you deaf? Or do you know someone who is? The reason I'm asking is because your avatar stands for "I love you" in sign language and I'm legally deaf. I don't know sign language except for bits and pieces and need to learn badly but haven't yet. But I am curious to why you picked that avatar.

No. I ain't deaf, but it was goo to know that this sign means something. I never knew about it. I was bored out of my mind and wanted to try the new laptop's camera I had got, so I just took a snapshot of what I could and this is my usual signature with my friends and all. So I go it on and it came out beautifully. That's that with the avatar. Sorry for the late response, I was a bit busy these days.

bourne

Ohhh that's so sweet of you to say!! I've missed you too which is why I had to post something to let you know what's going on with me which is basically nothing but depression. UGH! I'm still going to see mom on Tues and Fri unless things change and we still help dad out when ever he needs it. Like Sunday, their two dogs needed a bath and dad's never done that before and they needed frontline put on so I went up there and did it for him. No biggy really but it does cost me gas to get up there which we don't have but I just keep on going. Saw mom today at the hospital, she was getting x-rays on her swollen legs because the nurses thought she might have a blood clot but the tech said that she saw no evidence of one but we wait for the test results from the doctor tomorrow. Just something else to worry me to death about.

Please don't think of doing anything stupid for I'm surely not. It would hurt so many of your family and friends. Have you tried zoloft? That's what I'm on and it works great for me. The reason I'm so down and out is because of the hell I've been put through these past three months. My mom had a really bad stroke and almost died three times and was in the hospital for 7 - 8 weeks, came home and fell a few times in which she broke a rib and fractured her pelvis and found out that one of her kidneys is dead and the other has a huge stone in it, my mother in law passed away, my cat got hit by a car.... these are just a few things that I've been put through and is why I'm so down and out. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in getting yourself on the right track. I applaud you for reconizing the problem. Good luck!

LOL Silly you grandpa Bob!! I could never ever get bored of you!! Silly wabbit, tricks are for kids!! LOL Gotta love it!!
I did have three pages full of discussions but some how I lost them all. Like I said, such is life. and shall I add, life will go on! lol
How much is the other mug? Let me pay you for it!

$200 is the cost. Now are you willing to pay? Or take them as a gift? We can figure the cost out later if I decide their is a cost. For now you don't have them so don't worry about it. Hee hee hee!

HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~

Thank you!! You're so very kind!! I'll find my way some how some way but it's going to take some down time before I can find that light at the end of this long long tunnel but I'll find it when it shows itself again. Thanks again my friend!

Thanks for your kind words Feona. It's just that the past three months have been pure hell for me and having post manic stress disorder doesn't help things any. I have manic depression and anxiety too. My mom having the worst kind of stroke and almost died three times and the after affects with her falling breaking a rib and fracturing her pelvic bone and her independence that she won't let go which is one of the reasons why she fell, and then my mil passed away, my cat got hit by a car but he survived but is brain damaged, dad and his skin cancer surgery and getting really sick after that, my car breaking down amoung other things, it's all gotten to me. I'll be ok though in due time just that I need to take some time out for myself to regain my sanity.

Oh, my goodness.....You surely have been dealt a handful...That is way more than you should have to deal with....I am so very sorry for all that you have been through....

I sure can understand why your are feeling the way you are.....and you have every right to feel this way...

You are in my prayers....Please take care of yourself and hopefully in time this will all pass...

Just when I think I am having a bad day, I am going to come back here and read your response to mine...no one should have to go through all of what you're going thru....

Hugs to you.....

Yes I do have a thyroid problem but it's not the cause of my depression. Look at the response above yours and you'll see why in greater detail. It's too much to have to retype again and again. Thanks for the advice though!!

Hi Polly.... Thanks for being so understanding. I have basically let myself go for so long that I am trying to get myself back again but I guess I've let it get me too far and that's why I've had to let something go for a few days till I could get myself back on track once again. It's been a hard road but I'm still trying. If only my mom wasn't so dang independent and determined, she wouldn't be where she is right now but she made the choice, I didn't and now she has to pay for that choice. I won't let her bring me down this time around because she did this to herself this time by being so darned stubborn.