Why is she doing this to me?
By dolce_vita78
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
Philippines
August 13, 2008 10:38am CST
My best friend removed me from her list of friends at Friendster.com. 
Early this year, my best friend and I chatted online to discuss my plans of studying abroad. She even offered me to stay in her place (she is based in the UK). I was so excited. After sending each other emails about my plans, she just went MIA. At first, I thought she was just busy because she really gets very busy at times. I sent her emails and offline messages through Yahoo! Messenger anyway. I never got any reply from her. Still, I thought, maybe she is just busy with her work. Sometime in March, I called her. It was her boyfriend who answered her phone and well, they let me wait for over 10 minutes. Yes, I called her from the Philippines so you can just imagine how much I spent for that call. In late March, I had a problem with my boyfriend and even if I knew she wouldn't respond, I emailed her about my problem. I never heard from her. Late last month, when I checked my friendster account, she was no longer on my list. I thought maybe she deleted her account (again). But when I checked on the lists of our common friends, she was on their list. That simply means that she did not delete her account but deleted me from her list instead. I emailed her to ask her what is going on. Well, she never replied. I am so clueless as to what happened.
What do you think is the reason why she is doing this to me? Do you have any advice as to how I should deal with this?
Early this year, my best friend and I chatted online to discuss my plans of studying abroad. She even offered me to stay in her place (she is based in the UK). I was so excited. After sending each other emails about my plans, she just went MIA. At first, I thought she was just busy because she really gets very busy at times. I sent her emails and offline messages through Yahoo! Messenger anyway. I never got any reply from her. Still, I thought, maybe she is just busy with her work. Sometime in March, I called her. It was her boyfriend who answered her phone and well, they let me wait for over 10 minutes. Yes, I called her from the Philippines so you can just imagine how much I spent for that call. In late March, I had a problem with my boyfriend and even if I knew she wouldn't respond, I emailed her about my problem. I never heard from her. Late last month, when I checked my friendster account, she was no longer on my list. I thought maybe she deleted her account (again). But when I checked on the lists of our common friends, she was on their list. That simply means that she did not delete her account but deleted me from her list instead. I emailed her to ask her what is going on. Well, she never replied. I am so clueless as to what happened.
What do you think is the reason why she is doing this to me? Do you have any advice as to how I should deal with this?8 people like this
25 responses
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
15 Aug 08
Hi dolce_vita78! Just let it go dear! This is a cruel because she just went MIA without any explanation and deleted you in her friends' list just like that. If you didn't do anything to make her act like that towards you then I think she does not deserve a friend like you. She is not worthy to be your friend. I wouldn't want to second guess why she is doing this to you or why she just turned cold over your friendship. Just maybe she has a lot of problems and she can't deal with you at this time. Just pray for her and hopefully, things will clear up between the two of you.
Take care always..God Bless!
2 people like this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
Thank you very much for your concern faith!
1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Well, she lives on her own in the United Kingdom. Her family is right here in the Philippines...
@ellie333 (21016)
•
13 Aug 08
Hi Dolce_vita, This is very strange behaviour from a best friend, did you actually know her or was it an online only friendship? Maybe if online only she got cold feet about letting you come and stay in the UK but even so still very strange behaviour to not explain why she has suddenly just cut you from her life. I would be upset but I really can't say what the reson for this is. What she is doing must be very hurtful for you though and also not knowing the reason why too. You have tried contacting but have had no response so I suggest you move on from it as you can do no more than you have already done. Good luck for you future plans and I hope you find a genuine friedn that you can stay with for your studies in the UK. Ellie :D@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Hi ellie!
Ours was not an online friendship so to speak. We know each other personally. We practically knew each other since we were younger. Thank you for your support ellie!
PS... maybe I can stay with you for a while... 
just kidding!
just kidding!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
14 Aug 08
I am sorry that this happened to you, I do not know why she would do that but it is not a very nice thing to do. Not especially as you thought she was a good friend.
I am not sure that there is a lot more that you can do, you have tried to get in touch with her in all the ways you know. If she is not responding then it would be best to just leave her to it.
2 people like this
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Hi friend!
I'm sorry for whats happening between you and your friend in UK. No one can really guess whats going on in her mind for her actions. But I suggest maybe you should not let yourself be bothered by it anymore and rather concentrate on what you are doing right now and your plans of studying abroad. Anyways you still have a lot of friends. Besides you have done what you can do to reach her and your messages does gets to her for sure. She read it all so she knows you're troubled by whats happening in your friendship. She just chooses to ignore you.
You have done your part for your friendship. The problem is not in you anymore. Though I still hope that someday you'll be able to patch things up. Good luck on that.
Ciao!
I'm sorry for whats happening between you and your friend in UK. No one can really guess whats going on in her mind for her actions. But I suggest maybe you should not let yourself be bothered by it anymore and rather concentrate on what you are doing right now and your plans of studying abroad. Anyways you still have a lot of friends. Besides you have done what you can do to reach her and your messages does gets to her for sure. She read it all so she knows you're troubled by whats happening in your friendship. She just chooses to ignore you.
You have done your part for your friendship. The problem is not in you anymore. Though I still hope that someday you'll be able to patch things up. Good luck on that.
Ciao!@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Well, I sure did all I can do to reach her... Thanks for your concern iskayz!
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
14 Aug 08
Hum ... it's really sad that your friends doesn't care with you anymore, well i hope she's not, this is only my thought, is it possible that your friend heard anything bad news about you from others? Coz in my view from your story, she is just stop any conversation from you, just like that, no winds, no storm but gone just like that ... isn't it strange?? Well, am i right? You should get to know from your other friends, maybe you will get heard anything about her lately ...
1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
I have not said nor done anything bad against her. Bad news about me? Like what? I have not been involved in anything illegal or anything bad for that matter. Our common friends are also clueless at this time...
Our common friends are also clueless at this time...
@chicha0522 (648)
• Guam
14 Aug 08
that is so sad, I know how it feels.. you feel like you lost your bestfriend or you already lost her.
Right now, all I can say is move on. It will always remain a mystery why she never answered you back or why she deleted you from her friendster.
My best friend just called me up and said, lets stop being friends, when I asked why, he said, just for trips, I'm in the mood to just not be friend. OUCH!!!
1 person likes this
@rosedust82 (2066)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
That's strange... It would really be difficult to know why she just sort of dropped you off her life. Come to think of it, she's supposed to be your best friend right? Have you tried asking your common friends? Maybe you can ask someone you trust and who is still in touch with her as to what's going on. I mean not ask like straight out but just casually drop the question. There must be a pretty big reason why she did that. On your part, if she really does not want to communicate with you, then let it be... I would probably write an email and tell her my sentiments, afterwards, I'd let things sort of flow. I don't want to force someone who obviously does not want to keep in touch anymore. Just make sure that you don't burn the bridge or connection. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
14 Aug 08
dolce, I hate it but I feel you may as well forget about this person. This happens sometimea and as you can see it's for no rason. Or you don't get one. I had this happen to me too. All we can do is let it go. Don't let it eat you up inside. There is nothing you can do about it and it probably has something to do with the boyfriend she has. And nothing to do with you at all.
Maybe one day it will all be explained to you and maybe not. Just move on with your life and have the best time with everything that you can.
I myself would never do anyone this way. I respect everyone more than this and think anyone deserves more than this when you drop them from your list you need to let them know why. Not to let them just be hanging. It's not right that this was done to you, me or anyone else. But don't dwell on it. You are a good person and you have many good friends here that value you as a friend.
I for one value you as my friend. Have a good day dear and hang in there.
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10559)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
to tell you the truth i deleted a friend at friendster too. but i have a reason. i send her a private message on her friendster and after a month there were no response. i tried it again still there was no response. i look at her profile and she updated it. even uploaded new pictures. i got so hurt that because she seems not caring at all i deleted her from my friends list and change my profile to a private one. she can no longer view what is going on with me. i was hurt. i havent done something wrong for her to treat me that way. but on your side that is different. you are still having communications with her then suddenly one day this happened. maybe she trying to hide something form you. maybe his boyfriend has something to do with this. maybe the boyfriend is against of you going to live with them or something. i wish you can find out what really happened. maybe your friend needs help. why not make a different friendster not saying who you really are just to know what is going on with her.... is my suggestion bad? i dont know i think its okay
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Maybe she is hiding something from me... Maybe the boyfriend doesn't want me around or live with them...
I think your suggestion is cute but I don't think it would work on her.
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
hi dolce_vita!
wow. that's clearly a sign that she's avoiding you. its a bad thought since, as you said, she is your bestfriend and if there's something wrong, she should tell you. is she a Pinay too? how did you become bestfriends? because if you became bestfriends only thru the internet, then it would be really difficult to know what's she's thinking and what's happening to her. i mean, you may know a lot of things about her but you don't really know her personally, what she does there, who are her friends there, what her friends are telling her. i mean, she might have changed her mind regarding your visit. someone must have influenced her or something made her changed her mind like a bad news regarding Filipinos.
anyway, i wouldn't want to be thinking that way if i were in your shoes. i'd rather think that she's busy with work and someone must have accessed her friendster account and erased you from her friend list. someone who probably doesn't want you to be friends with her. its a crazy thought but there's a possibility. i just think that she wouldn't change her mind on her own. someone or something must have influenced her. but i think you should give her more time before you conclude on why she is doing that to you. she's just probably caught up on something.
i hope everything will be cleared to you soon.
wow. that's clearly a sign that she's avoiding you. its a bad thought since, as you said, she is your bestfriend and if there's something wrong, she should tell you. is she a Pinay too? how did you become bestfriends? because if you became bestfriends only thru the internet, then it would be really difficult to know what's she's thinking and what's happening to her. i mean, you may know a lot of things about her but you don't really know her personally, what she does there, who are her friends there, what her friends are telling her. i mean, she might have changed her mind regarding your visit. someone must have influenced her or something made her changed her mind like a bad news regarding Filipinos.
anyway, i wouldn't want to be thinking that way if i were in your shoes. i'd rather think that she's busy with work and someone must have accessed her friendster account and erased you from her friend list. someone who probably doesn't want you to be friends with her. its a crazy thought but there's a possibility. i just think that she wouldn't change her mind on her own. someone or something must have influenced her. but i think you should give her more time before you conclude on why she is doing that to you. she's just probably caught up on something.
i hope everything will be cleared to you soon. 1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
We are friends offline... I mean we are friends in real life and not through the internet...
@austere (2812)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
well, maybe she just have a problem. she cannot do that for no reason, or unintentionally yuou have done something that might have hurt her. well, i just cant think of any reason why she will get cold like that if she is really your bestfriend. well, my bestfriend and i have small fights, but everytime, we say sorry to each other. you can try talking to her, ask her why, she should tell you, if she is not answering now, just give her time, she will open up with you in time!
she cannot do that for no reason, or unintentionally yuou have done something that might have hurt her. well, i just cant think of any reason why she will get cold like that if she is really your bestfriend. well, my bestfriend and i have small fights, but everytime, we say sorry to each other. you can try talking to her, ask her why, she should tell you, if she is not answering now, just give her time, she will open up with you in time!
@zhaosonghan (1039)
• China
14 Aug 08
I know while you regard someone as best friend and share all of your plane,you must be happy,because you think you have already make a the best friend.you must be sad when she do some things that you don't know why.You know,actually i think you don't know what people she is,you don't have a contact with her in the real society,you don't know her habit,her behavior,and she don't tell all things about herself(maybe you don't think so),at the beginning you communicate each other in a virtual world,i always think friends on the virtual world must not been a 'real' friend in the real society,you don't care it,you can make more friends soon.You already had mail her,you just only wait,if she have some trouble and want to reply you,she will do,something you don't pay more care,you should cherish people who are around you.
1 person likes this
@msedge (4011)
• United States
18 Aug 08
I have also a friend that did almost the same as yours.Before i moved here in the US we lived together in my country.We were childhood friends and most of all best friends.At first we still communicate with each other but not very often although we have our own computer at home.Then suddenly she disappeared and don't want to talk to me.I do value our friendship so much but i guess she didn't.I need to move on with my life because i have a daughter but i still care for her no matter what.Perhaps you should do the same.Why would you force yourself trying to communicate with the person who never cares.Or she might have her reason but we don't know until she will talk and tell you.
@checapricorn (16060)
• United States
13 Aug 08
Hi dolce,
[i]Wow...this is strange for me since no misunderstanding as well as no arguments!
Anyway, it's hard to guess but at the same time, It's also hard for you to keep on reaching her and she is not even saying even a single word!
Maybe it is because of your coming over to UK? I'm not sure! maybe her bf don't like you to stay with them and since she can't afford to tell you that, she prefers to ignore you?
How about asking your common friends if she happen to mention to them about your situation? Just my opinion! Clueless here too! strange![/i]
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
I tried asking our other friends about it but they also do not have any idea. Maybe you are right about that part about her boyfriend. That time when she was offering me her place, she was not in a relationship then. After a few weeks of going MIA, I learned that she was already in a relationship. Oh well, yeah maybe, something like what you said...
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16060)
• United States
13 Aug 08
At least you know her limitations in your friendship because if she is truly a best friend, she will be open to you about things! Or maybe she has also some struggles this time!
@aRiSdGrEaT (621)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
I am very sorry to hear that strange story. Yeah at first you will be clueless of what strange is happening to her. What is the real problem. And Why did she chose to stop your communication.
At first, I guess she was not that too bus. You mentioned about how she offered you to stay at her in UK. Maybe that promise was broken by any reason, so she is shy to tell you that she cant anymore offer you to stay with her. So she just kept silent and eventually stay off from you in anyways.
Second, maybe someone is dictating her to do so. Someone is behind her silence. Someone is manipulating her in order not to communicate with you.
Lastly, maybe she heard a rumor about you. And told her that she must keep away from you.
Anyways, I just hope that you will eventually know the real reason behind this. Just be strong. She is still your bestfriend. Goodluck and I wish you two will be ok soon.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Is this an online friend? or a person friend who just went and stayed in the UK?
Anyhow, if it's an online friend. Always remember that no friendship or relationship for the matter is real until the two of you met and did some real experiences together.
Anyhow, if this friend is someone who already know personally. Then the point of the story when she doesn't even bother reply and even deleted you is that she's not a very good friend and you were wrong for treating her as your best friend. Obviously the person doesn't see you as her best friend. If she did, even if she could no longer offer her place, she could just refer you to some place knowing that you need a place to stay rather than just going A-WOL on you.
I doubt it's because of the boyfriend. Because the boyfriend wouldn't even bother about her friendster account right? If he's the jealous type, he should have let her delete every single person there. The mere fact that it's only you who got deleted simply means that she's no longer interested in having you for a friend. The reason isn't very clear but I'm sure there is a valid reason for it.
Anyhow, let her be and don't waste your time seeking the answers. The answers will come to you in due time.
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@schulzie (4061)
• United States
14 Aug 08
It is hard to say why she did this, but you have done all you can do. Just move on with your life and try not to think about it anymore. It is not worth the energy you are putting into it. Some people do strange things like this for reasons we will not understand. Just remember that if she were really a true friend she would not be treating you like this.
So consider this a life lesson and move on. Sometimes people are really not your friends, but are more like acquaintences that come and go.
Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
So consider this a life lesson and move on. Sometimes people are really not your friends, but are more like acquaintences that come and go.
Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
@cecelgay (563)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Its quite obvious that she dont want to have any communication to you and very obvious that she dont want you anymore, you're reaching her out but in she keep on avoiding you, there is a problem, a big problem, maybe on your friend's part you are not her friend anymore. since she keep on ignoring your e-mails and she even delete you in her list of friends in fiendster there's no other way of communicating to her anymore but your common friends, talk to your common friends why did she keep on avoiding you, maybe they know what's the reason behind.
But one thing i assure you there is a big thing that make her decide to avoid you or even consider that your not her friend anymore... if there's a will there's a way.
1 person likes this
@iambaiyunlvshui (122)
• China
14 Aug 08
maybe she has her own difficulty in the uk .she donnot want you to go to uk .but please be happy for you still other friends
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Oh well, whether she likes it or not, I am going to UK because I am going there to further my studies.
