If You Were A Man How Would You Feel To Be Told You Are A Father Of A 17 Yr Old

OH My what a shock that must have been! I think anyone would feel overwhelmed with emotion on hearing such a thing and the main one would be joy but I think their would be some resentment and bitterness over all that had been missed in the last 17 years! I do hope that he can build a fantastic bond with his son and that they have a wonderful relationship! xxx

That's one heck of a story you got there, Ellie! I would be thrilled to know that I have a son, but very angry at the same time for taking away the chance to be with him during his childhood. Children are allways in the middle of these things and I regret that. Even if she had her reasons not to see him that should never affect the bonding of him and his son, or so I personally believe. My parents had no contact with my fathers father and mother (so my grandpa and grandma) as they had a huge fight. When I started to ask about grandmothers and fathers and if I had another grandma (I only knew one grandma) my parents told me that they had grown-up people problems with them but that my grandma and grandpa loved me a lot and they would be happy to take me to meet them whenever I wanted to. I think this is a great solution, I had the chance to meet them and judge for myself. I loved my grandpa, he passed away; god rest his soul. My grandmother is still alive but I haven't got contact with her anymore, but I am 22 now and this is because of personal reasons rather then my parents keeping her away from me.

That poor kid- that woman should be ashamed of herself for not disclosing her son's father. That man should be more than p1ssed at her for taking the ability to help raise his child away from him. It's unbelieveable. He missed his son's whole young life. I guess the good is that he can have a relationship now with him. I wonder if the son is p1ssed at the mother, I would be if I was him as well.

id be pissed over the lie. and this woman will be damned lucky if her son ever beleives anything she ever tells him again.

If I was a man I think I would do the best I can like you friend seems to be doing and be happy that I have a son. The past can not be changed but I could be a good father now that I know, 17 years can be both a short and a long time, there are still lots of experiences to be shared and that young man still needs his father. As for the mother she is not alone on bad choices, I also hold the father responsible for not looking back.

my initial instinct is that if everything worked out ok and there is no resentment then this is probably how it needed to pan out for it all to be beneficial for each party involved. If the child had been unappy and had needed him there and not been able to see him or didn't even know about him when he could have offered support then i probably would have reacted how you did at first. I know it seems unfair on your friend but it's probably what was required in the cosmic balance of things because he has learned things from his mothers partner or non blood dad and now he will learn things and build a new relationship with his blood dad. She may not have realised the issues about the children and may not have wanted to burden him. Or she may not have been able to cope with still being in contact but not actually being with him. There are always alot of factors involved and she made the best decision she could at the time. She didn't have to reveal it but she has chosen to and your friend seems elated, be happy for him, enjoy this new relationship with him. You can not change the past and you are wasting energy being mad at something of which you have no control.

I am a lady. I would not do this to someone. I don't know why she did, no one knows but her and maybe him. I'b be glad to know I had a child no matter the age and want to get to know him. It is good there is no resentment of him not being there. Maybe she told the child that she never told his dad. I think she owes him and explination about why she never told him and then move on from that. At least he would know why he missed out on all of those years.

I would be upset. After all, we are talking about a man who wanted children and the one woman he went with, got pregnant and did not tell him about it. And I am sure that she knew how much he wanted children. Maybe she pretended she did not want any, maybe he was not making enough money, maybe she feared rejection, but she should have told him. She also kept it from the child, which was a good thing, or maybe she had no excuse that he did not beat up on her and abused her. Her husband should have known though. She was dishonest not only with her former lover but also with her husband. What would have happened if the son got in an accident in a small village where they did not have the modern equipment, and the husband was there and the blood types did not match? He missed out on teaching him how to kick a football, taking him to the baseball game, fishing, and all that guy stuff. At least they can make up for it, but who can make up for not being able to watch his son toddle his first steps?

Hi dear well what if he had kid do u think he will want to know if he had kid when he had one night stand

That must have been really shocking for him, I am not sure how I would feel about that. Angry, hurt and shocked. I would have wondered how come the person could have kept it from me for so long, and what I had done to deserve it. He now has to try and build a relationship with the child and get to know him knowing he has missed out on 17 years. My son has never met his father either, he is now 16 years old. This is not because of me being spiteful but because he was not interested in being a dad. Had he been a good person I would not have kept them from each other.

I would, every child is a gift from God, it wouldn't matter if it took 17 years to open the package or not. I hope they can enjoy the memories each of them had growing up, even though they were differnt I'll bet some things are threaded together.

If i am a man and be told that i am a father of a 17 year old i would be happy abou that and would do everything to make those times that i wasn't there in his life.A child is a blessing and i would feel so bless to have a child.

Wow, what a nice guy. How could he not feel angry at the woman for keeping his son from him for 17 years. Did it never occur to her in the last 17 years at any point to mention it to him? Why now, because they happened to bump into each other? There sounds like somethings missing to this story. I would think that he would have more questions and just a bit more resentment for being kept away from his child all those years. I don't know, maybe it's me but I'm just not getting this one Ellie. I just feel really bad for your friend.

wow, i would be angry at first but soon very happy, then I'd want some younger children

Wow...that would be huge and so much to take on board. Not sure if I could handle it adequately. We have a new show called "Find My Family" It's been on two weeks now and I've been blubbering through it. It's about people finding their parents or other family. Last night it was a man who has a son of about 5 and a new baby and he wanted to find his Mum now that he has kids of his own. He was adopted by a loving family and bore her no ill will. I'm sure there are cases where the child or parent simply don't want to know. I imagine there would be many scenarios but the remorse some women must feel at giving up their baby could be very damaging. When my girls were born there was no government assistance for unwed mothers. If your family put pressure on you to give up the child that's what you had to do. If you wanted to keep your baby you had to have total support from your family or let your parents help raise the child or marry the father because you couldn't raise the child otherwise...unless you had a good paying job and could afford help. There were lots of shotgun marriages that eventually failed ... my own being one of them.

Oh this is so sad for your friend to want a child for so long and then to find out that you have one and that you have missed all his childhood years and if I was your friend I would be so angry at the woman for keeping it a secret! She had no right to that to your friend or to the child. The father of my children is not the best role model in the world and to honest is not someone that you would want for the father of your kids but he is there father and he doesnt have much to do with them but that is his choice not mine as he is one of these fathers that cant be bothered but anyway the kids know him and it is up to them if they want to know him or not but it is not up to me to decide that for them as they are their own person. But anyway I am glad that your friend now has that son that he has so long wanted and hope that they can make up for the lost time.

i would be shocked. i would want to know why i am just finding out about this now. i should have been told then i may have a child. i could have taken a dna test to find out if that is a possiblility. why made the mother keep this from me. if the child is mine. its going to be hard trying to make up for lost time.

I'm not a man, But my husband went threw almost the same thing. Only his son was 30 years old before he found out about him. I remember that when we had been married for about 5 years, he got a letter from a guy looking for his father. The only problem with the letter is the guy didn't say who his mother was. So my husband read the letter and when I ask him, who it was he said that so poor kid looking for his dad. I wish I could help, but I know where all my children are. Little did he know, he didn't. About 3 years ago. After he went to bed. The phone rang. It was a women, she wanted to talk to my husband. I ask her who she was and she said she was my husbands daughter in law. She was married to my husbands son, and she gave his name. I told her he didn't have a son with that name. She said yes, he left his mom when he found out she was preganent. I told her then she was call the wrong person. You see my husband had been married several times. And he married 2 of his ex wifes because they were preganent. He would not have left on for that reason. He loved kids. I told her she would have to give me more information before I would even consider talking to him. So she went on to tell me, who his mother was, where they were married, and how long they had been together. Then she hit the right information. I knew about all my husband marrages and knew this was right. I told her, I was not going to wake him, that I would take her number and talk to him the next morning. I didn't feel right waking him up from a deep sleep to say, "you have a son you didn't know about" he would think I was creazy. Before I could go see him at his job, she called back to tell me, I was right. Her husbands mother never told my husband about the child. She couldn't beleive I was so calm about the hole thing. I told her it's not like your telling me he has a 5 year old child, I wouldn't be calm over that!. When I got to my husbands job. I told him I needed to talk to him. He thought there was something real bad. and had a funny look on his face. I told him, Did you know that you had a son you didn't know about. He looked at me and said WHAT!! So I went on to tell him the story the women told me on the phone the night before. and gave him the phone number to call her. He sat there for a couple of minutes and said "what do you think?" I told him, it's not like it's a child born during out marraige, I'm not stupid, I realize you had a passed befor us. and you had been married before. So he called, and got to know his son. What I am trying to say, is maybe she did have her reasons. But the past is the past, you can't change it, you can only take the blessing that are given to you and enjoy the moment. And create memorys. Yes, I understand the anger, my husband felt them to. He lost out on 30 years of his son growing up and not being a part of his life. But he knew nothing he did would change the past. So he has just enjoyed the time he has had, and created memories of the begainning and learning of how his son grew up. He still holds alot of anger for his ex-wife. But, like he said. He doesn't have to deal with her, and she is still NOT a part of our lives. But his newly found son and his family is.

Wow - how wonderful for the man to find he had a son - and especially good that the son is excited to meet and get to know his father. I'm not sure what I'd feel about the mother keeping it to herself - I suppose there could be a few reasons for her actions, and without knowing the people involved it would be hard to judge. Maybe she was in love with someone else? Obviously the first couple had split up before her pregnancy was showing - maybe she felt the man would always resent her and feel trapped, and decided she would absolve him from any responsibility. I'm assuming the son is definitely the progeny of the first man, and that this has been established by a DNA test?

Well I'm not a man, but I can relate to the discussion. Several days ago my son got a phone call from an ex girlfriend. She is married with three children, and my son is going thru a divorce with two of his own children. She called to tell him that she thinks her oldest daughter is my son's child. He was in shock. She said she doesn't want anything, nor does she want a paternity test, but she thought he should know. My son called me in tears. He had been crying for over an hour. After discussing it with him we have decided to go on the assumption that the child is not my son's, since she doesn't want tests and it can't be proven. He doesn't want to think of it as his if he has no rights to it, and I don't want to think of having a grandaughter I'll never see. I really don't understand how a woman can do this. Don't they understand the man has rights too? Think of the years they miss out on while the child is growing up. Its not fair to the father, nor to the child.