Use a fork! or choose your battles...

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My husband was doing homework with our son who was getting very, very frustrated, which is a normal situation with him right now. He gets tired, he starts guessing, when he gets corrected he gets upset. So we were taking a break for dinner, spaghetti. My son prefers to use a spoon. Don't know why, he just does. My husband told him to use a fork. When he continued to use a spoon he asked him again more sharply. My son, who wasn't quite over his homework upset, started crying about this. I gave my husband a look and he got upset at that. I was going to discuss it later actually, I don't like airing disagreements in front of the children. But he started talking about it straight out, so I told him that this wasn't the time to pick that battle. The child was already upset. Why insist on the fork right now? It was just getting him more upset and with more homework to follow. So questions: Why do men get so danged upset when their sons cry? Why bark out commands instead of handling things more gently? Why insist on fighting such a stupid little battle? Why air the whole thing right in front of the children? PS to put the whole thing in context, my son has autism.