I just finished spending an hour on the phone with a friend about her husband   

I just got off the phone after talking to her for over an hour about her marital situation. She and her husband have been married 6 years in December. When they were dating and first married he was a loving attentive husband who really showed that he cared about her. But through the years it has changed a LOT!!!!

He now tells my friend who she can talk to and who she can't, he gets mad at her if she says anything when he sees his doctor (she goes in with him because he won't tell the doctor what is going on and he can't remember some of the problems he needs to discuss with the doctor). When they go to the store he is the same way, if she says something he doesn't like he will get mad and yell at her in public. He is domineering about what she buys...so she will grocery shop when he isn't with her. He is constantly criticizing her clothes in public. She scheduled a home party and he got mad because it would be "HIS" money buying the party supplies. She left her job to take care of him...six years ago she knew about his heart problem and was determined to take care of him until he needed the surgery.

When he had the surgery she sat by him daily. She was the one that helped him clean himself after using the bed pan, she was the one that fixed his meals and helped him out of bed. She was the one that helped him bathe himself. Also she did the work that he was supposed to do around the apartment complex for reduced rent. He didn't even say thank you for all the extra work she did.

He has gotten to the point that he doesn't spend many nights at home. He claims that he is sleeping on a couch or floor at a friend's house. He will get home around seven a.m., shower and leave again. When he does stay home he is smoking pot every five or ten minutes (he is claiming that it is for the pain he is suffering from the open heart surgery he had in May.). Also while he is home he is very verbally abusive and angry. He criticizes my friend constantly, whether they are at home or out in public. He makes nasty comments about her clothes, but he spends the money for lotto scratchers and pot. His wardrobe is awesome...he would rival Donald Trump for clothes. Yet my friend is wearing rags!!! By the second week in the month there is no money for food, and there is no food in the house so they have to go to the local food bank for food.

He claims he isn't having an affair, but my BF has seen him with another woman, as the neighbors of my friend's are telling her the same thing.

He doesn't remember her birthday, anniversary or Christmas. She doesn't get a greeting from him let alone a gift. Yet she makes sure she has gifts for him for his birthday, anniversary, Easter, Christmas and even July fourth!

He has jobs to do around the apartment building and he has stopped doing them. My friend is doing them so they continue to get reduced rent. That's about the only time she can get out of the house. They can't afford a car because of his gambling compulsion and his addiction to pot. My BF and I are certain that the husband is doing harder drugs, but we don't have proof. She can't even scrape up bus fare because of his addictions.

They got their stimulus payment and all of his went for pot and lotto scratchers. My friend spent hers on food and household stuff. She kept $20 for herself and gave me $25 to say thank you for everything I do. He blew up because she spent her share, he felt it should be available for him to use for pot and "scratchers".

I have been talking to her for months to get out of the situation. Finally she is realizing that she does need to get out of the situation that he is abusing her. We are working on a way for her to get away. She is miserable as not only is he abusing her verbally and financially but she sent her dog out to live with me as he can't even be bothered with taking the dog for walks and my friend can't walk the dog because of how bad her knees are. He would be gone over 12 hours without taking the dog out to relieve herself! The dog refuses to potty in the house!

I have had to take her to the ER many times because of her blood pressure. She would stress so badly about her husband being gone and never calling to let her know he was okay. She has a heart problem, high blood pressure and diabetes. The heart doctor told her that the stress from worrying about her husband could kill her. The last time I had her at the ER she called home to tell him where she was. He called back and she told him that she didn't know if they would hospitalize her or not. He promptly left and didn't come back until the next day. He couldn't be bothered with coming to the hospital to make sure she was alright.

How long would you stay in that situation? Would you stay in the situation? Do you feel that he is cheating on her? How do you feel about his obsessive/compulsive behavior when it comes to the pot and scratchers? Would you deny your wife food, clothes and other stuff to satisfy your desire for scratchers and pot? Would your treat your husband or wife in this manner? How would they react if you forgot important dates? (My friend bought a big calendar and wrote the dates on the calendar so he could see them. He still didn't remember or buy her a gift) Should she dump him?