If you were In my shoes How would
By ~Jodi~
@jeanena (2198)
Bucklin, Kansas
November 4, 2008 12:28am CST
You handle this situation if it ever came up? Okay My Hubby has a daughter from a previous relationship. When she was around 7 or 8 there were DNA tests done.. She turned out not to be his by blood. But her Mother tells me she isn't going to tell her the truth, because of the confusion it would cause the little girl. okay well the thing is the mother has a drug problem she gets clean after being arrested,and within a short period slips back into her old way of life. This crap has gone on for years. Well once when she "AWAY" her mother answered the phone and told us not to call there anymore since he (the hubby) now knows the truth.
Recently with in the last month the grandmother died and I being the person I am sent a message via the Funeral home you know "sorry to hear about your mom " . Well it wasn't the girls mother that got the message from them it was the girl. She sends me a message in email the next day introducing herself . Telling me she had been told my hubby was her father and all that . She now has 2 of the most beautiful baby girls I have ever seen and would like to get to know us since she has a way of contacting us. When this girl was little she called me Momma, I loved her like one of ours ya know.We had decided that no matter what the DNA tests had shown that he was the only dad she had ever known and that was all that mattered.
I figured that they had decided to tell her since we were asked not to contact them anymore. And I find out that years later her mom still hasn't told her the truth. I cannot bring myself to tell her, especially knowing what all she went through growing up.
So my question for discussions sake what would you do if you were in our situation,let her keep thinking what she thinks or tell her the truth? Of course my mind is made up I have 2 more Grandbabies I cant wait to see .
4 people like this
6 responses
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
4 Nov 08
This is a hard Situation as the risk is when she does find out one Day or if she could turn against you for not telling her
But I will be really honest now, I would not tell her, as it is obvious that the Mother does not know who the Father is so she has left the Daughter believing that your Husband is, now I do not know if that is case but it is better for the Girl to think that she has a Father then not knowing her Father (not knowing who your Dad is, is hard I know, I am 47 and I have never known who my Father is) it is a feeling of not being totally complete, of part of you being lost, so Jeanena leave her the belief for as long as she can have it and hopefully her Mother will not ever tell her the truth, that she does not know who the Father is, as that will hit her hard, this way she belongs she is being loved and she is safe and secure
Hugs to you
I have missed you
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
4 Nov 08
I have missed you too Gabs! I have been so busy this school year that I cant be online as often as I was before.The first time I ever saw Angel she was 8 months old and didnt even try to sit up on her own . She was one of those you just know had been given a bottle and not played with much.And she is a beautiful girl (was a beautiful baby. I would never want to hurt her, she is like mine too.
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
5 Nov 08
ugh how horrible.. i do think she needs to know but there isnt a way of telling her with out a huge chance of her feeling rejected and all messed up.. i have no idea hon 
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
5 Nov 08
Its a very bad situation in that respect . I just hope when the time comes that she will know that just because they dont share DNA , doesnt mean we dont want her in the family . She is an awesome girl . Especially with all she has been through at her Mother and sisters hands. She could have easily been totally different.
@k1tten (2315)
• United States
4 Nov 08
I would probably do the same to be truthful. I wouldn't want to hurt her anymore and cause anymore confusion in her life. But at some point I would tell here because I would feel as if I were lying to her the whole time. But I would love her regardless. If I had thought her my daughter, raised her as my daughter, and loved her as much as I would my own flesh and blood. She'd still be my daughter no matter what.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
4 Nov 08
As hard as it may be, I'd tell her the truth. It may upset her at first but in reality alot of ppl have been lying to her and if she finds out that you knew the truth and never told her it could hurt her more. Not to mention it would break the trust that the two of you share. I would hope that if there was something like this in my parentage that someone would be smart enough to tell me the truth and not let me spend a lifetime living a lie. Besides if no one tells her, look at all the wasted time that she might have at least known her biological father. Secrets have a way of coming out and when they do it's not always pretty.
[b]~~MY OWN PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF**[/b]
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
4 Nov 08
She told me last night that her mother asked for My husbands number and she told her no she couldnt have it.I am sure what her mother wanted was to ask us not to tell her the truth.I know she has a right to know but I still believe that it should be her Mother that tells her. I am just happy after all these years to have her back in our lives
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
5 Nov 08
I don't think it is good that the girl is being lied to at all. Still, if the truth were to come out, i think it should be one of her real parents that tells her. If I were you, I'd just go along with it and I'd also try to convince her dad to be honest with her.
@Carpathian (582)
• United States
5 Nov 08
I am sort of in that position. I have a daughter with a different father then my son. I was engaged to the first man and was told I could not have children. I left him not knowing that I was PG. And, at the same time I told him he should be with someone who could ive him children. I left and I could never find him again. I am sure that he went back to his ex-wife and daughter. But, anyways I have told my daughter and son the truth. I do not lie to them because I don't want them to ever lie to me. The truth always has a way of comming out and I do not want to be caught in a lie. But, I tell them every day it is not who you come from but who loves you and who cares for you. A real family is who stands by you no matter what and who loves you as is.
@jeanena (2198)
• Bucklin, Kansas
5 Nov 08
I totally agree with you that it is who loves and who will be there for you that makes family. I have always told my kids the truth so it is kind of killing me , but i do think her mom needs to pull her head out of her butt and be the one to tell her.
