Proposed to marry point blank! How would you react?  

This is not a circumstance that generally occurs in my culture mimpi! I would not know how to react either to be honest. It all seems so businesslike! Learning about some of the marriage processes in India was a tremendous eye-opener for me I must admit. It took me some time to appreciate that although some steps do come across as so impersonal on a number of levels; overall these approaches do indeed have their merits and doing things in some of these ways is a very effective and honoured practice. So what happens now then? Are you keen on the idea and if so, does it mean you may end up in South Africa? It all sounds so nerve wracking!

I honestly wouldn't know how to react. I suppose I wouldn't be flabbergasted if I didn't know the individual that much nor if we were an item. For me I'd say no but that's the way I am and other cultures are different. I believe in getting to know my future husband before saying yes. I prefer to already be in love instead of falling in love 2-3 years after the marriage. This is again just me, I would just take it as a joke if someone said it to me.

Occasionally a woman asks me to move in or marry. I am surprised, but calmly say no. I get various reactions. Oh, well. I have the right to say no.

Hi mimpi, it's in my culture also but I think not much of people use that way now. The young generations nowadays are not happy with the idea, they think it's an oldfashioned way. Some relatives from my mother's side had been asking for me (before I was married), but my mom gently rejected them because I said no. Well it's up to you my friend...

So will you accept the proposal, Mimpi?

Our cultures are somewhat similar but I don't think Boyfriend needs to ask my parents for my hand. I told him though that if he is having this nutty idea of asking me to marry him, he'd better let my family know first and then me.

I can't say I've encountered such a proposal. And I honestly don't know how I would react. But I would be impressed as to him observing my traditions and culture.

I suppose one can attribute the action of some of the so called NRI's to their thinking that all people in India are still tuned to the old ways of doing things. They do not seem to want to be in touch with reality.

Honestly i would find it difficult to think how you would react, maybe with a sense of being flabbergasted, anger to start of with. Thinkin back though it may seem amusing and may even bring about a laugh now and then.

This whole finding a suitable mate has always perplexed me. In the west is seems one is supposed to find someone in a bar and hope they like your children because you have already had at least one out of wedlock. Even if you think you are in love and actually marry, the divorce rate is 50%. Quite frankly any other way of meeting cannot be as bad.

I think it was quaint reading your reaction as you are in a different culture and have different traditions. I have obviously no advice to give but do wonder why it is dismissed out of hand. Are you still single and I see you are in your 30's and so is he. I guess things are done differently in the old way and I suppose the new way is to have a chance meeting and fall in love. Very interesting.

Flabbergasted?? Actually, I would feel more than just flabbergasted. Unless, you are going to consider the proposal, I would diplomatically decline the proposal. I'm not sure that you are from the U.S., but if you are I would then remind this Mr. G that you are American and we do do things a little differently. I would then thank him for his offer as it was a compliment.

DCMerkle

Although that method of courtship is very different from what would expect where I live, do you know, in some ways it sounds quite romantic. On the other hand, it seems equally cold and calculating, as if Mr. G were shopping for someone to help him look after his father and other obligations. Here, sometimes the parents are consulted...not often, but sometimes, but only after the would-be groom has done some straight-forward inquiries to see if his would-be chosen one is amenable.

Well, what a shock. In my culture, usually the woman knows well ahead of time whether or not a man is about to propose. She can tell from his demeanor. However, on one occasion I did get blind-sided with a sudden proposal from someone I would never have considered appropriate in a million years. I laughed because I thought he was kidding, but it turned out had been quite serious. So I said I had not meant to hurt his feelings but that honestly I did not intend to marry for another 4 years at least (I did not say and then it would NOT be him!), and he looked disappointed, but then went on to say he could not wait (whew!) because he needed a wife right then. For what, I wondered, but in truth did not really want to know.

Well, what do you think? Do you fancy Mr. G? Does your boss think him suitable? Are your parents in a rush to marry you off? Presumably your appearance on that day was not an overriding factor, as the young man apparently had his mind made up for some time! Whether or not you think such a union might be suitable, it is still a fine compliment. Congratulations, and good luck in deciding what truly would be the best thing to do. I trust you will decide with your head and not your heart.

Wow! Does India still have arranged marriages like that? If so, is it very common now?
I live in the US and we don't have anything like that here. Still when I was in high school there was a boy who told me and everyone that God had told him I would be his wife! That is beyond weird in the US. And in my twenties, I went out with a man literally one time and he told me basically the same, that he knew we should marry and work together on Amway empire (that's a bunch of household products that you sell and you recruit others to sell under you, kind of like the referrals on ctp sites - lol).

Well, did you give him your parents' phone number?