What will you do if you were a single mother for 15 yrs & now the father appears

As someone who has lived this but not from the point of view of the woman, who was left but as one of the two girls that the drinking father walked out. I was not as old as the girls you mentioned, I was a few years younger but my sister and I were mature for our age. My mother allowed us to decide first if we wanted to see him again, it would be our choice, and then how and when that first meeting was to happen. She did this for several reasons, one while she didn't want him around us, she felt we were old enough to make the choice for ourselves. And I think it was smart of her, I mean on some level there could have been resentment on our part if she didn't let us make our own choices. Biologically speaking he was our father, and from what she had said for the first few years of her relationship with him, and through my sister's life he was a good father, and good person then he started drinking and things changed. So the choice was ours to make. And most kids will want to know something of their biological parents. Then she also was careful about the HOW this first meeting was arranged. That is, it was done on our terms, not his, not his family's. The day, time, location, who would be allowed to be there for the meeting was decided by us. Unfortunatley he disregarded some of the things that were agreed to, and showed up early, when my mom still hadn't gotten home yet. I agree with you that biology does not make a parent, biology makes a blood relative. Ok so how many people out there have relatives they don't want to meet? Just because the relative is a biological parent doesn't mean anything special sometimes. So those who say "you should allow him, he is the father" well NO he is not the father. He is the biological sperm donor. Cold way of putting it perhaps, but a father is as you had gone on to say, the one who goes to the doctor, is there when the child is ill, is there when they are cranky, is there for the important firsts in their lives etc. I have two friends, who each had previous marriages that didn't work out. My friend meet her current husband when her youngest was only 6 months old. Well when her baby was around 4 or so they split up, then a year later got back together. the little girl has always called this man "dad" he is really the only father she knows. When ever she is required to visit the biological father, when she was younger she would cry and be upset she didn't want to go see him. Maybe because the biological father, and biological grandmother allowed her to be attacked by a dog when she was only 2. So biology does not make a parent, being an egg or sperm donor does not make someone a parent. On the other hand I knew someone who had two "mom"s. Seems she was adopted her mother was an unwed mohter, at the age of 15, so since she knew she couldn't take proper care of the baby she gave her up for adoption, when the child that was adopted wanted to find out about biological parents, her adoptived mother was supportive of her child, even though she feared losing her. However she considers her biological mom a friend, and appreciates that instead of the risky beginnings she may have had if her biological mom had kept her she was able to be raised by very loving parents, with 2 great siblings. go to school and have a nice career because of the good education etc. Later the two mom's were able to become friends, one grateful for the chance to have a daughter she couldn't have had if she didn't adopt, and the other, was grateful that someone was able to give her daughter the things she couldn't, and make sure her baby grew up loved, protected. Seems there was some history of violence in the teen mother's home etc, so it took her a few years to just be able to get herself out of the rotten life she was living. So here is a case where meeting a biological mom was because she was being a TRUE mom. A true parent does what is best for their child, not for their own selfish interests, as much as she wanted to keep her daughter, she knew the baby would be better off away from the violence of the place she lived in so giving up her child was what was best for her. So basically it would be up to the kids at that point, but they would also get all the support I could give, I would prefer to be there as my mother wanted to be, just in case things went wrong, which in our case it did. By doing things this way we got to make our own decisions on whether or not we wanted him around, and in my case, I was told that I shouldn't have said things so harshly but basically I said there are 50 states, if he wants to be drunk he can pick one of the other 49, but don't come around me unless he was sober.

If the father suddenly shows up after 15 years of nothing whatsoever, I will let him see our daughters. After all, he is still the father of my daughters. It's a lot better not to hold grudge towards someone especially if he is the father of your kids. If he errs, you will feel a lot better if you will just forgive and forget about everything but keep in your heart and soul the lessons which you got from that painful experience. Let him carry the guilt in his conscience and God will make your life a lot better and easier for being a good Christian at that.

I guess being the father he also has his right to see them so I think I would allow them to see his daughter. But, if he thinks I would give him a chance to return back to the family I guess that would be a different answer to me. I guess his only right is to see and at least reconnect with his daughters but to really make amends he must prove something he is worthy of being a father of his family and husband to me.

To be frank, I think such kind of man is too difficult to be forgiven. I can imagine how hard it will be for a mom to bring up children by herself. She has to make a living and meanwhile she has to take care of her children. When the babies need their father, their father is irresponsible and absent. This is totally wrong. Why not he returns home earlier? 15 years is quite a long time. I love China