The Central Committee to The People of the United States of America...
By ParaTed2k
@ParaTed2k (22940)
Sheboygan, Wisconsin
March 31, 2009 12:28pm CST
You can't have the car you want, you have to buy the cars we want available to you. It doesn't matter that the best selling vehicles in the US are full size pick up trucks, it is our opinion that those aren't he cars you really want to own.
We have taken surveys across the United States, and the people at Earth Day Celebrations and Phish Reunion Tour concerts make it clear that America wants cars that only hold 2 people, get 50 miles to the gallon and only go as far as the closest means of mass transportation.
There were some surprises in our survey. For instance, we had no idea that America is so interested in hemp burning vehicles. Or that so many Americans are so dedicated to conservation that only 1 or 2% of you take showers more than once a week or so.. we thought we were the only ones that dedicated to water conservation.
We were also surprised to learn that most Americans have already quit their day jobs and really don't want to go back. In light of your new found freedom, we have decided to establish, The Department of Environmental Activities Department/Headquarters of Earth Day... or D.E.A.D/H.E.A.D.
You'll be happy to learn of our next plan to make your life more full of daisies and bubbles...
We're sending our survey team to Little Five Points in Atlanta to organize a task force on National Defense!
Peace Love Dope!
2 people like this
4 responses
@jonesy123 (3948)
• United States
31 Mar 09
ROFL, I have tears in my eyes I'm laughing so hard. Thanks, I needed that. This is really good and with the unfortunate base of truth to it. It will be interesting to see how far we really will be pushed into this direction.
And I guess I have to tie my kids to the roof or I can't take them anywhere...;)
3 people like this
@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
31 Mar 09
But of course, that's the second requirement. The first would be enjoying an afternoon at PETA headquarters killing puppies. ;~D
3 people like this
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
31 Mar 09
I happen to like the idea of giving people a voucher to get rid of their clunker if they want or need to! Anyway, we're on opposite ends of the political spectrum, Ted, but this is good, I have to admit it. I have to assure you, though, that liberal as I may be and as concerned for our environment I STILL shower every single day! Also, I NEED a car that holds more than two people because I haul my grandkids and sometimes a friend or two to the local pool everyday in the summer time.
Annie

@ParaTed2k (22940)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
31 Mar 09
Want to hear a funny story about "one of these things is not like the other?"
2 people like this

@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Brilliant! If it weren't so close to the sad truth it would be even funnier. Well done, Ted.
1 person likes this





