how do you begin to ......

We can't pick our parents and some people aren't cut out to be parents. I think it's just something your going to have to accept and move on. I know it's upsetting I have a parent who isn't all that into me as well but I had a step parent who loved me more than anything. So that's who I consider to be my real parent is the step one. I hope you can find some healing with this I know it's a hard thing to be going through. Maybe you should seek some therapy or write your feelings down in a journal that sometimes helps me.

I dont understand you at all! On the first hand you inform us that your mother begged you to stay with her but You refused to heed her begging and went away on your own free will and never returned that too on your own will and at the same time you doubt if she really cared for you? You have chosen your own path and in that path your mother wasn't the priority for you, so why blame her at all? It was you who never returned back and want to justify it by your efforts of being in contact with her. I can't find fault in your mom I guess its you who been too busy with your own life and didn't cared for any physical contact or communication when she needed you. Now I guess she adjusted to a life where she has resigned to the fact that SHE isn't important in your life. Watch out you have 3 kids and you be old one day and you might be in the same shoe in which your mother is. I am sorry for her.

Friend Dont mind my words.What i am saying is just that In India we never leave our mom. 18 years your parents look after you then they dont leave you.you leave them.like they looked after you.it is your duty to look afte them.i guess this will be the only right way to deal with this situation.i am sure if you can make an effort to express your love,she will forgive you

It is interesting that you mention no Christmas. I have found that if you explain to people that you don't want things, but time a relationship is easier to build. So go snail mail and write her once a week and tell her about your life and the life of your children. Then you have a relationship, even if it is one sided. It is a part of my philosophy about living without regrets.

wg62914,
People that have difficult parents one or both can understnad how you have felt most of your life.
I had a difficult mother I left home at fourteen got married and had four daughters.
I went to visit my parents when I could and they saw my girl's when they was little time to time,my parents was not at all good parents,when this is the case you can't expect they will make very good grand parents.
I always remembered my parents birthdays,Christmas,mothers day,father day right up until the time they passed away.
As a child I don't remember a birthday party and not much about any Christmas,with my children knowing how it feels to grow up with out a birthday party or a nice Xmas I made sure my own children had all these childhood memories.
I have no keepsakes either of my parents ever gave to me because they never gave me a real gift in all my life.
Never a wrapped package with a satin bow or any other kind of a wrapped gift in all of my life.
Personally I do not understand any of this I was a really pretty child so it was not because I was ugly,I was obedient because they did not mind knocking the crap out of us kid's any time they thought we neeeded it.
I got it worse because my half sister was the daughter of not my dad and I was my parents only child togeather so I took the brunt of the beatings mostly from my dad.
I don't think there is a real answer to your problem what I did was to be the best daughter and person that I could be.
I was there with my parents when my father passed away and I was there with my mom when she took her last breath.
My dad let me know he had loved me before he died and far as my mom she was on the cool side right to her very last breath,I think she loved me best that she could and that was all she could do.
She had came from a very sad childhood her own mother giving her to her aged grandmother and just left her at 6 months old,her mother just abandon her,my mom had a sad childhood and I don't think she knew how to be a mother as her aged grandmother raised her.
Your doing the right thing being a good mom to your own children and building memories that they will carry with them all of their life's.
Far as your mom if you want to send her a note in a card do it,call her when she has a phone if she don't want to talk that is up to her you have reached out and that is all that you can possibly do.
I know it breaks your heart but try to not blame your self it has nothing to do with you, your mom has things in her heart to get worked out,if your a praying person and I hope that you are pray for your mom and leave the out come to God.
Be happy honey enjoy your motherhood and make happy memories for you and your children hug them everyday and let them know you are there for them on the good days and you will be there for them on the bad days, fill your hearts treasure box with sweet memories of your children's childhood,be happy,best wishes,ROSE

It is not unusual for a teen to not get along with a parent. She is your mom and the only one you will ever have. I don't know how bad things were between the two of you but i do think if possible it is best to make amends. Your kids deserve to know their gram and your mother deserves to know her grandchildren. I think you should maybe invite her to your home for coffee or a visit and reach out.

Everybody must be thankful for we have our parents without them we will not be here in this world. In your case since you have your situation now, Pray ask the Lord for His forgiveness and His great guidance, call your mother ask for her forgiveness too and show that you are humble, remember your character talks even though you are not saying anything, show your love to your mother nobody will do that except you because you are her child, and I know she loves you very much

just the thought that you want to have a good relationship with your mother after all that she had done would be quite enough for fate to grant you something decent someday.

don't worry about your kids. they're wiser than we think.