In an argument with your significant other, how do you act?
@LovingLife139 (1504)
United States
July 15, 2009 1:28pm CST
We all have disagreements and sometimes arguments with our partners...no matter how few and far between. In an argument, how do you act and what is the result of your actions?
As I've said in many of my posts...I am the stronger personality out of my husband and I...I am outgoing and motivated, he is quiet and loyal to my decisions. It makes sense, then, that we argue the way we do. I usually confront him about things in a civil, "let's talk about this" manner. He usually jumps on the defensive side and raises his voice...that's when we escalate into an argument. Even though we hardly ever argue, when we do it's intense. I become very loud and have been known to get physical with household objects (never my husband). I've kicked doors, punched walls, etc. At that point, I usually leave the house and drive to a place that is outdoors and nature friendly to calm down. Calming down in these places has not failed me yet. Usually after I get loud and begin to escalate my anger, my husband gets quiet and avoids eye contact. Even though I am not necessarily proud of my actions when I get angry, when I come back to the house from calming down, I can always bet that my husband is ready to talk in a civil manner! :)
Do you get angry? Defensive? Do you threaten divorce or a break up? And no matter what you do, do you find it helps the argument fade or makes it worse?
2 people like this
10 responses
@hollowheart (1572)
• India
16 Jul 09
Dear friend. firstof all as u know i am still trying to get my significant other. However for anyone i often get angry but i keep it in me.
i am a little different. its all so mood based. I really dont realise which situation could trigger my anger and to which extent.
I have been also in levels where i have almost murdered a girl, for pushing me. thank god she bit me. We r still friends. But i try to control my anger since then and so far havnt done anything wrong.
I just thought i should be honest to u because u r a true friend to me.
Later i feel bad that i got angry with no major reason or for a fault of mine.
i really dont like being blamed... not till i am sure in my mind myself that i was wrong.
@hollowheart (1572)
• India
16 Jul 09
U r right. Anger is dangerous. Even now though i cant control much and keep it inside me.
Its harming me maybe, but i am fine with that. I guess i ama becoming a bit depressed with situations. But i am sure i will be out of that too soon by aniother 2 yrs maybe.
Well i was told by an astrologer that when ever u r angry just leave that place.
Unfortunately i am angry mostly when i am alone so no use running around.
Its all destiny and i cant avoid it.
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Very sharp emotions such as anger can bring guilt later if they get you to where you cannot control them. I have been angry before to the point, like you said, where I felt like hurting someone. Even though that was years ago, that was a red flag for me to learn to control it, and now my anger has taken on a new form.
When someone blames you, you can feel stuck...sometimes people start throwing random insults back, sometimes they'll leave the room and therefore the argument...being blamed or putting the blame on someone else is a risky move, especially if you wanted a problem fixed. Blaming people usually will only make them want to be farther from you!
@hollowheart (1572)
• India
16 Jul 09
U must try to control ur anger too.
And feel free to share any problem with me if u like. I would love to be of some help to someone who has been of such grt help to me.
U r a true friend.
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Jul 09
I prefer to argue reasonably. But if you come at me with too much emotion, I clam up and have to get away from the situation and think it over. I only get defensive if you approach me in a way that feels like an attack or an unjust criticism. And I only get angry if you are nasty or offensive or unfair. I don't threaten. See "Asperger syndrome". lol
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
16 Jul 09
It sounds like you are able to sense the reasoning for why someone comes at you the way they do and react accordingly. I agree that threatening rarely turns things around for the better. :)
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Jul 09
I can usually sense it after the fact, not so much while it's happening (if it's too intense).
Thanks for the BR.
@mermaidivy (15394)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Oh we are opposite, when we argue, I am usually the very quiet one and my husband will get loud and mean and start yelling... we never come to a point about getting divorce or anything though. I think it will make the relationship worse; I won't say it is only his fault everytime but most of the time it is true...
@AithneFireStorm (212)
• United States
16 Jul 09
I gotta be honest here my husband and I argue about once a month and yes it does correspond to that time of the month for me! So I guess my horomones play their little role But I guess I would be more like your husband... I am a screamer... I am not always in the defensive but I am usually the one who starts the yelling! My husband is slightly calmer (LoL he is a red head and has a temper to match) so we have our yelling contest for about 20 or 30 minutes.... One of us usually agrees that they were wrong and fixes whatever caused the problem to begin with!
No matter how mad I get at him I will always be there when he needs me and he is always there for me... Besides we have both heard if we can make it through the first 5 years they are the hardest! We have both grown as a couple and as individuals!
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
16 Jul 09
As long as you've found an arguing "style," if you will, that works!
I have also heard the saying that the first five years of a relationship/marriage are the hardest. My husband and I were engaged for three years and together for one beforehand, and I think we had most of the kinks worked out before, because marriage is bliss compared to what our engagement was!
Good luck to you! :)
@devmitra (274)
• India
16 Jul 09
Helo loving life.I normally despise arguments,though they are inevitable at times.Before entering in an argument,I make sure that Iam not wrong in holding up the topic of argument,nomatter what it is and arguments are best done in a very civil,and no-noisy manner.I try my best to keep cool and argue.Thats the best method I guess.
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Arguments definitely are a last resort, I agree! You brought up a good point, too: make sure it is important and you know what you are talking about. If not, the argument will only end with you realizing you were wrong and that it was stupid to start arguing about it.
Stupid arguments are the ones I despise most...some have a purpose and can lead to solving problems or figuring out your partner's true opinion on a matter...but stupid arguments are ridiculous and can bring a relationship down at the drop of a hat, and over nothing.
Thanks for the response!
@kevchua (1004)
• Malaysia
16 Jul 09
Anger management is what we all need. It's not an impossible task but if properly nurtured, our temperament could be tamed a bit. I've had lots of arguments with my sister especially. When I say something and she disagrees, sharp words come out of her mouth that HURT me. That's when I RAISE my voice, and the whole house comes down!! Neither of us would stop until the weaker one gives in - me. As time passes, I began to understand her attitude. There's no point arguing with her anymore, so I'd just keep quiet so that I'd not do or say anything stupid to arouse her anger and raise my blood pressure again. The result has been positive; one of the reasons for this is we don't live under the same roof anymore since she has her own family. I guess that must have given me time to reflect.
If you're right about something, yes you may argue, but if it gets out of control, step back and get out of the way. So, you've done something right. You left the "crime scene", went elsewhere and came back later. It has given your husband time to think of his actions. I guess this is what anger management is all about too. Personally, I wouldn't want to fight fire with fire. The house might burn to ashes.
Just my two cents' worth :) Cheers.
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
16 Jul 09
Thanks for your response! I think it depends on the person and how they act in certain situations. For you and your sister, you have found she can talk in a civil manner about something if you just stay calm. I don't like getting angry, but the second I do it's almost like a switch is flicked in my husband's mind--he suddenly realizes that we need to fix this--then I'll leave. I have a park I usually go to to calm down. For some reason, being in nature calms me...I can pray better...then when I go back, he's ready to talk.
If we could avoid the whole anger thing, I would gladly do it. But my husband is one who doesn't learn easily...maybe one day we'll be able to keep calm while talking the first time I approach him. :)
@impaktita (965)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
Whenever my fiance and I argue. We usually get heated for a few minutes then we end up doing our own thing for a while but at the end of the day when we're about to go to bed, we're usually ok, we'd cuddle and everything would be alright as if nothing happened. we've never let an argument last till the next day.
@dpk262006 (58679)
• Delhi, India
16 Jul 09
Hi there!
It is better to settle the argument then and there itself. Carrying its guilt feeling and keep thinking or hanging on the issue does not serve any purpose. I normally avoid arguments and if I see that my partner is not paying any head, I surrender and end the arguments. She thinks that she has won but in my heart of heart I know that I was right and I have won, in the sense that I could bring peace to the already charged atmosphere.
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
I am so sick and tired of arguments with my wife. She knows what she wants and only wants me to support her and back her up. She never listens to a word I say. I just walk out and that's the end of the argument. I like to argue if there is a point to it, some knowledge to be gained.
@LovingLife139 (1504)
• United States
16 Jul 09
I know the type you are talking about...they only argue because they want you to see their way, but they don't once think maybe they are the ones that need to learn something. Good luck. :)
