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54% Indian women okay with wife-beating: UNICEF Report.  email this discussion to a friend?

myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people 3 years ago

Thankfully urban and educated women are not okay with this. Perhaps cultural progress of India can now be measured by this index. I hope a day will come soon when domestic violence will be ZERO percent. What is it that we can do?

 

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pupupd (832) response was accepted on 9/18/2009.
denotes best response, click it to go to the best response.
tags:  beating, domestic violence, backwardness, domination, family
 
1. myLot reputation of 97/100. meapas (1413)   ranked 871 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

There are many factors for domestic abuse. Lack of education and lack of maturity are the main factors. If all the factors involved are taken into consideration before marriage then there will be some reduction in this.


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Well said, education, awareness and empowerment are the key to equality. Law enforcement should also be strict.


myLot reputation of 87/100. pupupd (832)   ranked 3,486 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

yes education is the most essential factor which is still lacking in rural areas and must be improved, otherwise such crimes will go on for generation after generation with no end!

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2. myLot reputation of 97/100. daliaj (4043)   3 years ago

I wonder how an Indian woman can say that it is fine for her hsuband to beat her. I am an Indian women and I will never accept that. Marriage doesn't mean the license to beat. Will this happening on the other side? Will a man accept that his wife has the right the to beat him if he commits a msitake. This is horrible.


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

It is against basic decency. Where has mutual respect gone? All the progress we make as a nation is nullified such attitudes.


myLot reputation of 87/100. pupupd (832)   ranked 3,486 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Yes, even I am an Indian women, and our ancestors had given unnecessary importance to male partner rather than woman. They ask the women to consider their husbands as GOD ( pati parmeshwar) that is Shiv bhagwan! In earlier days, women were completely dependent on their husbands financially, then they had to follow such ideas. There was no alternative left, they feared that my husband leaves me where will I go ? My family will never accept me back. I will have nothing else to do but die, so rather tolerate husbands beating than committing suicide. This was the condition of indian women many years back.

But now the situation has changed, women are out in every field, competing equally with males, in fact women are doing better than men in some areas, so we need to change the concept about considering husband as GOD. Women are no longer dependent on their husbands and can easily stay separately in another house if unsatisfied with their marriage. No need to go back to your family as well, as even today Indian society consider it as a shame if a married gal comes back to stay with her parents. No need to come back and stay with parents, she can take a separate apartment and live happily, until she finds her soul mate!

Cheers to Indian Women!


myLot reputation of 77/100. rameshkumaar57 (2803)   ranked 2,651 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Sorry pupupd, things are not so easy as you say. Tell me how many house or apartment owners, will give a house on rent for a single woman. Even if the male gives it, the wife would not allow it.
If the single woman is working, the co workers or her boss, tries to take advantage of her single position.
Finally, if the woman has a girl, she will find it very difficult to marry her, because of the fact she comes from a broken house.
It is all very well to say, that there is womans power and the woman can live all alone. That is for the western culture, as long as you are in India, the womans fate is like this.
Do not think I am against woman, I have a married daughter, even if she is beaten, I cannot get angry and take action against my son in law. I may feel like killing him, but I have to keep quite, because this is INDIA.


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

I will differ from you on this. The fact women should be empowered does not mean that they can walk out of a marriage to escape violence. It is the prevention which is of relevance.The very possibility of equality has to act as a deterrent to domestic violence. Equality has a very large say in peer respect and this will restrict violence. Males indulge in it taking advantage of such a stigma which women in India face. More such helpless attitude more the violence.

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3. myLot reputation of 92/100. bhargavoza (442)   ranked 7,174 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

In many castes in India, i have heard that women themselves take beating as granted. They themselves think that in our caste all men beat their women. this is ridiculous. I think this is because they are illiterate and the second main factor is that they are fully dependent on thier husband and if they are economically little bit independent this will reduce to some extent.


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Very true Bhargav, Empowerment and education is the only way.


myLot reputation of 87/100. pupupd (832)   ranked 3,486 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

yes, you are absolutely right. The main reason is they are dependent, and not that they consider beating as ritual, they think their husbands are god and whatever god does is good for them, what a joke! When will these stupid women realize that husbands are just another human being and nothing else, and specially those guys who do no work, just get drunk and beat up their wives for no reason, how can such useless people take the place of GOD?


myLot reputation of 92/100. bhargavoza (442)   ranked 7,174 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

wubdear Pupupd, Not all the time they consider their husband as god but in many cases they curse their husband from inside but then they do not show this on face as there is no other way out for them. they are fully dependent on them, and further there is nobody in their kin,s place who accept them when they go back due to poverty. So if women are economically independent they can make their own way where they are not dependent on anybody.w00t

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4. myLot reputation of 87/100. pupupd (832)   ranked 3,486 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

Oh my god, the number is still high. Wife beating should completely eradicated, it is a shame for a country like India that women are still beaten up by their drunk husbands, shame because We are so proud of our rich culture and here itself people are beating are up their wives, this is pathetic. Those guys should be jailed for committing such hienous crime. And women should also not fear to go to the police and file a complain against these animals. They just fear that if they do such thing, their husbands will remove them from the house and will have no place to go. So, thus every women from rich to poor must work and be independent. As soon as you are dependent, others take advantage and make you slave. No amount of education can change those animal's mind as they are drunk and have nothing in control.
Such problems have continued for many years, and now it is high time, government must take some strict actions!


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Shocking isn't it? There are laws. As you say women are scared to seek help. Maybe it is social stigma or sheer helplessness. If the laws are implemented strictly this would not be happening. Speedy justice is essential. It takes years to get justice.


myLot reputation of 87/100. pupupd (832)   ranked 3,486 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Thats what I want, the government must take some quick actions and implement some strict laws with which the local police can't just ignore this a small crime, and give it no importance and just forget it later, the police should be forced to take action against anyone who tortures a women without any reason. They should jail such animals!
Our government is equally responsible for such things, even today there is a lot of corruption going on under cover, they are very lazy and love savoring in money earned from public tax. Things which are to be done immediately are done after five years, uptil then everyone gets accustomed to the situation already. It learns to live it, and this is the reason government does not change its way of ruling, just because we people stop revolting in few days, if we keep shouting and protesting, the govt is bound to take some action very soon.

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5. myLot reputation of 99/100. grace118224 (717)   ranked 7,452 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

I'm shocked when i see your topic . That means domestic violence in India is very common. Men should never beat their wives i think. If he does he is not worth our love any longer. Here in our country we did have some cases like this but i don't think it's a common thing . All women are agaist comestic vilence and we should all protect well ourselves and not let ourselves hurt .


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Yes it is a shameful fact. 80% of people live in rural areas where education is not considered a necessity. And then there are age old beliefs which are redundant. It is a silver lining in the cloud that at least some of them have rejected domestic violence. This should spread to finally give women their dignity.

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6. myLot reputation of 92/100. vandana7 (6657)   ranked 698 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

Hi webearn99 - u know a funny thing, there is a BJP politician staying besides my home. Once I did raise this beating issue with her, and she said it is ok! It is own family that is beating! Well, in my case, it was my cousins who beat me up because I asked back some money that I loaned to them! I was truly in need of that money. My relatives are unable to understand my unwillingness to forgive this. I am being called selfish, and have always been looked at as if the fault was mine kind of thing. It took great deal of courage on part of my father to take a firm stand against it. And they have not yet accepted. Believe me, we are from educated family. And my cousin is well aware that he was wrong. Whatever lies he uttered subsequently were to justify his action, and other relatives have held that against me for the last 25 odd years. I broke the relationships with them, and they have been blaming me for preventing my father mixing with them! They say I am controlling my father. :) No help from society at all!


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

I remember a discussion we had regarding this. It is unfortunate that women are considered weak and so can be manipulated by threat or violence. I have to say that overcoming the initial hurdles is the worst part. Once the Juggernaut rolls there will be no stopping it. We have to do our bit and wait patiently for the results. In your case the fact that after 30 years they still blame you shows that it hurts them and they deserve it!


myLot reputation of 87/100. krupesh (1203)   ranked 975 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Hello Vandana,
Sorry to hear your story.It happens that now a days nobody comes to the rescue of others.Money is root cause of all evil.You cant even trust your right hand now , then how can you trust yoiur cousins? What has happened has happened.But be careful in future if you wanna lend money.Did you get back the money?


myLot reputation of 92/100. vandana7 (6657)   ranked 698 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Hi krupesh, No - but nothing to worry. God looked after me. I am one of the stronger ones! So dont pity me. And luckily I have quite a few out in this world who would be there for me. So definitely I am not that pitiable whimpering person who is confused about whether to cross the boundaries and be scorned by society or to continue to take the beatings and be quiet about it. I have raised a voice about it, and almost everybody knows that my relatives have beaten me up. So nobody would really appreciate them coming near me, or appreciate the fact that they are anywhere in the vicinity - tomorrow it could be the turn of their children. ha ha. I have emerged a winner. They cant even in live in the same city as me. And people have over the years stopped inviting them over. That as webearn99 pointed out - is a good reason for them to be cut up with me. But all this help is a bit too late in coming. If it had come before I made a grade I would have believed it was genuine. It has come after I made a grade - after I proved my stand - all tell tale signs were there - nobody bothered to think about it. Which makes me suspect whether it is because of some expectations or because of actual belief in right and wrong that these people are now siding me. I can never trust any of my relatives again, even those who are now siding me. But I do have some good friends - some of whom have stood by me thru thick and thin. I know they will be around whenever I need help. So I have reasons to be thankful to god for giving me such support. I wish other women too get supportive friends like that, and develop confidence of walking out of abusive relationships. And please, please dont pity me. It is way too far in past to keep crying about, isn't it? And I truly want it to remain less than 20 percent of my life. So I am not going to discuss it.

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7. myLot reputation of 82/100. preethaanju (965)   ranked 781 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

yes the report is true. Women in India think they are punching bags for men. They never complain and bear eveything in silence. ON the contrary, is he worthy to be called a man, if he raises his hands on a women?


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

He is certainly not! He is an unmitigated coward who takes out his frustrations on women who have their hands tied in the name of social etiquette.

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8. myLot reputation of 90/100. Margajoe (2447)   ranked 1,096 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

That is terrible!
I did not know this.
I think what you have done by bringing it up here in My Lot is a good start.
people should know about these things. It has to get recognized.


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Horrible it is! I wish the whole of the civilization and all of my countrymen read the report. At least then men who do this will be shamed into giving the women their worth.

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9. myLot reputation of 94/100. pushkin69 (253)   ranked 2,828 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

hey there. I come from the UK where women do ave equal rights and are not treated as second class citizens. It shocks me as I have not been brought up in India and ave been educated to believe that all people are equal regardless of gender, race, ability, age and religion. I guess I am lucky in that sense.

It seems that education and governmental change are the key to tackling all forms of prejudice and disrimination. This may be more difficult in rural places where access to quality education is limited and perhaps traditional out dated notions are still in favour. It would be key to get a task force in place to access the rural communities in an attempt to re-educate these harmful notions about women.

I hope that change will occur and I'm sure it will albeit the alterations will take time.


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

Poverty dictates that all members in the family work in the fields. This is the truth in rural India. If at all there is a chance of education, however rudimentary, the priority is to educate the male child. That is due to age old custom, because the girl will be married and go away in due course. So where any chance of progress exists, women are last in line.That is the fact prevailing.

It is indeed an uphill task to get over all these hurdles. I join you in the hope that conditions will change for the better.

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10. myLot reputation of 77/100. rameshkumaar57 (2803)   ranked 2,651 out of 26,919 in people   3 years ago

The only reason, I can say is the woman in India are quite meek, and for them Husband is the god. Of course times are changing, I would not say the urban only the educated woman does not tolerate this kind of thing, but once again a few educated woman also keep quiet, because of their children. You have to remember, that divorce and remarriage are not that common in this part of the world. Any girl who comes from a broken family will find it very difficult to get a groom. This is one of the main reason why the wife beating continues.
What is that we can do?
We all make mistakes, let us rectify it.


myLot reputation of 93/100. webearn99 (1150)   ranked 2,194 out of 26,919 in people  3 years ago

I could not agree with you more. We need to change social thinking. This sickness has to stop. While it is true that the head of the family has been designated 'God' and others, particularly women obey meekly, women have also been designated 'Shakti'(Power), but no one follows that! All this has been done to give a family a stable hierarchy for the family to lead a good and orderly life. The fact that one part of the hierarchical law is followed and the other ignored points to a degenerate mentality the society has developed. It is this that has to be eradicated. There is no point in being a rag in a female body.

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