Being a shoulder to cry on... is that good or bad?  |
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 Hey... usually... when someone ahs a problem, i like listening to them... and ppl often like telling me what bothers them... I am there for my friends but... lately, i feel like that isnt really... a good thing... it just.. seems like everyone betrays and no one really cares back half as much as i do... So in the end, is it good, or bad giving urself to everyone, even tho most likely 90% of the ppl on the other side dont care at all? What do you think?
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1.  kezabelle (2671) | 3 months ago |  I think its fine to be a good friend and offer a shoulder to cry on but its easy to forget about ourselves and forget that sometimes we need to share our own problems.
For example a good friend of mine her partner left her i was there for her 100% but she also wouldnt help herself and then I had a few problems of my own it took me almost breaking down before she realised she was not being a fair friend, il do anything for my friends but good friends should be there for you right back if they arent then its definatley a very bad thing to be there for them all the time if the support is not returned!
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| StormWindBG (59) | 3 months ago | Yea, i understand that... i have one friend that... everyone betrays, and everyone uses... and im there for that friend 120% of the time and... it turned out it pretty much screwed up my own life... and still im there ... every time, for everything... and yet, that friend keeps doing things that... hurt... and yet i cant make myself betray this person and leave because... that person needs someone to be there.... and theres no one else but me:( ... it feels terrible ... all of that, but i actually DO wanna stay and in the same time it hurts... seems so hard, and yet so ... good... its really a weird feeling, because aside from those painful things, that friend is a good person ... | |
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| sender621 (795) | 3 months ago |  It's hard to know when we need to give a shoulder to cry on or be the one who needs the shoulder. There are so many different kinds of people with different situations.
Giving of ourselves is hard when we're afraid of getting hurt for it.
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| 2. antiz30 (24) | 3 months ago |  Hi.....ppl don't care. I personally went through helping out ppl and they really don't care. They are just using you in their weak moments.
95% of people are that way. 5% of are not like that.
I changed in always being the shoulder to cry on and instead showed tough love. You would now believe it but works better. You should try it and see what happens
Good luck
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| Catecca (4) | 3 months ago | My experiences are pretty much the same. I was always there for everybody, but when I needed someone.....Hello??!! Where is everybody? lol Anyway, I am still a good listener, but I won't go out of my way to help ppl anymore. The good thing about being a good listener and being able to keep secrets is that you are told some really juicy stuff sometimes. And its amazing how everybody talks about everybody else. I wonder how these ppl even work together. | |
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| StormWindBG (59) | 3 months ago | Yep thats really fun as well xD But i kinda hate it... Everyone talks behind everyone`s backs, and in the next moment, they talk to the same person all friendly and work together and cooperate and i BET some of them say stuff about me as well xD Its really a bad thing, however, it always makes me smile when someone starts talking bad about someone else xD | |
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| 3. arnicki (11) | 3 months ago | Being the person with the shoulder to cry on is not necessarily a bad thing. I understand completely where you are coming from with this. I am presently in a situation similar to what you describe. I feel that we should be our brothers' and sisters' keepers.
What I am concerned about is do we over extend ourselves so much that we are being used by that person? I am tired sometimes of being the person who is always there, but some how i find the strength to always go on. I had an experience on Wednesday night that a person that I am always there for shot me down so bad, that made me wonder if I am a fool for being "nice". When I needed that person to be there, he made such bad excuses that I really had to wonder the type of people I was associating myself with. However, I always have hope that something bigger and better is coming my way. I will succeed. I will still assist. I will still be there even when I have my last breath. My strength as also become my weakness. Stormwind, maybe this person will be the only one there, when you truly need them. We just have to pray everything will be okay. | |
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| StormWindBG (59) | 3 months ago | Yea you are right... hope and faith is really a good thing in a situation like that, it prevents us from losing ourselves;) and i will keep on being there for that person, even tho i keep thinking more and more that. the.. "There are no eternal friendships, just eternal interests" or ... "everyone picks their friends for what they can use in them" and "everyone is a friend so far as they have what to gain from you" phrases are pretty much true... and having someone be there for u when no one else would be is kind of... using him ... Anyway ill keep on caring, no matter what... i promised it to myself:P and to her... even after she cheated... | |
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| 4. hotsummer (2702) | 3 months ago |  i think that is really a good thing when you are a shoulder to cry on. i think that we need of more of people like you that we can cry on and who are willing to listen specially life is quite difficult.
and though i think that you should not trust people much but still that should not hold you from giving your help to those who in need when you naturally have this character to help people out. if you are naturally good nature person then it is a gift that you should use. not many are blessed with character like that and you should value that. don't feel you are being abused. you can still helpful without getting taken advantage of. if you will just listen to them i don't think that they can take advantage of you. as long as they don't ask you for money or any other kind of help that you should not giving them. but if you are only giving some of your time then there is nothing wrong with it.
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| StormWindBG (59) | 3 months ago | The main problem, as i said is that i am there for them, but none of them seems to wanna be there for me... thats all, and well... i dont know if you have heard of that, but helpers are the one who are sad in the end... | |
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| hotsummer (2702) | 3 months ago | i agree with you i am like you before. i was always there even to some people not close to me. i will give my time, and not only ear, i will even help them like go out of my way to fix their problem, shed out money from my own pocket just to help them and them when i am not able to help them cause i am busy i was shouted and treated like i had responsibility on helping them which was not really the case cause i barely know this family. i just pitied them so i helped them out and etc. and all i got was to be shouted and treated like dirt. and so sometimes that mother still by our place to sell some stuff . i just both lat month some stuff just to help her out. but not any more to the point i am going to help like i used to do. no way. i got abused, they didn't thank me, but that was alright but i hate to be shouted at which i don't deserve after all i have done for her family. and the most ridiculous thing when she goes by our place, like she will in a way sneak into the kitchen look for something to eat and get something to eat when no one is looking though she did ask permission to eat. i don't know what of person is this. she is not a family friend. we consider her only like a visitor cause that what she really is . we were never been friends. i helped befoer when i didn't know her well just because she happened to know my friend before. | |
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5.  kent_help2smile (1772) | 3 months ago |  Being a shoulder to cry on to your friends is a good thing. Friends shares everything whether bad or good. Friends care for each other more than anything. Betraying someone might have a good reason why he/she done that for you. Possible he likes you to be a good citizen of your country. Don't you know that decision making and putting friendship at stake is very hard.
In order to settle the problems in betraying issue. Ask him/her what did he/she do that unto you. After you hear the explanation his/her side. Its your decision if you will continue your friendship or not. As what I have said, Decision Making is very hard so calm down, don't get to your emotions after wards think hard. And settle what the things to settle.
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| StormWindBG (59) | 3 months ago | THe reason i got from her is "It just happens" and "Thats just how i am" and also "Well i just did... i felt like it" and other things such as those... and well i made my choice, ill always be there for that person but... i still know when it comes to it... she cares and needs me only when shes alone and everyone else has betrayed her or doesnt care... and the moment someone steps trough her door, everything about me is in the past... and everything is meaningless, and she dosnt care... until the next moment when everyone screws her and im the only one left... to be there for her and... although i decided to stay, it still hurts and it still bothers me... | |
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| kent_help2smile (1772) | 3 months ago | Then its time for you to set boundaries between the two of you. Friends should have mutual relationship. If not, your relationship couldn't be called Mutual at all. According to Science, if both parties are benefited meaning Mutual relationship but if so happen that the ONLY ONE is being benefited in 2 parties we call that PARASITISM. | |
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| StormWindBG (59) | 3 months ago | O_O Thats one way weird way to put it O_O Ill think carefully about what you said:) thanks for your opinion | |
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| 6. LittleMel (6484) | 3 months ago |  it depends on the person that gives the shoulder to cry on I guess
it's not everybody's cup of tea
some people are great listener and true friend
some are not due to bad experiences in the past or just who they are
in any event, give yourself but don't stretch too thin
withdraw when you need to recharge your battery
then you can give yourself again if you feel like it
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| 7. sonyajohnson (13) | 2 months ago | I think it should be for your real friends and not for women that your interested in, because you will get hurt in the end. Keep your heart guarded for this type of let downs. Being someones shoulder to cry on is ok as long as it is genuine friendship and no attachments. | |
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