The "D" Word
By jesssp
@jesssp (2712)
Canada
September 15, 2009 1:37pm CST
Divorce. It seems like I've seen so much of it lately. And it seems like it's the "perfect" couples that are splitting up. I guess it isn't a very polite topic to bring up but I have a few questions for those of you who have been through it and for anyone who has any insight.
The couples I know that are currently going through separations are younger and have a family. They are good people and always appeared very stable. I guess that's why it seems like such a shock that they would divorce but of course you can't see inside their relationships. If you have been through it was the biggest reasons for the split things that you saw before you married or early on that just escalated and got worse? Or were they things that developed over time or straight out of the blue? Were there signs that you ignored and shouldn't have?
If you feel comfortable discussing it why did you divorce? Looking back was there things that could have been done differently or was it inevitable? What advice could you give to a newlywed like me?
2 people like this
3 responses
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Sep 09
I haven't been through it. Yet...
I wonder though about those "perfect" couples. Perhaps they are really good at putting up fronts and not so much at communicating problems. And maybe that's a problem in the marriage too...
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
15 Sep 09
I am not divorced, so probably have no business here, but I do admit there are times I've thought about it, and honestly for me it's over silly reasons. My hubby and I still have issues with communication. I have a real hard time telling him exactly what I want, you know, I'm a girl and want him to read my mind! He has trouble telling me just about anything. We get in fights over it a lot, even over the lack of communication. Like when we're out driving he'll suddenly take a turn that I didn't expect. I'll ask where he's going and he gets mad at me for asking and he thinks he doesn't have to answer, I should just accept that he knows what he's doing. It's a minor problem, yes, but there are others, and on the wrong day even a minor problem can become a big one.
We spent a couple of years doing nothing but fighting all the time, and once we get fighting it gets harder for me to let my guard down again, and it just seems easier to just stay mad at him and keep fighting... so it snowballs. During those times I honestly do think that I should (and maybe will) leave him. Once the fight is over and we've made up I change my mind and decide I'm not going anywhere, ever.
I guess it's a bit childish of me to be so wishy washy about it, and I'm learning that now. I used to threaten to leave whenever I felt like I wanted to. At least now I'm trying hard not to do that often, and to remember they're just fights and not worth losing everything over.
I know this didn't come close to answering your questions, just felt like chatting about my irrational mind!! Thanks for listening.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
15 Sep 09
Insight it insight, I appreciate yours. I guess a lot of totally solvable problems end up turning into gigantic issues because of lack of communication and I think it's something most couples struggle with. It really is key. I think that feeling like it's too much work or not worth it or whatever is also very common with couples, especially young ones, and walking away is just so much easier. Maybe it's a maturity thing. Plus it's just so easy to pull the plug, even with a family in the picture. Which is a good thing for a lot of situations (abuse etc) but it also allows people to be lazy and not bother working on their problems. It just seems like sometimes divorce definitely is the only answer but I can't help but wonder how many times it really isn't.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
16 Sep 09
he was a drunk, nuff" said. I wouldn't give u any advice because i am not qualified to. I made a mess out of my life over it. I DO HOPE U HAVE BETTER LUCK THAN I DID.
