Aging family members.

I fully understand your position, and the puzzle to wander between the choices. My over 90 year old mother is staying with me currently. She was lucky to be recovered from a fall a month ago. My sisters came in the take care, and after the injury pain is gone, she is taking chinese medication, and has good appetite and sound sleep. We really have to make sure she be accompanied wherever she goes.

Although there are senior homes, mother of four daughters is unlikely to go there. As long as we are fit and swift, it is ok, but for my generation, I do not expect to have the same treatment. The only child is not likely to bear the heavy burden. We are prepared to live the long period of time in the senior homes, preferably with decent living conditions and adequate respect.

Pose 123, this is one of the main reasons why I want to die early. I do not have any brothers or sisters, since I was the only son. I do not want to trouble my children or my wife.Not everybody is lucky to have a brother like you. Your brother is quite lucky to have such a loving daughter and son in law. I think my son in law would throw me into the bay of Bengal.
Even though I have not seen you, I always admired you for the way you used to respond to all the discussions. My admiration for you has gone up much more, after reading this discussion.
Rameshkumaar.

I really admire you and your family members whom are taking care of of your brother. Normally, children and siblings will walk away from aging parents and shy away from responsibility. But to take care of them, during old age and in sickness, that is really an honorable thing to do. No doubt it is hard, but there is just so much courage there. I used to have a sick grandpa. And we were all taking care of him, it looked like a bit hard during that time, but we went through it too. Years have passed since, and he has passed on, but the memory of him still lingered strongly. I can only hope that I had been there longer for him. Taking care of him, telling him how much he meant to me. Now that he's no longer around, it just feels so surreal, and those hard time taking care of him just felt nothing now. I couldn't even remember the tiredness. Just missing him..

When I was taking care of my mom who was 93, I had to deal with quite similar problem, she would not sleep for two nights and continuously talking going back to her past. When she don't sleep of course I can't sleep either. She would argue with you that her friends were around, when in fact said friends died already. All you have to do is to agree with her sometimes just for her to go to sleep. When she fall asleep then it's 24 hours. You'll be glad you could have enough sleep as well. There are times that she don't want to enter her room as she's claiming it's not our house, all I do is to roam her around first and explain to her, "okey Mom. here we are now at our own home", that's the only time she would feel comfortable. After few months however my mom could no longer talk, until her last days came. I missed though the times when I have to play like a mom to her. How is wish when we grow old our children would play like our parents to us as well. I know your niece could cope with this and am a happy for him having a brother who care for him that much.

No, I have not had to deal with this situation till now. But let me say that I think everybody mentioned in this discussion are a part of a very wonderful and caring family…
All of us have our own preoccupations and caring for the aged is never easy…yet this daughter and her husband (more so) are determined to do as much as they can and you being at your age, pitch in to help as and when you can…and then the eldest grand lady who’s fighting fit at her age (yes, I remember her illness and your worries) …I have nothing to add to this discussion, only my best best wishes that you all stay together and enjoy many more years of sharing and caring for each other.

My mom is 89 now and believe it or not she chooses to still live in her great big house all by herself. She keeps it spotless. She does pay someone to cut her grass and I go to her house and help her with errand at least 3 days a week. Her only problems are getting frail and not being able to see well.

i too get worried over my aging parents. my mom is already 68 and my father is 69 who is i am caring of. but i am worried about us siblings. cause we are all single and the youngest is already 33 and i bit older than him while the other two are in their 40's. if we all get old single it will be really a problem. like they my other siblings are not worried if we all get old single. i just wish that they would marry. i know that in our clan in my mother side that our relatives or my cousins marry late. mostly in their 30's and some earlier like in their 25. only few did marry really young.

one reason for most of our relatives marrying late is having a strict parensts. maybe in our family my mom is really strict and quite very manipulative in a way and try to impose something on us on what kind of person to marry and it is like we need her approval always in every thing we do. it is not easy growing with my mom and her relatives cause of very strict upbringing in a way. we are not like other family when their kids get pregnant that their parents will be accept is very easily or if their boy have a baby with a woman in their young age that they will just accept it. in my family we were brought in such a strict way, though they don't really say that we can't do this or that but their actions and their behavior and treatment of us it is quite strict.


anyways, hopefully your sister will get well soon.

I really feel for your family because dementia is usually very
serious,and he has to have supervision at all times. The other
alternative is a nursing home,but usually they deteriorate fast
if you admit them to a nursing home. I know is difficult,but try
to keep him at home for as long as all of you have the strength. My
prayers are with your family since this must be a very difficult
time for the family. In regards to your sister, I hope that she recovers
soon since she appears to be active,and who knows even reach 100 years old.

You are all very lucky to have such loving and willing family members. They are obviously feeling stress from the situation and perhaps would benefit from joining a support group dealing with the health issue. Ask neighbors to help with small things like meal preparation or cleaning. The healthy and calmer the family is, the calmer your brother will be.

i so know what you mean. my generation is called a sandwich generation meaning we have aging parents and kids still at home plus if you are like me, a job (well, actually i have 2!) but my mom is a few years older than you, i am an only child and my dad passed away in early february, not only that, i have a 12 year old and a 16 year old at home!
but to that end, my hubbys dad has been diagnosed with altzheimers and right now still lives at home with my mother in law (who has health issues too) so who knows how long they will be able to live in their own house?