Father and Daughter

I agree! If the father and daughter are both okay with it then it's fine--because either party could feel akward-but they don't.

I'm pretty sure there is a very good shower curtain lol. I doubt very much the girl would allow anyone in the bathroom with her if there wasn't one!:P

I think it really depends on the people involved, the girl mostly. If it were me I would not want my dad in the bathroom, even with a shower curtain. In fact, I wouldn't want ANYONE in the bathroom with me (my sister, my friend)...I like my shower time to be 'me time.' lol.

I agree. If the girl is behind a shower curtain and the dad is only shaviing it is really NOT perverted. I assume he is dressed. If it gets to be a problem I think one of them needs to wake up alittle earlier and get in the bathroom first.

Yeah he said he just shaves in there, it does sound like most his other morning things are done (including getting dressed-which I'm sure he does in his bedroom).

I don't have a lot of time in the morning, I come home from work at 6:30am...take about 10 minutes to eat breakfast before I go to bed. So I never get any kind of time with my family in the morning or during the day. I think it's good they have this time to talk.

I don't think the girl would engage in talking to her father about her life if she were uncomfortable and self-concious. And while I know there are some weird pervs out there that would find attraction in a daughter, it's a very few number--and we can't label this guy as a pervert for having to share a bathroom to get ready for work. I think the fact that he wrote in to Dear Abby makes it less worse, if he had any sinister thoughts in mind he wouldn't be talking about it in a paper that so many people read.

I am still writing, I'm taking an online writing class right now and my instructor is pretty happy with my assignments so far. I really can't wait to hear what she has to say about my latest assignment!:D

I still think it's up to parents to set the patterns of behavior for their children, to define the "norm." This intimacy probably is completely innocent, but it blurs the lines. There are still deeper ramifications not immediately evident to either party. A girl is especially attuned to how men view her because of how she views her father. I'm thinking she might, later on, be less than appropriate with other men in her life. That does happen, you know.

There are reasons society sets up taboos, & it's foolish to dismiss them lightly. I'd recommend reading some books on psychology about this.

Maggiepie
IMPEACH HIM!

Yes, for fear of repeating myself, I'd have to agree with Maggiepie. Lily, if you're still taking psychology seriously, read Erik Berne's "Games People Play" and take a close look at the game "uproar" which is certainly relevant to this conversation.

oh yes! The father made a point to say that he is out of the bathroom by the time her shower is done! Did I forget to say that? Oops! lol

You bring up a good point; if there was only one bathroom would reations from the mom and Abby be different? I mean, everyone knows how busy people are in the morning--and if the father and daughter don't have time to wait for each other they wouldn't really have any other choice!

Well this girl is at school during the day, and who knows what her dad does for a living. He might be gone until she's in dead. There are times when I won't see (literally, SEE him) my dad at all for a day, maybe even two...so it's not that hard for my to believe that the morning is the only time they have to talk.

I get the morning part but while she is in the shower?? A shower generally takes 10 mins. If that is the only 10 minutes that he is able to slot his daughter into his life then I would say it is time for him to drastically rearrange his time. Sorry but I just find this really bizarre. He is up and starting his day so that tells me that he must work first shift. I would think there would be time in the evening at some point to have some quality talks. don't know. I am a single parent and I don't see my daughter much in the mornng. She is busy getting ready for school. I don't hold her up with chit chat. I would never go in the bathroom while she was taking a shower thinking that was a good place to have a heart to heart talk. I do go in to pee and I leave when I'm done. She could not really hear me under the shower anyway. I have spoken to her and have had to repeat myself. It's not a good conference set up.

I see what you're saying about the bathroom not being an ideal place to talk-especially while trying to talk over a shower. But my point of this discussion is I don't think the situation is as perverse as Abby made it out to be.

Thanks Sid!:)

oh not saying it is perverse at all. I would not go as far as to prejudge that not knowing the parents. It just isn't right. It bothers his wife and he sould be working with his wife on this.

Yeah, I figure when she gets older she'll let him know when she doesn't want him in there any more. Maybe even, when she starts High school she'll start taking showers in the evening--that's what I did and that let me sleep in a little longer lol

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I get exactly what you are saying, but the thing is if the dad was some creepy pervert, or wanted sexual relations with his daughter in the 1st place, this guy was already that way, and his eventual true self would come out.

Ok now ask if I think male and female cousins should sleep in the same room....answer is no because they are both learning and are sexually confused...lol

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probably not. I mentioned the age thing because you guys mentioned age 15 as the age when she might not be comfortable with him being in there with him. I think it might be much younger than 15 when she feels this way. Many girls hit puberty now before age 12. Just saying the dad should find another time to communicate with his daughter. In the shower, she is or will be needing her privacy. I understand the mother's concerns. It does not have to be about the dad being guilty of anything...the dad just does not belong in the bathroom when his daughter is showering. She needs to get ready for school. I don't know how they can do deep conversations while she is in the shower anyway. I've gone in the bathroom and tried to just say something to my daughters while they are in the shower...I usually have to shout and repeat myself to be heard. I can't imagine this being my time to hold deep bonding conversations with my daughter or anyone. She should be soaping up and rinsing and getting out and getting ready for school....not talking to dad. Sorry...I can't in any way find a way that this would be ok.

She does not get out of the shower while her dad is in their bathroom, he is out of there before she's done.

And to me it sounds like this girl is not worried about privacy right now. It sounded like she was enjoying this talking time as much as the father. The girl knows what she wants more than anyone else, and when she wants her privacy she will tell him.

If this is the only time they can really talk, then they should be able to without the mother complaining. What if the dad is some kind of big business guy and he works from sun up to sun down?

This seems very different to me! No one is seeing the other naked in this guys situation...that Scandinavian thing is pretty weird to me.

But isn't it the potential of the nudity that is the problem here?

He doesn't see her naked, and he probably has no desire too. That is very different from an entire family walking around naked in front of each other.

Then I've misunderstood. I thought it was the potential of the nudity (not nudity itself) that was the problem here for Abby? What was her reason for it being inappropriate?

Abby's issue was that the daughter was getting older--but I still disagree. I'm sure when the daughter is no longer comfortable with it she will either migrate to the downstairs bathroom, or she'll just tell her dad.

I don't think this is going to affect the way the girl grows up. You make it sound like this is going to make her grow up to be some kind of...hore (mylot won't let me spell it right, lol). Her dad is not giving her any kind of impression like that. This seems like a pretty innocent situation to me.

The mother is having a problem with it. it seems as if it should be addressed. I guess more details would help understand the situation. Has he always done this routine with his daughter or did it just start up recently. Seems as if after 12 years the mom would have gotten used to it or done something about it which makes me feel that this is a fairly new situation.

Well I'm sure it hasnt been going on for 12 years....babies generally don't need time in the bathroom in the morning:P hehe. I would GUESS that it's maybe been going on for a year or two...but you're right that more details would help better understand.

Yeah! People are going to start thinking it's wrong of fathers to see daughters in bathing suits, which is ridiculous! Good point!

And the man did say in his letter that once he's done shaving he leaves the bathroom, it isn't like he's lingering in there.

Sure we have paedophiles coming out of the woodwork these days...but we also see Dads bonding early with their children in ways that never used to happen. Dad's today take a much more active role in the family. There will also be these self appointed do gooders who will try and make something out of nothing.