Having a problematic friend: WHAT SHALL I DO? PLS.. NEED UR HELP!!  

I know that it is really hard to share especially if you dont like the person but the point here is that you know the person. I know that deep inside you want to help your friend and if you can not help her by sharing money then there are other ways to help a person. Just be positive and for sure God will help you and your friend. God bless

Hi tess_quinain,

I sympathize with you. I have a neighbor that has 6 children and this is often the case with her also. I am always trying to help feed her kids. I finally realized that the situation wasn't going to get any better. I would suggest researching whatever local organizations there are in your area that can provide food and other services to those in need. Start with the local churches. They often have food pantries and give out food. The next time she needs food or other assistance, give her your list with the phone numbers to call. It might also help if you could ask around and find any leads to the type of employment her husband does. I would not give up on my friend if I were you. You may be her only lifeline right now. However, don't be taken advantage of either. It is so very difficult to turn away those in need, but if you can give her another place to go that might work. My very best to you.

Wow, very interesting story. In my opinion, you should help her no matter what happened. Helping people that we know, is a must. And you should not interfere their problem as husband and wife, what you can do is to give them suggestion to change their life, because they can not depends on others for the rest of their life. So the husband have to look for a job and responsible for his family life.

I can relate to this because my mom has been a constant helper to our sister friend that keeps working hard because her husband does not have a regular job. The husband is a painter so he gets job very often. And so, the wife looks for money by doing hard labor such as laundry, doing household chores to neighbors to feed 8 kids, imagine that. Although the main point is not that, she is taking the responsibility of the husband and this guy is very much at ease not to work because of that.

Everytime she is in need, she will run to my mom for help in terms of financial problems. My mom will give her money, most of the time they borrow, but my mom did not ask any for a return. Although it has been constant and redundant scenario already that my dad told my mom that if she wanted to help the person, let her realize that a wife should not take the responsibility of being a husband too. She is spoiling the husband already not to look for a job. They don't live by their means, they exceed and because of this, they end up borrowing money to neighbors and not returning it as to what they promise.

Well, my advice to you is this, if you love your friend, then teach her a lesson and impart to her this, do not shoulder your husband's responsibility. Live by your means. You can decide for yourself if this friend of yours has been abusing you already by asking you money every time. You are right when you said by helping, you are also helping the husband to get easy with life, he will not strive because you are the solution to their financial problems.

I understand your love for your best friend. Its highly commendable but man! sometimes you got to learn a thing or two about tough love. You just can't keep carrying your friend on your shoulders to the point that she ain't getting the chance to improve herself and find a way out of her situation.

Sometimes we got to make tough on people because that's what love is. It may hurt but for the greater good.

I suggest you try to get her a job and avoid giving her free ride for anything.Remember that teaching a man to fish is love. Giving a man a fish for a day is stupid charity.

I hear your frustration. Your friend and her family are going through major tough times an cannot seem to cope with reality. A job loss is always hard since they are to find these days. Your friend is seeking emotional, guidance, and financial assistance from you, but is also seeking a refuge from her problem too. With her husband causing self -infliction it sounds like he may have a mental disorder that is not normal and should seek help so as to cause any more harm to himself or maybe to others. This is a desperate situation for this family and they need all of their friends and family. Kindly put yourself in their shoes for a moment. Would you want your friends to abandon you in your hour of need? This is how you learn who your friends are and who are not. I understand it is hard to bear, but how do you think they feel everyday? Having to beg for help is hard in itself. no one can make anyone do anything they do not want to do. If you cannot continue to be friends with her under these circumstance, then you must be direct with her and state your reasons. You need to be honest with her. You do owe her that. She may get mad but you will have piece of mind. Unfortunately we cannot save the world, but we can do the best we can do. So, sit back , relax, and think about what you want to do. Are you helping the situation or hindering the situation by giving everything you have to them? Are they trying to help themselves? Stress makes a lot of people do things they normally would not do. Just re-evaluate the whole situation and if it is not healthy for you then you may have to distance yourself.
Normal people do not hurt themselves, so he may feel inadequate and just took it out on himself because he is a man and needs to take care of his family. Everyone gets stressed out in their life. But most learn how to deal with it as children. Coping skills are usually taught to children and then carry it onto adulthood. I or anyone else cannot solve your nor your friends dilemma, only you and your friend can do that. I know I would what I can do and leave it at that, but they would have to also help themselves, as well. Good luck, relax, and take care. Thing shave away of working it out. A good deed never goes unanswered.

No, don't avoid your friend she really needed your help. There are other options or ways to help your friend. Give her some advice and make her realize that her husband is not worth it to her love and care to there family. Or else there are government agencies that can help her situation. Be her strength, she really needed your help.

The hardest thing to do is to give advice to someone who's not interested to listen. Your friend is obviously a martyr. You can't do anything about that really, it's up to her to wake up.

I think the best thing for you to do is to help her find a job. Yes, you might be helping by lending her money, but that's just a short-term goal. You have to help her find a job so that she can earn her keep.

Friends are everything, do not ever give up just because our friends need a very big help to us. Maybe today he need our help but we cannot be avoided if one day, we will also needs his help. So, stay keep our friends.

Friends are everything, do not ever give up just because our friends need a very big help to us. Maybe today he need our help but we cannot be avoided if one day, we will also needs his help. So, stay keep our friends.