Not what I want or what I need...  

sighs and hugs ya........................

As I read along your discussion, I agree with you that you need someone or most of us need someone who can tell us honestly what may be wrong or right in certain decisions that we make. I think that the guy you have doesn't enough backbone to stand up for himself. When you'll be together, it will be more difficult since you will be making the decision and not him. What a shame for a man to just along the flow of water. I hope you'll make the best and wise decision.

Hi Dawn,
I hope you don't mind, but I think it might be wise to back away slowly.

Certainly, give it much more time, and a wider berth.

There are two unpleasant possibilities: He's hiding the truth or he's damaged from a previous relationship in life. Neither of which bodes well.

Then again, he may be an absolutely wonderful guy!

Awww Dawn here
What the heck..just tell him he is an idiot and he won't mind.

Hi dawnald,



Hde doesn't want a conflict, so he is in hiding, lol! but my hubb don'at agree with me all the time, so we have a barney, then later on, he realize the I was right in the first place, I am right about most things in this house but he likes to think that he is, but if your hubby agree agree with you all the time, he is just trying to please and that is not the answer and sooner or later it will come to a boiling point of no return.


Tamara

hi dawn sounds to me like a desperate man trying to hang onto something that it seems to me is rather dead now. this is sad but you need to stick up for yourself.Men, they want you to be happy then they do that kind of stuff. I think most of us dislike conflict, as I know I sure do but when you are unhappy enough in a marriage I imagine you are going to have to stick it out somehow, Sooner or later his anger will build up again and then what? I am beginning to think you two really need a quick clean cut, then continue to be friends but again I am no marriage counselor either. good luck and God Bless.

It is the "Yes Dear" syndrome. Smart husbands just say this phrase instead of starting Any conflict.But I would say the ame thing if every time I voiced my true view and it gets demeaned. have you ever asked him his true opinion and when he gave it , you insulted it? If so, he has learned that you will Always hate his view so why voice it. I would have felt the same thing! i would stop giving my view too. Yes dear is safer. why waste your time and breath if he isn't going to heard or understood.For me it wuld only take one time. One time of feeling that my view will be demeaned for me to Never voice my opinion again.

But if you Never demeaned his opinion, then it could be that he has no opinion either way. He is assuming you will make up your own mind in time.I never knew this until recently but some people just want a sounding board. I am more like men . When I hear a problem I think quickly how to fix it. my sister told me some women just need someone to listen only! He could have assumed you needed to figure it out yourself.

The problem is you may never know.If he is just trying to please you , he may Never tell you his true feelings about anything.

Logic tells me there is one way out - force him to express his opinion first. Instead of expressing your opinion and asking him what he thinks, state the case and ask for his opinion before revealing yours. That should lead to a discussion where you can pose alternatives.

Men! You have to treat them like children sometimes.

It is scary in a way not to be able to have an honest discussion. Just as bad would be any time you would criticize he would then start to kick himself and say what an awful person he is. Been there, done that. Right now, I am in a place where I can express myself, say what I think, listen, and sometimes agree with the other opinion, and sometimes be a meany, but apologize later, etc. In other words, pretty equal give and take, and it feels really good. Hope you can get there with someone, somehow. It is good to have two adults in a relationship.

And this is why I'm still single! LOL

It's bad enough when I'm of two minds.. the last thing I want and need to deal with, is an external 3rd mind. They wouldn't know which of my two minds to agree with which would only send them mental. lol