Which Parenting Style Will You Choose??-Authoritative Or Permissive??  

Hi sagar.. I already read a lot of responses of yours, i respond to your discussion for the first time. I am a mother of two small kids and i support your style. i.e. Authoritative in some cases as well as permissive in some cases, if my son going in a nice manner i never control him, if his way is wrong, surely i will guide him and make him in to a nice way, overall i am not a strict mother as well as not very flexible too. I am moderate.

I choose authoritative. It demands respect and because most kids today are just too self-absorbed that they don't listen to their parents anymore.

I am pregnant at the moment and have been around kids all my life and seen how they have been brought up.

One of my sisters lets her 3 children get away with murder, they have no bedtime, no routine, and are quite spoiled in that if they ask for something like sweets before dinner, she will give in because she doesnt want the mither of saying no and the tantrum which follows (because she has never lay down the law!!!).

Another of my sisters gives her children EVERYTHING. They are Number One, whatever they want they get, a new PS3 or Xbox every few months, new things for their bedrooms every week, outings to Alton Towers, Grand Prix races, expensive basically!!! They can afford it, but it makes the children very very spoiled. We all want to be able to spoil our kids once in a while, but I dont think things like that should come for no reason, and instead should be earned. They don't lift a finger in the house etc!

I want to be strict with my child, I want them to have a bedtime, a strict routine, no specially cooked meals becuase of fussyness (unless they have alergies etc), no treats unless they have earned it and they will help out around the house once they are old enough to, no lolling around watching TV while me and my husband do the washing, hoovering, cleaning everything else, they will help, even if it jst by hanging up their own clothes afetr they come out of the wash, or tidying up after themselves and doing the dishes once a week!!!

Something whch annoys me in the modern day, is the way children rule adults lives, the adults life changes so much when a child comes into it whereas in thr 40s it didnt, a child was sombody who lived in the house under YOUR rules.

If we want to do soemthing, but the child doesn't (i.e. go for a walk in the park), it will be tough, we wont be making everythign different just for the child, yes we will go on trips out to the seaside in the summer, go to theme parks, etc etc, but if the child acts up about it, then the privalege will be taken away!

I have an old fashioned approach to parenting, and I refuse to let a child rule my life by screaming and demanding from me, for me what isnt what I wanted a baby for, I wanted to bring another life into the world to teach them, to bring them up, to love and be loved, and not to be ruled. I dont agree the child should do everything for you, and they should have privacy, their own room or place where they can play or study as they get older, and they shouldnt be stopped from living their life! But neither should the parent!!!

In order to be an effective parent you must be somewhere in the middle on all of these fronts. Children need to be taught right from wrong so you need to be authorative. But on the other side they also need to be able to explore and learn on their own, so you need to be permissive. Kids need to know that as a parent you care and support them, so being over concerned in some instances is ok. To the other side of that you also need to give them some space and let them develop into the people they are going to be, so uninvolve yourself sometimes.

I have raised two very well rounded young men that will go forth and do good things in the future becuase they know that no matter what I am here for them.

I think it's important to maintain a balance. You need authority to assure that your kids aren't completely out of control and don't become obnoxious. However, you can't be constantly hard on them so the permissive side coming into play is equally as important.

I am a mother of six and my children of course have different attitude/character towards life and to other people. AS a single parent to them, I am many times authoritative. But I am explaining to them the reason why I need to and they understand. I am an authoritative but not a tyrant. I just make them feel and learn that they must listen to me, they are so young, as a mother I am not going to let them be in the wrong path.

Hi Sagar,

I do not have children, and to the best of my knowledge am not due to have any in the next 9 months, but I have thought about how I would be as a mother and I agree with your way. I would want to be tough but also caring.

I wasn't brought up by attentive parents. These days I generally imagine that I brought myself up and that all my values and stuff were given to me by my mind when I was younger. As such I would want to actually be a parent to my child. I would not want to be too busy working to get money give them material things instead of my love. I would want to give them me instead, and if that meant they couldn't have the latest gadget them so be it. Aside from that I would have very specific rules of the house and I would ensure my children followed them. I am disciplined so would expect them to be too. That said I would also let them know I was there for them if they had problems. I never felt I could talk to either of my parents and so I want to make sure my kids know they can talk to me, and that they want to do that.

Mainly though I am going to be a parent that actually brings up my child. I think that is the main cause of the problems in society these days. No one in the 'civilised' world raises their kids. Other kids raise their kids, or the TV does. I was lucky, my mind is kind and strong and so I turned out right, other kids aren't and they just get destroyed by the neglect of their parents. Oh and permissive parenting comes under the thing of ignoring in my mind, as wrong as that may be. My parents would probably be classed as permissive!

All the best,
Dranz

Hi Sagar,

I really think that falling into any one category could result in problems. So much of how you discipline a kid has to do with the kid himself. All kids are different and respond differently. I had 4 girls with very different personalities. The goal should always be the same....to raise independent and productive happy people to add to the world.

Hi sagar: I'm not a parent but i'll try to be objective while i'm giving you an answer. I think that we shgouldn't chose between these two styles because both are wrong and both produce 1. Children that don't want to respect the authority or 2. kids that won't feel free, that will suffer a lot and will also have psicologycal problems. So I'll chose a balance. I'll display all my love to my kids but I'll show my authority when I have to teach them to chose the right thing and if they do something wrong and I'll do this always for their best. Thanks for starting this discussion. Have a nice day.

ALVARO.