stage 4..
@chicksdigscars (5483)
November 16, 2011 8:29am CST
I received some sad news recently. My grandmother, who I haven’t spoken to or seen in 9 years, due to a family fall out, has terminal lung cancer. Stage 4. Inoperable.
She is my dad’s mother, and although he “made up” with her somewhat, about 3 years ago, my sister and I haven’t really had any contact with her. I don’t live near my parents so that maybe has something to do with it. But now that she isn’t well, we’ve been over, and we have, rekindled our relationship.
But I’m finding it very hard to cope. I’m 24, and 9 years ago I was 15.. that’s a long time to go without having contact with someone. I’d even forgotten what she looked like. And as much as this may sound horrible to say, it would not have pained me if she died, because she is a stranger to me now.
However, now that I am getting to know her again, I’m terrified. How can I get to know someone, all over again, knowing they are being taken away from me? How can I start to love them again, knowing that they are going to die within the year. Would it not be best if I stayed away? Never felt that love, so then never felt the grief of her death?
But my poor daddy is loving that his “princesses” are getting to know his mother again.. and I’m the apple of my daddys eye, and my granny is dying to see me again, because I’m so like my dad.
Rock and a hard place.. or what?
What are your views?
2 people like this
6 responses
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
A situation like this usually brings an estranged family back together. It's a strange feeling that they have to cope up with the lost years of being estranged for one reason or another, but it's never too late.
Whatever the reasons for estrangement , it has to be suddenly forgotten for the sake of letting the soon to be departing person happy in her last few days on earth.
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
18 Nov 11
It's an old avatar actually, that i like so much. I felt that i don't want to show my real picture anymore, since almost everybody is in their avatar only. 
@chicksdigscars (5483)
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17 Nov 11
yeah, the whole sort of being stranged thing is just gone! .. it's like we were never apart!
i didn't even recognise you there with your new picture :)
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
16 Nov 11
Oh, I am so sorry chicks..
I would look at it this way, yes your grandmother is not doing well, but you have been given a gift, to get to know her again. I know your first instinct is to not get too close, because it will hurt when it is time, but trust me, it is better to make good memories, than to regret not getting to know her. Yes it will hurt, I won't lie to you, but please don't pass this opportunity up, get to know your grandmother, spend as much time with her. Who knows, maybe your presence will give her more time here on earth, making her happy to get to know her granddaughter again will bless her beyond what you can imagine...
I would look at it this way, yes your grandmother is not doing well, but you have been given a gift, to get to know her again. I know your first instinct is to not get too close, because it will hurt when it is time, but trust me, it is better to make good memories, than to regret not getting to know her. Yes it will hurt, I won't lie to you, but please don't pass this opportunity up, get to know your grandmother, spend as much time with her. Who knows, maybe your presence will give her more time here on earth, making her happy to get to know her granddaughter again will bless her beyond what you can imagine...@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
16 Nov 11
i guess your right. well i don't guess. i know you are right. if you look down and see what i wrote to giftsandbags the you will see the actual story, and what had happened to cause the breakdown of the relationship in the first place.
its her choice to want us in her lives again, and i guess all i can do is honour her wish. i've already lost one grandparent, and i selfishly don't want to go through loosing another. but then again, that is a selfish act, and i pride myself on putting others first.
i do hope seeing my sister and i will give her a lease of life.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
16 Nov 11
Wow, it sounds like your grandmother is the one who actually made some bad choices. But, that is the past and she obviously wants to make it up to you since she is asking for you. I still stick with this is a gift, to get to know her in her last days. Like you said, it is her dying wish and you never know, you might find out that maybe there is a reason she did what she did or, she really is sorry for what she did and wants you to forgive her. Either way, I feel it is something you need to do, because if you don't, you might regret it..
@chicksdigscars (5483)
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17 Nov 11
i think you are right carm! you are so wise you! lol and so good at knowing what to say to people! .. if only you were a neighbour i'd be round having tea and chats always :)
1 person likes this
@marguicha (230350)
• Chile
29 Nov 11
If you love someone, you will always have pain when that person goes. But I truly believe that the joy of loving and being loved is more important than being indiferent in spite of the pain you will later have. Do make the most of this year if you can, and remember what good memories you had of her before you stopped seeing her.
Take care!
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
30 Nov 11
thank you very much for those kind words :) i will try to make the most of it.. and store what memories i can of her.
@WakeUpKitty (8691)
• Netherlands
16 Nov 11
Honey you should do what you think it's right.
I agree 9 years is a very long time ago. One of the most important parts of your life/changes was in it as well.
You are no kid, an adult and no matter how the situation is, do only what you think what is good for you.
Having family/being related doesn't mean there is automatcially a bond/connection.
If your life is fine the way there is, if you are happy with what you are and how far you came and don't feel the need to change anything don't do so.
If you think it might be interesting meet once you can decide for that as well.
I never saw my parents/family again since I am about 15-17 years old and I never regret it. So I can only say: do what is good for you since this is about you, not your granny, your dad or anyone else in the world.
@chicksdigscars (5483)
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16 Nov 11
i completely get what your saying, thank you so much for your response, you have given me a slightly different insight. and i think actually seeing her might be the best thing for me. i have missed her, and she was a large part of my life for so long, and i don't want to look back and regret not getting to know her when i'm older. i atleast want to say i tried to be there for her in her last days. and i think thats really something i need to do for myself.
how come you don't speak to your family? was this your choice?
@ardieboi (195)
• Philippines
17 Nov 11
Hello there chicksdigscars. First of all, i think nothing is ever too late when it comes to family. Your grandmother is going to pass away soon , you have to put in mind too that she has to feel what you have not let her feel for the last 9 years. For sure, your grandmother won't say that it's too late... It's always nice to know that despite the time left, you will be able to show her what she really means to you. God bless you!
@chicksdigscars (5483)
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17 Nov 11
yeah. i think i've decided that it isnt just for me, it's for her as well :) so i will be apart of her life while i can :)
