embarrased of my inlaws.
By delerium
@delerium (5)
November 29, 2011 7:04pm CST
just wanted to post something that has been bothering me for so long...
my mother in law is so quiet...i think she has a social phobia..my brother in law is exactly like his mum..quiet..no expression, does not get involved...its like they are living with no heart beat. My family are much more active, like to chat...start conversations, friendly etc. When there are family do's when the the x2 familys get together..im soooo embarrased...my brother in law and mother in law are like fish out of water...they just sit there and not talk...i get all anxious and embarrased...i feel like my family are thinking...what family has my daughter married into ..they are weirdos....
recently...i had my sons baptism....the next day my mum said i try to make an effort with your mother in law but she is cold..she does not talk..mum mum thinks that my mother in law dosnt like her....i told my mum off as i didnt want to hear it...my mum said we always invite her but she does not want to get involved..i dont know what to do....
sometimes i feel like i should of deserved better family to marry into...they are just so wrong and im getting anxiety over it...i stress when i know x2 familys need to get together..e.g christmas, easter...etc etc....
i feel like telling my mother in law off and say show respect to my family...your rude person...but then i dont want my husband to get upset over it..
i just feel maybe my brother in law is jelous and my mother in law as well..my mother in law is divorced..so she must be bleeding when she sees me and my family all happy...
what should i do..pls help someone.
3 people like this
8 responses
@delerium (5)
•
15 May 12
im so sorry to hear about that.
maybe its just not meant to be.
im very patient with in laws now....i need to accept there personality....
im letting go of that angre and our marriage is much better..im not always angry...if you live with angre...every thing around you fails...
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
30 Nov 11
If its any help I feel the same way. Before I married my husband he would talk and go places etc. Guess he wanted to win me over.
Once we got married and settled he just quit talking I have to litterally make him get in a conversation with me. (Thank God for mylot LOL)
His mother will come over to visit and if they say two words to each other all day,its a miracle. He feels guilty if he does not bring her over to the house yet has nothing to say to her and I am left to entertain her.
But I have caught on after 12 years. She sits on the couch my husband in his recliner and I in mine and I cross stitch and turn on a movie and just ignore them both since neither wants to discuss anything. I get a lot of stitching done that day after I serve the noon meal LOL
You can't change the way people are. Just accept and realize this is as good as it gets. Hope I have helped you to know there is others out there in the same boat as you.
@delerium (5)
•
30 Nov 11
LOL
I think i have to start doing the same
i get tired to try to get everyone to talk....its draining,....i just cant stand the silence and feel very uncomforable with it.
i feel so embarrased when my family are around and see this strangness. it makes everyone uncomfortable..its like we are all awkward...
hehe you must get so much stitching done..thats so funny.
ok..thanks ... i will just have to accept it...i have to accept its and reliaze this is it...i;ve married into an exciting family. haha
whats wrong with people...no motivation in life...dull people annnoy me...
my blood boils with the silence....
hehe at least x2 words are said..how funny...i should of seen this before getting married....im married now..what do i do...i just want my 8 month old to be in an active talkative environment..i will not let him suffer the silence.
thanks so much...you have made me feel better.
i wish i could be stong like you accepting people as they are..its just so hard for me..
one day i will change i hope.
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
8 May 12
Hi Delerium,
Welcome to Mylot!
I read all the responses and honestly, I think that your mother in law and brother in law may very well have social anxiety or something going on. It doesn't make them bad people at all. I think that rather than get all worked up over it that you should read up on it a bit in order to gain an understanding so that you can help rather than further hurt these people.
I have what is known as "select mutism". It's an anxiety disorder and it is hereditary. One of my daughters also has it. I worked on overcoming myself and it wasn't easy. Subsequently, I worked with my daughter to help her get above and beyond it. I also worked extensively with the public school system as an advocate for my daughter to help them understand so that they could work with rather than against her. It was quite a battle as some just could not understand. She is 26 now and doing well. We are both and always will be quiet, sensitive people by nature but this can be overcome to the point where it isn't as obvious as it is in the case of your husbands family.
Please read up on this.
I read all the responses and honestly, I think that your mother in law and brother in law may very well have social anxiety or something going on. It doesn't make them bad people at all. I think that rather than get all worked up over it that you should read up on it a bit in order to gain an understanding so that you can help rather than further hurt these people.
I have what is known as "select mutism". It's an anxiety disorder and it is hereditary. One of my daughters also has it. I worked on overcoming myself and it wasn't easy. Subsequently, I worked with my daughter to help her get above and beyond it. I also worked extensively with the public school system as an advocate for my daughter to help them understand so that they could work with rather than against her. It was quite a battle as some just could not understand. She is 26 now and doing well. We are both and always will be quiet, sensitive people by nature but this can be overcome to the point where it isn't as obvious as it is in the case of your husbands family.
Please read up on this. 
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
17 Feb 12
I experienced the same situation when my ex-boyfriend and I were together. My former father-in-law was extremely quiet and I think that he also had social anxiety. When my family and my former family-in-law were together my mother often tried to strike up a conversation with my father-in-law, but he hardly said anything at all, and it was very difficult to have a conservation with him. I also tried to talk to him, but it was hard for me, too, and I usually felt that I ended up talking too much, because he answered my questions in one or two words and didn't continue the conversation.
You wrote you were embarrassed because of your inlaws. I don't share that feeling at all. I think that my former father-in-law had social anxiety, and because of his anxiety he wasn't able to participate in the conversation. I am a talktative person myself, but I do understand the problems that he experienced. I tried to talk to him anyway and so did my family. He never became an outgoing person, but we accepted him the way he was and we tried to help him by talking to him anyway so that he didn't feel left out. I think that is person who is unable to talk because of social anxiety is very different from a person who is doesn't WANT to talk, and he probably did his best.
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
8 May 12
Thanks for sharing friend in great details, you appear to be upset, here in india too quarrel between brides and mother in laws are very common, many can adjust by proper understanding, to them i say, 'Just remove the words, 'in law' from mother in law, you will soon realize that mother in law is really mother, not a monster but an angel.. and it works, you try too.
Best of luck.
Professor
@marie2052 (3691)
• United States
15 May 12
You kind of described my mother in law and my husband. Some days I wanna whack em LOL
Neither can hear well. BUT we solved that problem for BOTH by getting hearing aids.
GEEEEZ
Now they complain about the hearing aids with this or that. So when you say something to them, his mom will look at you and laugh. I will look at my husband and say She did not hear a D*** word you just said.
I had to get her put in a home, its one thing to deal with one but two doing the same thing. No way.
But I have major disabilities that also hindered me from caring for someone else.
Now my husband he lives to eat, watches the clock for when he can HAVE his next meal. Then comes to the recliner and passes out in front of the TV.
He barely speaks.
I am outgoing and love to talk and I guess thats partly why I come to mylot because I can always answer a discussion and its like I get to talk to that person.
I do go out and do things but its mostly by myself.
Occasionally find a friend to do something with.
Instead of doing both families together, do like I did when the kids were growing up. Have one family come one day and the other another for a holiday
I never was up for putting my parents together with anyone either LOL.
So we did Christmas eve with one and Christmas day with the other.
But yea, me sitting and talking to my husband and he will not wear his hearing aids sometimes I get mad enough to walk out and not look back too LOL
Hope you settle your problems.
have a wonderful day hon.
@bubuth (1815)
• Philippines
11 Feb 12
I think your in a hard situation. hmm.. Ask your husband if your mother in law and brother in law are really quiet from the start so if he answer yes,so will not be bother anymore. But it is really weird to act like that when you are in a party because when i'm in a party or get together i see all people chatting to each other.. There are also possibility that she is just shy.
@jellygator (76)
• United States
12 Feb 12
I married a man who was kind of like that (but his mother sure wasn't!) When we went out, he never talked to people. When my mother came for a 5-day visit, he said maybe three sentences to her the entire time she was there. (He did talk to me, and we had a good relationship.)
I think he just liked to sit back and watch what was happening around him. I never tried to get him involved, though, and I just sort of did things I liked.
