How I Kept My Temper In Check I Do Not Know..

@Janey1966 (24170)
Carlisle, England
January 19, 2012 4:20pm CST
Earlier we were summoned by the in-laws' as it's John's nephew's birthday today (called Josh) so he had to nip out, buy a card, put some money in it and off we drove to their house. There is a lot of disruption in there due to the fireplace being ripped out and the wallpaper stripped off, ready for replacements. It's all to do with the new boiler but that's by the by.. I shall give you the gist of a conversation I had with my MIL and Josh and see if YOU would've kept YOUR temper in check as I did. MIL: We're going to have the carpet replaced. ME: Have you decided on a colour? MIL: Nah..but I want a light one like the one we have now. Can't stand dark carpets. ME: You could do as it's a big room. A dark carpet would look OK and Josh's oil from his boots wouldn't stand out so much therefore it would be easier to clean. They both got a bit shirty with me then even though I was joking...and they knew it too, just used it as an opportunity to have a go at me.. JOSH: I don't have dirty boots. MIL: Josh ALWAYS takes his boots off at the door, he's always done this...haven't you Josh? JOSH: Yeh. ME: Right! I didn't mean anything by it. I don't dispute that fact.. [Bear in mind that my MIL is always cleaning the carpet as I've witnessed her doing it and Josh was the culprit..she told me so herself. Anyway, we shall press on...] MIL: We might donate some of this old carpet to you Josh, when you move out into a new Council house with your Mum. JOSH: Yeh, so long as it's not in the bathroom (laughter) MIL: (laughter). Urgh, it's DISGUSTING having a carpet in the bathroom, it's sooo unhygienic. (She pulled her face at this point, looking at me as she did so). ME: Oh, so it was alright for YOU to put a carpet in OUR bathroom behind my back that time. [I was on holiday with Mum at the time, many years ago]. MIL: It's disgusting..carpets in bathrooms. Years ago we had one and Ian used to miss the toilet and the pee went everywhere. Yuk! She never answered me when I told her about the carpet in our bathroom. Totally ignored me and proceeded to laugh at how "disgusting" it is having a carpet in bathrooms. I KNOW it's disgusting as I didn't want one at the time but they bloody well put one in behind my back because they don't want us to have anything NICE in the house. Only THEY have nice things in their house...well, if you discount their naff wallpaper they've just bought..but I said nice things about it. Didn't slag it off. Why should I? What's to gain by it? I'm fuming with this woman and I'm more determined than ever to find work as I can use my own money to finance things I want doing in here. Because we're skint they have influence over us and I don't want any. They piss me off big time. I told hubby that if I don't find something quick the in-laws will just take over the house and nothing in here will have anything to do with us. This is exactly what they want because their house has GOT to look better than ours. It's like some competition and I'm sick of it. I've just filled in an application form (with help from hubby) for a job near Blackpool as I want to be as far away as possible from them.
3 people like this
5 responses
inertia4
@inertia4 (27978)
• United States
22 Jan 12
With a situation like this, your husband should be the one that confronts his mother and sticks up for you. Look, I understand that is is mother, but that does not mean she is perfect. My mother is a wonderful woman, but she does have her moments. I remember a time when I was married, and some things were said to my wife, and my wife told me, I would always confront my mother and straighten things out. I do the same now with my girl friend. But my girl now does get along with my mother awesomely. I understand what you're saying and how you feel.
Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
22 Jan 12
She drinks a lot too..which doesn't help as she's secretive about it..in front of me anyway. She can bang on about how she's cut down all she likes but I know different. Unfortunately, that husband of hers is exactly the same. He's more amenable than his wife but he never chastises her, therefore she can get away with things, whether it's directed at me or her own son. Note that my anxiety only started whenever I have contact with those two. I never even suffered from it before. Getting away from them is the only way I can grow back to how I was as a human-being. Not only have they zapped John's confidence in himself (unlike when he's with me because I've told him many times he's better than he thinks he is) they're trying it with me too. Finding a job in Lytham will be the first step. Granted, I won't be able to see John as much but I won't stop seeing him altogether. How the in-laws would LOVE that..and I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of us splitting up. You never know, one day he may want to move away from Carlisle himself. I honestly believe my parents think more of him than his own do..and I'm not just saying that. I've known them a long time and it's obvious to me they won't allow him to have a brain of his own.
1 person likes this
inertia4
@inertia4 (27978)
• United States
26 Jan 12
Strangely I understand that. My mother being an old time italian mother is all about close family. She is too protective. Where my father is the opposite. I take after my father more. My brother takes after my mother. So, there are arguments and my mother always says the same thing, that I take after my fathers side of the family. My girl friend can relate to this as well. I have always went against the grain. But, growing up I always heard, you can't do this, you can't do that. I believed it as well. But I always questioned why. I always thought that there has to be a better way, or I can do that. So, I relate to this. I think your husband is stronger then that, believe me. I think that he will not let nothing happen to your relationship.
changjiangzhibin89
@changjiangzhibin89 (17239)
• China
20 Jan 12
Over here ,most of MIL don't get along well with their daughter-in-law either.Many things account for the occurrence.It seems as if your MIL always considers her to be a benefactor and rides the high horse.However you are just the one that calls a spade a spade.I am glad that you will get a job soon.
changjiangzhibin89
@changjiangzhibin89 (17239)
• China
21 Jan 12
There is no need for you to take that to your heart,as long as John knows exactly how things stand.
mr_pearl
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
20 Jan 12
Oh Janey... It is always the same and in every house in the world. The in-laws are always full of trouble, I am not sure why... There must be some psychological reason behind it, though. Here is my suggestion miss.. If they are never going to be good then there is no point in trying to be good with them and expecting the same. You want to go away, but what about John. You see if you go away, then John is gonna be alone too... He will miss you and am sure, you will miss him.. So if you are gonna get a job, that is a nice idea. That will keep you busy for the day and away from them. It'll also add to your monthly income. But you don't have to go away from your home... Take care....
Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
20 Jan 12
We don't actually live with John's parents but sometimes it feels that way, such is their interference at times. You're right of course. If I did find a job in my hometown rather than here I would miss John and he would miss me..but the in-laws are making me ill with their constant jibes and they won't be satisfied until I'm crushed and we divorce. I really think that's what they want..but it's not what we want. The Minister's words (who married us in Las Vegas) are imprinted in my brain.. "Do not let anyone or anything get in the way of your love for each other." This is more true now than ever before. Love conquers all..and it will too, whether we stay here or move away.
savak03
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
20 Jan 12
So, let's see if I've got this straight. It is your house but you inlaws are living there to help financially and they are taking over your life? Actually that sounds like what inlaws would do. I feel for you.
Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
20 Jan 12
No, they live in another house but they try to control what goes on here whenever my back is turned. You see, my parents live 100 miles away so whenever I go there to visit my in-laws descend on this place (given half a chance) like rats. When I'm here they cannot get away with as much as when I'm not, although John HAS learned to say "no" to all their crap they want to give us, so now it all goes in their loft. They can't even be bothered to take stuff to the recycling centre which winds me up no end. The carpet incident happened whilst I was on holiday with my Mum, way back in 2003. I wasn't living here then but commuting every weekend. Even then I knew me and John would be married someday, so imagine my dismay at seeing this carpet in the bathroom when I came visiting him after my holiday had finished. It's blue too and "matches" the blue bathroom suite. John told me at the time it was a "temporary measure until we can put proper flooring in." I'm still waiting all these years later. No doubt the in-laws are having a good laugh at our expense...and from now on it's going to STOP. I've had enough of their jibes. I remember when we got our blinds last year (without any help from them) and my MIL looked at them and didn't even comment. It's like she was jealous at the fact we'd done something without involving them. Well, I tell you this; once I get that elusive job I won't involve them at all in anything relating to this house..and I certainly won't get my FIL to do any decorating in here. He can't even see properly!
1 person likes this
bounce58
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
22 Jan 12
I don't have carpet in the bathroom, but I could attest to how disgusting it would be as I have two young boys and I still haven't figured out how they often miss the mark! Goodluck with your application near Blackpool! I hope you find something that would bring you far away from your in-laws!
Janey1966
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
22 Jan 12
I've had to put up with that carpet for years. I do have one of those toilet cowies that go round the bottom (and I hate those as well) but I knew, right from the start that "temporary" is NOT temporary when it comes to anything in this house installed by the in-laws. I notice they don't have carpet in THEIR bathroom and their pipes from the shower aren't exposed like OURS are!