Facebook and getting to know women
By mor
@stringer321 (5682)
Kiryat Ata, Israel
February 11, 2012 7:29am CST
There is a nice lady I like and she knows me from the zumba lessons.
I always tell her "hi" , "what's up ?" and we exchange some words.
one month ago , she accepted my friend request on facebook but she never respond to any of my messages.
I thought she would respond because of accepting my friend request and talking with me in the real life.
Isn't there supposed to be a correlation between the friendship in real life and facebook ? So , my last message to her was like "have a nice saturday , save some energy for the zumba at sonday , (btw , you can also respond ...from the same reason we talk at the zumba and you accepted my friend request on facebook)".
After some hours , she deleted me from her friends list on facebook.
I admit , I like her but I didn't know how to communicate with her in a way she actually finds me interesting to respond to.
It also happens with some other girls that don't respond to my messages on facebook and it really bothers me , making me think where did I make a mistake.
Correct me if i'm wrong but I think I can start dating with a girl after we find some interesting conversations and build a comfortable friendship and then try to take it to the next stage of dating ... Isn't it ? What can I do differently ?
4 people like this
7 responses
@dpk262006 (58679)
• Delhi, India
12 Feb 12
Hi!
I think you already have got answers to your doubts why she deleted you.
The point is you probably took her for granted that she would respond to your messages.
She might be too busy or involved in something else that she had no or little time to respond to your messages.
Hope this experience will give you a lesson for future.
Keep your hopes alive. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58679)
• Delhi, India
13 Feb 12
She might have other important tasks in hand rather than attending to your messages on FB (so take it easy).
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5682)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
12 Feb 12
Thank you for your respond. That is also probabely true , she has an M.A degree and she works as an economist.
And she is only 28 years old (in our country , girls serve 2 years at the army as a duty. guys at least 3 years as a duty ).
I guess being bussy is a very big part of her life and I don't like being bussy. I try to find ways to help others and be productive but not being bussy like a slave.
(that is also why I am here).
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
29 May 12
Well, what most people tend to forget, is even though a lot of times you will have friends on Facebook that might be friends in real life, it is different usually. I think personally it is the relationship process that you have in real life that is often more important, and if you are constantly bugging someone in Facebook who is just there as a friend, or acquaintance you seem to pushy so it is best to delete you.
First off best thing for you from here, which I am sure you have already figured out is just be a friend to her at your Zumba lessons, and go from there. If anything more comes from it, good but if not then let it go. Just enjoy life and don't let the small things matter.
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
11 Feb 12
You actually seem to be assuming a lot here. Just because you were both nice at the zumba classes, with 'hi' or hello's doesn't mean she wanted to 'get to know' you. I don't mean that in a mean way, I'm just saying, you really don't know her just from that. As for accepting your request on facebook, I do that, and then rarely respond to any posts by that person. You don't really say what kind of message you left her on facebook, but maybe she was feeling a little pressured. And basically, she did what I do, if someone is leaving me messages that or on the edge of 'pushing' I will delete them. And another point, she might already be involved or in a relationship with someone. Just because you build a friendship does not mean that the person wants to take it to the next level, maybe they just like being just friends, and although see you as a good friend, aren't interested in dating.
@stringer321 (5682)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
11 Feb 12
Hmmm...now , after I see all the messages I left her , I guess I tried to milk her just to respond me and say like "hi" , "it's nice to see you at the zimba too"
I guess too many compliments can expose my intentions. But , honestly , I try first to be a friend and just start some small talks , I probabely had to make it look more natural.
Sometimes , there is a guy who I don't always glad to talk with and I just answer him to be nice. He can just talk and talk on the mobile phone on actually nothing...
No progress on the subject , no goal to ...just random.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
11 Feb 12
Hi stringer, I got your message and I agree with what palonghorn said.
1.Is she already in a relationship?
2.Just because she accepted your friend request doesn't mean she is interested in you romantically. (which you did say your messages were pushing in that direction if I am not mistaken)
That's my two-cents worth. You can say something to her when you see her next, like apologize for being too pushy and say you just wanted to get to know her better. She may then let you know she is already involved or not interested that way and then you'll know that she can only be a friend and that is all.
Oh, by the way, I did look at your profile, hoping to get a clue about your country so I know what kind of culture you live in. I want to let you know how happy I was to find another friend who lives in Israel. One day I really hope to visit this country.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
11 Feb 12
Here is another thing I didn't consider. Many people make aliyah from various cultures all over the world, so what is not offensive to one woman, might be offensive to another.
I am American, but if a guy were to say something like, "cutie" to me, I would take that as flirting and possibly un-welcomed, not as a compliment. That might be why she didn't respond to you.
@stringer321 (5682)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
11 Feb 12
Well , she is an israeli like me and it is considered as a nice compliment , but , who knows...
I ment to say that she was a really nice person in personality and not like a sexy lady.
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5682)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
11 Feb 12
Thank you for your respond , I guess you will get the two cents back to your earnings lol.
I want to put things more accurate :
I told her it is nice to see her at the zumba lessons , sometimes I put a smily , sometimes I compliment her by saying cuttie ... I even told her neutral things about how fun the zumba party was and that the zumba teacher added a new cool dance.
I was really depressed earlier and now I know what to do better next time.
1 person likes this
@mariab2000 (740)
• Canada
12 Feb 12
Just because someone accepted your facebook frienship request and had a few friendly conversations with you, it doesn't mean that they are interested in you. I accept people's friendship on facebook but that doesn't mean that I have to be interested in them romantically. Maybe that lady is already in a relationship or is just not interested in you in a romantic way. Also, I don't what kind of messages you were leaving her on facebook for her not to respond and to "defriend" you eventually. Maybe she was feeling pressured or intimidated by these messages...
@stringer321 (5682)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
12 Feb 12
Thank you for your respond , mariab.
I understand it was too obvious that I liked her , and she didn't want to develope a conversation of any kind. I admit I try to know ladies by starting a neutral conversation with them , maybe talk about think that we both like...They smell the intention from miles , aren't they ?
@stringer321 (5682)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
11 Feb 12
Thank you , hanibani. But ,I want your honest opinion :
If you were a man and you wanted to get to know a lady that you like , you start to say hi and maybe a little hug ...you ask her facebook friendship and she accepts it... What do you think is the best thing to do if you want to talk with her and not making her run away for her life.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
19 Feb 12
You are correct. With your true match , She Will respond to you on Facebook Or on the phone. this woman isn;t the One. a common interests Should turn into a True Friendship And the Friendship to love if you are lucky. I am not on Facebook, I use email And My Lot. I believe a true friend does respond.
