|  Anyone else out there notice that some of the songs we only hear between Thanksgiving and New Years need to be thrown out with the turkey gizzard? I mean, when a song is supposed to be all warm and cheezy, you are ready to brace yourself for the full munster, but some just leave you wanting to kill something AND NOW!
Since the only thing that should be killed around Chistmas is the goose for dinner, there are some Christmas songs that should just be allowed to go the way of Michael Bolton’s cover version of the Otis Redding Classic “Sittin’ A the Dock of the Bay”… in other words, they should never have happened, and those of us who heard it are forever damaged.
So since you are dying to get to the brunt of the article… Here goes
Santa Baby: Ok, I get it, Eartha Kitt sat down and thought… Hmm, what would be more annoying than the sound of a cat and a bat fighting in a dark alley? Then the words and tune of this song just popped in her head… From then on cats have been ripping out their own eardrums just to enjoy the sound of not hearing it every year.
Blue Christmas: This song (in and of itself) doesn’t bother me so much. I mean it is sappy and sentimental, but those are compliments in the Chirstmas Song world. The reason it maybe this lowly list is the banshees in the background of the Elvis version. You know…
I’ll have a blue
WOoooooooooooooo Woooooooooooooooooo Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Christmas
WOoooooooooooooo Woooooooooooooooooo Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Without you…..
I can’t prove this, but I’m pretty sure that the caterwalling in the background of that song is what led Elvis to the dark world of elicit drugs in the first place. It got so bad that he staged his own death just to get away. That wasn’t good enough though, because once in awhlie he is still seen, on the run, sometime running so fast he appears to be multiple places at the same time.
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: Let’s see, the story here is, a little imp just wants to catch a glimpse of the Jolly Old Elf leaving presents under the tree. Hiding in a shadowy corner the kid watches Santa come out of the chimney, up to the tree, the to what his wondering eyes does appear, not a sleigh, but his own mother dear!
What happens next is the annoying part. Either the kid is too stupid to see that Santa is really his dad, or he just caught his mom cheating on his dad with Santa, and is ok with that! I guess the spectre of living out the rest of his childhood days getting the great passover from Santa was more daunting to him than blowing the whistle on her. That or the camera he asked Santa for was still in Santa’s sack so the extrotion would have to wait til next year.
12 Days of Christmas: Hey folks, Do you know why this song is so hard to sing? It is supposed to be! With no Wii, PS3 or even Monopoly sets or Dungeons and Dragons games to look forward to, 18th Century party hosts had to make due with something they used to call “Parlor Games” (I guess that was at a time a tough guy would admit to his friends that he had a room called a “parlor”). In these alledged games, people would actually sit in chairs arranged in a circle (I know, duh, where would the tv or computer go with the chairs arranged like that?) and play games that required talking and sometimes even singing.
In the 12 Days of Christmas game, the circle sitters would choose someone to start, then it would go around the circle. I guess it was a turn based game, because each would have to sing the number and gifts that came next. Like most games that don’t involve bytes and bits, the fun was seeing how drunk every could get… then laughter would insue as the people screwed up the lines.
Either way though, Hello, A parlor game is NOT a Christmas Carol!
I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day: Since when does celebrating Christmas involve bringing everyone down and trashing our good time? I guess Longfellow was one of those Christians who believe that Jesus wants us to suffer and be sad all our lives, while looking forward to the great time we’ll have when it’s all over.
Sorry Mr. Deeds, or Greg… If there is anytime we’re supposed to enjoy life it’s during Christmas the Civil War was a rough time, but live a little! It may have been hard for you to deck the halls after the Col. Hall’s men decked whole buidlings, but war ditties (moving as they may be) are not Christmas Carols!
The First Noel: The first noel is fine, but 36 noels later it gets older than that fruitcake that my great grandma baked as a gift for my grandma back in the 30’s….. and has been continuously regifted ever since.
It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Much like “Blue Christmas,” it’s not the song itself that makes it far less than the most wonderful song of the year. The problem is, the version by Amy Grant seems to be the only one anyone every plays. Can some angel whisper (or yell, either works for me) in her ear that (unlike “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day”) we don’t believe that this is the most wonderful time of her year. I mean she sings it with the joy nd enthusiasm of “Daddy” when he found out that mommy’s leaving to shack up with Santa Claus.
You got the pipes, open ‘em up and Sing it like you mean it!
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Care to add to my list?
Related Resource: computer chairs
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