My mom and mother in law don't get along

Tweet

My husband and I have been together for five years, married for just under a year. My mom and his mom are like day and night. My mom works full time, is happy her kids are out of the house, doesn't bend over backwards to see her grandkids and says things for shock value. his mom has a ten year old daughter, sees her grandkids every day, takes them all night without being asked, goes to church, doesn't swear, you get the idea. We had been spending holidays as a family for the last couple years, his and mine together, alternating between the two moms house. They make snide little comments at each other, raise eyebrows, and have this little passive aggressive relationship. It's like a competition to see who's better. Well, this last Thanksgiving my mother in law said she was having the holiday, my mom said they weren't coming and my mother in laws feelings were hurt. I don't understand it, when my hubby's grandma died my mom was the first one to call his mom and offer her assistance and took care of the whole get together after the funeral. Here's the problem. My kids don't see my mom alot, and she offered to take them Saturday night. My 11 year old(who is close to my mom) told her that my 4 year old was mad because she wasn't going to her other Grandma's, and so my mother in law said she'd let my 4 year old stay with her all night Friday night. I was upset with my daughter for stoking the fire with that remark. How do I get the two of them to see that they're both different people, with different standards, and when they start these little competitions it just makes it harder on me? I want to tell my mom to back off because honestly I don't know what I'd do without my mother in law, but I don't want to start an argument with her. Sorry for ranting, I'm just getting fed up.