Spanking or no spanking?  

Why should adults cajole children into behaving? If they aren't behaving then they should be disciplined not sweet talked to.

Because I feel that children should be given a fair chance to understand why they are asked to behave in a certain manner. Spanking them is easy, but the more often you use it you sort of alienate yourself from them for some moments. As this evolves, soon you reach a state where they become immune to this. Spanking like any punishment works best when used minimally.

Cheers!
Ram

I always reason with my kids first,But there is always that point where they try to test their boundries. And one day when my son got caught throwing rocks at the house he looked at me and said "I'll give you one of my cars, after I get out of the corner.". . . It was like no big deal to him, I asked him why he thought he should be in trouble, why throwing the rocks was bad. He said "I don't know and I don't care, now move so I can get to the corner." . . .Now he's 5, and I have a harder time with disrespect, than I do with the throwing of the rocks, I sent him straight to his room, until I was able to cool off, then went to have a talk with him, He told me "I don't know why you think you can tell me what to do." Now at this point, taking away privlages, giving him time outs, or talking it out was not an option. I am not going to let me disrespect me now or ever...That was his first real spanking, he had been warned about them before, but I had never needed to use it. My daughter is two and just counting to three gets her attention. But she knows that a spanking is definetly an option, and now so does my son, though I haven't had to do it anymore.

I absolutely beleive that day-care workers should not spank children. I do spank my own children at home. I think that spanking should be done in a very controlled way - not out of anger. I think there is a major difference.

When I spank my children - I tell them I am going to spank them, tell them why, and then I spank them. When I am done, there is a time of restoration. Hugging them, etc.

I think that scenario is completely different than getting angry, yelling, and then when you can't get them to do what you want - spanking them on the fly.

And again, never would I want someone other than me or my husband spanking my children.

Kelly

I totally agree with you Vermont. Spanking should be used as punishment, not just because parents are angry.

i think so.

"Now at this point, taking away privlages, giving him time outs, or talking it out was not an option. I am not going to let me disrespect me now or ever..."

So you think you taught him to respect you by disrespecting him? I don't understand the thought process there. In our house, a child who was throwing rocks would get to go pick up every rock thrown, and then would have been washing down that side of the house, to remove any marks that might have been left by the rocks (whether there actually were any or not). As I've said before, we believe in making the consequences directly relate to the issue, whenever it is at all possible.

To each their own. What works at your house, is great more power to you.

But in my house, we do things diffrently. And he will not talk to me like that. It's parents who worry about disrespecting their children, who have kids who run their house. I'm the boss in my house not my kids.

" he will not talk to me like that. It's parents who worry about disrespecting their children, who have kids who run their house. I'm the boss in my house not my kids."

My children never got away with treating me that way, either....and teaching all members of the family to respect each other did NOT lead to kids who ran the house. My husband and I are in charge here, but we're all human beings and all deserve to be treated as such.

:) Nice way to put it. But seriously if you get a good rapport going with a child you can negotiate a deal with the child say by telling her that she can have the icecream in the morning, but if you ask one more time, you would not even get the ice cream in the morning. As you pointed out most of the kids are smart these days and are good at negotiating things and would agree to such a thing quite happily.

Cheers!
Ram

You shouldn't be negotating with your child. The child is just that a child and you are the parent. You should be quiding them not bargaining with them to behave.

And they dont need no ice creams when they aint got no taste buds.

Ok seriously now, i think spankin is not that bad and is ok but not to the level that it would leave bruises to your child's butt or anyplace you usually spank her. But i also think that children behaves differently so some behaves by spanking them , some behave by just giving them the evil eye look and some behave by just talking to them nicely. So it's all choices on different attitudes of kids. It's actually how you raised them.

I do agree spanking is not that bad, but just like any other punishment, it works better when used minimally. I feel there are other options available at your disposal which you can consider before going to spanking.

And of course, a little bit of icecream is ok any time :)

Cheers!
Ram

My point exactly

I agree with you.

And i noticed that the spoiled ones are the ones who don't behave instantly by just negotiating to them.

I agree with you on the point that it is upto each parent to choose what works best for themselves and their kids. But, the point of this debate is what other alternatives are available to spanking or is spanking absolutely necessary. My take on this is no it is not necessary. As they say it is not necessary but use it if you need it.

Cheers!
Ram

I used the carrot and stick method. Will reason with them first and provide them the carrot and if it does not work than the stick will come out, i.e, if we are out of the house and they do not behave, then will remind them that we have the option to go home right away. But at time, I will smack if they went totally out of control.

I think this works with some kids . . But necassarily all kids, I have a neice, and I love my brother and his wife dearly, but all they do is talk nice, and say "no, no princess"... By the time she was 3 she knew that no matter what she did, her worse punishment would be to stand in the corner (big deal). So she will climb up on the counter tops and throw things down, the whole time mommy and daddy are talking reason with her, and when she is done, she stands in the corner for 3 minutes, gets mad about that, and so gets back up on the counter top and continues to break things. This cycle will go round and round until, My brother gets so mad that he sends her to bed without her dinner, he'll keep taking her back into her room about a dozen times before she gets tired of that game, and stays in her room, screaming. They ignore her until she falls to sleep...This is a normal routine at their house. My brother and I use alot of the same techniques in disapline, only he refuses to ever raise his hand, or even threat the possibility.

I feel that some kids are hard headed, and need differant types of disapline. I run a daycare and never have to yell at the kids I watch, I use the corner, if I have to. But a routine does wonders around here. And I rarely even have to yell, or threaten a spanking with my own kids..But it is an option. A LAST resort, but non the less an option...And my neice NEEDS a spanking. If she has control of that house now at 3, just imagine what she will be like as a teenager, that thought give me chills.

"I have a neice, and I love my brother and his wife dearly, but all they do is talk nice, and say "no, no princess"...

That's not discipline, that's being permissive, IMO. Also, you mention standing in the corner....never used that one, or any other form of time out, as a teaching tool. For us, time outs are for all ages, including adults, and they are a cooling down period, not a consequence for misbehavior. Sending a child to bed without dinner is, IMO, depriving them of a basic need, and therefore neglect, if not abuse. The part about constantly taking her back to her room...that's how most experts who recommend those types of punishments will tell you it should be done.

"But it is an option. A LAST resort, but non the less an option..."

Let me ask you the question I always ask spankers, then...so far, no one has been able to answer it. :) If spanking is a LAST resort, what happens if it doesn't work? Do you just throw up your hands and say "That's it...that was my last resort, there's nothing else I can try." Or do you try some other form of teaching tool? And if you DO try something else, then it wasn't your last resort, so why did you use it?

See, I've been parenting for over 21 yrs now, and I have YET to run out of ways to teach my children the lessons they need to learn, and I have never had to resort to hitting them to do it.

"And my neice NEEDS a spanking. If she has control of that house now at 3, just imagine what she will be like as a teenager, that thought give me chills."

NO child ever NEEDS a spanking, it's just a tool that some parents CHOOSE to use. What your niece NEEDS is consistent discipline and firm boundaries. What her parents need are some parenting classes.

NOPE SHE NEEDS A SPANKING!,

Answer to your question what do you do when the spanking doesn't work, I've never had that problem.

A little pressure applied to the seat of understanding never killed anyone. Now if you spank your child ya better hope that someone does not call the cops cause your gone for a ride.
I am only 36 and I can remember my grandfather used to use the switchin stick on my but and I will tell you this whatever I did to get it I did not do it again.

I respect that, when he was younger, he would get spanked, now a days he's almost 12 and he appreciates all his little perks like his games systems and such. I could take them all away and he straightens up. I haven't had to spank him in a long long time...I can easily discipline with the things he love and enjoy...