Husband working overseas..How does distance affect relationship w/ children...
By guia10
@guia10 (139)
Philippines
April 12, 2007 9:07pm CST
For almost 5 yrs now my husband has been working overseas. He goes home once or twice a year.Although it's hard,we only think of it as a good way to provide for our 3 kids.We love them so much and we would like them to have if not the best then the better things in life.But as our kids grow older,I notice their behavior towards their dad changes.When they were younger they would always ask when he's going home,they're very excited.Now,I think they see it as a routine.he leaves for work for a few months then goes home for 2-3mons then leaves again.I know it doesn't seem healthy but I try to give my husband a chance to be close to the kids whenever he's here.What could be a more effective way of doing that?Of course,I don't want my husband growing old and one day realizing he's not close to his children.I'd appreciate suggestions and stories related to my situation.
2 people like this
4 responses
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I am so sorry for your husband. He is missing out on his children's best years. They will grow up and he will never get the years back. The kids are missing their male role model. I wish things could be different for you. Does he have to continue to work overseas? Is there any way he could get work closer to home? Sometimes money is less important than being together.
If not, then make sure there is a lot of communication. At least with computers there is more opportunity in this area. Use email, instant messageing, video cams. Keep in touch daily, if at all possible. Can you get a cell phone connection where he is? Exchange lots of pictures, tapes, photos, etc. When you and your kids sit down to eat ask them what kind of communication they have had with their Dad that day. Whenever something happens in their lives, make sure he knows about it, preferable from them. Good luck and God bless with this effort.
1 person likes this
@Lauraleigh99 (4718)
• United States
13 Apr 07
Sounds like when he comes home on one of his leaves he needs to take an alone with the kids weekend somewhere. That way they have their special alone time with dad. That has to be hard dealing with him gone My hubby and I have no kids but he was deployed overseas for 15 months straight and I was going nuts!
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
I would never be able to do this - i couldn't imagine my hubby being away from myself or my daughter for long amounts of time like that - not matter the financial benefits.
I think the relationship between a parent & their child(ren) is far more important than money.
If this was my situation, i'd rather be closer to where he was working so he could be home more or he'd get a different career closer to home. It's not fair on anyone, especially not the kids with a father that's really not home to be a father to them.
The only thing that could fix it is a LOT of alone time - just dad & the kids but if your kids see his going away as a routine then they might not want to get too close coz they're only going to be upset when he goes away again.
Maybe you & your hubby need to sit down, have a good chat & see if there's no another place he could work at closer to home or have you & the family go with him when he goes to wherever he works.
Unfortunately, what you fear sounds like how it's going to happen. Your hubby will wake up one day when he's older & realised he was too busy working to spend quality time with his kids & he'll kick himself for it. Kids MUST come first, before work or anything else & he needs to know how his constant going away affects the kids.
I wish you luck with this situation & i hope something can be done fix the relationship between your husband & your kids.
@nieatongjok (1)
• United States
9 Dec 09
my husband is going to be leaving for work oversea and i'm leaving with his fam.I am kind of scared because they'll be very judgemental of me when he's gone.I know that they can do or say anything just to ruine our lives.they are these kind of people.
@smartmom (826)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I have been in situation, as my husband lived in Florida, and I lived in Europe with the kids for two years.
I also saw an effect on my son, as he grew older he would be more disinclined to talk about his father, and he began to not want to talk to him on the phone either. My oldest son also began to have this need for male attention, which I think is completely logical, as I could not fulfil this role.
I think the worst part about a long distance relationship with children involved is that the parent and the children lose the connection.
Two months ago, my sons and I moved to Florida to stay with my husband, and as he works a lot, the only thing that has changes, is that he comes home from work every night.
I will never seperate my children from their father again, as I see how happy my oldest son has become. It was as if he had these feelings of longing and missing inside, that he just could not communicate. A couple of weeks before we moved here, my son told me "Mommy I miss daddy so much that it hurts my stomache". At this point I knew that it was the right decision to move to Florida.
How does the future look for your family? Is your husband coming home for good anytime soon, or will you and the children be able to move to where he is?
You also have to think og the wellbeing of your own relationship with your husband. Living alone with the children, and dealing with everything by yourself gives you a sense of independence, and it might very well change a lot about, who you are, if it has not done so already. Do you still feel the connection to your husband. I know that I kind of had to reconnect with my husband after we moved here, and it was really about joining two seperate lives again.
Good luck, I really hope that it will work out for you and your family.
