What to do now??? Let her cry on my shoulder or tell her you I told you so?
By Erilyn
@Erilyn (3020)
United States
June 20, 2007 7:57am CST
I started a discussion a little while back about someone I knew who after knowing a guy for a week moved in with him and his kids. She had his kids calling her mommy and said that hey were her kids all the time. Now they have split up. This was my biggest concern through the whole thing becasue kids get attached so easily.
Now that they have split up she wants to come cry on my shoulder. I have told her since the begining of this relationship that she needed to be careful and not get the kids hopes up. I have told her that she was moving too fast. We had a falling out becasue I told her of one day. Told her that they were not her kids and she needed to stop what she was doing and think of their welfare.
So now I am at a loss. Part of me just still wants nothing to do with her. Another part of me says to forgive her. I jst don't know what to do anymore. What would you do if you were in my shoes?
3 people like this
15 responses
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Both of the Adults in this situation need to be beat.. even if it is with a wet noodle... Good grief what in the world were they thinking. You are so right it is the children that needs to be considered. I would probably be as you Erilyn and be pretty upset with my friend. Forgive her yes, but these children are on a merry go round of emotional upset with out the added girlfriends in and out of their life. One thing I hope through this, is that your friend has learned a lesson. I am not always so forgiving when the defenseless and innocent child is involved.But she does need your support. I would however keep it clear your stand. Good luck with this,.,, its a hard call.
2 people like this
@Angelwhispers (8978)
• United States
20 Jun 07
He is a perv in lambs clothing :))
2 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Thank you Angel, and it has been a hard decision thus far. That's why I am glad I have you guys here on myLot to ask what you think lol. She is just not the most honest person in the world, she hops from person to person, its just not easy for me. Esp when I just want to slap her upside her head, and ask her what she was thinking.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
20 Jun 07
It's hard to get into something and then after a time, be kicked out due to the relationship and all; I have seen stuff like that happen a lot. I had a friend. She moved in with this particular man in his home. She wasn't happy, but ok. then he got with this other woman while she was in the house, and she had to move out of the man's house and all. I believe the man married the other woman. well, they were engaged but to me, if your a woman or man for that matter, I strongly suggest that you HAVE YOUR OWN!! It's not easy being out there earning a living and keeping a roof over your head, but I rather have mine than not. I just cannot be out there without my own. sorry.
2 people like this
@Savvynlady (3684)
• United States
20 Jun 07
For now for your friend, just be supportive of her. I told you so's will not get ya'll nowhere at this time. Sorry, forgot to tell you about that and I apologize.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I can understand that, but I am a bit confused as to how that fits in to this. I am a bit confused. I just really need help here on deciding what to do about this girl. How I should react to her wanting to cry on my shoulder. After I told her not to get the kids hopes up in them calling her mommy tc.
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Well, let's see...you warned her ahead of time. She did it anyways. Every one got hurt. You and her had a falling out. You don't specify if you and her are currently talking to each other or not. If you are, then be there for your friend. If you are not talking with her, then it might be best to keep your distance since it sounds like this situation is tearing you apart. If I was in your shoes, I would keep my distance.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
20 Jun 07
We didn't talk for a long time, now all of a sudden she wants me to comfort her. She stopped talking to me when I went off on her for making those kids call her mom. One day she was saying me and my kids are doing (something) and I said you don't have any kids. She replies with I do now my step kids. I told her since you are not married you have no right calling them your step children. We haven't spoken since till now when she wanted to cry on my shoulder. I haven't said anything back to her becasue I don't know what to say. I am so angry at the whole situation.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
I don't think you should end your friendship just because she didn't follow your advice. Sure you turned out to be correct and she was wrong. But she's entitled to make that decision. She just had to learn the hard way. I'm sure she'll listen to you more from now on.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Like I said before it didn't so much bother me that she didn't listen to me and screwed up her life. It's that I am angry about what she put those kids through. It's one thing to screw up your own life, It is another entirely to hrut innocent kids that didn't do anything worng. Thats what bothers me the most.
@uiwwitch (892)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I think that as a friend, you should let her cry on your shoulders because your support is what she needs most right now. I'm pretty sure she's already telling herself "she told you so" and it probably took a lot for her to go to you and admit that she was wrong.
2 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I cna understand that to a point. She doesn't think of other people though for the most part. She is always thinking of herself. I don't really think it was hard for her at all to come to me about it. The first thing she said when she came to me about it was He will come crwaling back to me. He can't live without me. Thats part of the reason I am having such a hard time with it I think.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Its a hard decision thats for sure. I wish it was easier. sometimes its hard to forgive and forget you know? esp knowing how she is anyway. When she hooked up with him she was also seeing another guy at the time. She finds these guys on adult friend finder and each times says she has found the love of her life.
1 person likes this
@uiwwitch (892)
• United States
20 Jun 07
well I guess you should do what your heart tells you to. If you feel that she deserves you shoulder to cry on, then give it to her. Based on your description of her, it might not even be worth it to offer a shoulder or to say I told you so. Until she realizes or accepts that she was wrong.
2 people like this
@1mindonly (30)
• United States
20 Jun 07
tough love means don't candy coat it tell her what is on your mind if she is your friend the she will listen. tell her don't beat around the bush tell her to get on with life
@1mindonly (30)
• United States
21 Jun 07
don't say anything and just let it be it is mostly the fathers fault here for telling the kids to call her mom he now has to deal with the kids what a shame i hope the dad learns a lesson but kids will be fine when there are kids involved they should be asked if they want to call them mom or dad. your friend will get over it
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Personally she may have been moving too fast, and sometimes in that situation we have to move back and just let them do their own thing. But then at the same time when something like this happens even though you want to just tell them "I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN.", maybe you need to think, what if this was me, and be there for them, be Supportive, and help them learn to move on past this. I know it is not easy, but if it was you, you would want them to be there for you? Right?
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I had been telling her form the beggingthat she was moving too fast. I told her that it wasn't good for the kids involved. When she was saying 3 weeks in that there was a problem in the relationship I told her she needed to step back and reevaluate what she was doing. I told her that above all else she needed to think about those kids. To top it all off everytime she would talk to me after that she was always concerned about what was going on with my fiance and how he was doing etc. SO I can understand your point i am just having a hard time with it all. I think that's why it has been so hard for me to decide what to do.
@sassybratky (872)
• United States
21 Jun 07
whew i have been there done that and i think the ones who really suffer are the kids ..i seriously think they should be a parenting law that makes you know someone at least a yr before you can bring them around young children as a partner ya know?
let her have her cry for a day or so then say look we went over this before i told ya that you all was moving to fast and that aint good when kids are involved ..men with kids who move fast are usually looking for a sub mom i think more then a partner relationship (thats where i have been and done before) dated a guy who had kids and i spent more time babysitting his kids then with him didnt end good for me or the kids ....
1 person likes this
@mikeyr6000le (2123)
• United States
20 Jun 07
If you are her friend you will let her cry for now. She knows it was wrong and it wasn't a good idea. Later you can tell her I told ya so. For now be a friend.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I am trying to. It's just really hard knowing that it will happen again and again. She puts herself above all others. As long as she is happy it doesn't matter what happens to everyone else around her. I just want to slap her sooo bad. I think i need to get over my anger before I can do anything else.
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
21 Jun 07
She needs someone now and she knows that you were right so throwing in her face that you were right will not change anything , she knows this now and feels miserable . She needs you to support her and be there to listen to her , at some point she will bring up that you were right and she was wrong but it won't change the hurt or betrayal she feels inside as this is something she was obviously hoping so much to be true . She wanted to believe this guy and even though she probably knew you were right all along , couldn't face that you were .
I would say that as a friend you should be there for her as she needs you now and she needs to be able to talk to someone who understands her and someone to tell her there is someone out there for her .
Best of luck in whatever you decide to do !!
1 person likes this
@bundybabe8669 (27)
• Australia
21 Jun 07
u just gotta comfort her n keep ya mouth shut
1 person likes this
@tdbrower1969 (1242)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I am sorry that this happened to your friend, and am sorry that the children are being hurt with this,too. That seems like a point they should have thought about before the moving in thing, children tend to get attached quickly. Yes, I am sure your friend is hurting and calling herself names over this fiasco, and I know that you gave her advice not to do it. But, right now she does need a friend and that is what you are. There will be time later to discuss the pros and cons of the situation and to tell her how upset you are with her. I think right now I would just be there for her.
