I noticed something interesting from my last two discussion...
By miamilady
@miamilady (4910)
United States
June 20, 2007 9:07am CST
I started two discussions, as some of you know.
One was on character flaws and one was on positive character traits. I have more responses to the one on character flaws. The one on positive traits has a decent number of replies, but on quite a few of them, the people responding cut themselves off and are almost apologetic for talking about their good traits.
What's up with that?
Do you think people prefer to focus on their character flaws rather than their positive traits? Why do you think that is?
Or am I interpreting this wrong?
10 people like this
21 responses
@lovelyladydancing (1016)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I do think people focus on their flaws more. I also think that people who do talk about their positive traits are considered to be bragging. I for one have a very hard time focusing on my positive traits. Maybe that is why it is hard for me on a job interview? :)
3 people like this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Job interviews is what comes to my mind on this topic. It seems to be one of the few times that it is acceptable to talk about our positive traits. But, as you said, if we aren't used to it, it's hard to do. I guess another situation would be applying for colleges. My daughter will be doing that in the next few years.
Thanks for you response.
2 people like this
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
20 Jun 07
It must be easier to find flaws than look for good traits. We seem to see things that bother us about others more than the good. Flaws are easy to find. Explaining the good traits might take a while to describe, especially when we are talking about ourselves. When describing ourselves maybe we think we will look more sympathic if we show more of our less perfect side than "brag" about the good parts.
3 people like this
@Netsbridge (3253)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I think your finding has to do with the fact that mylot and its financial supporters do not appreciate people with personal opinions or people who can tell the truth about almost anything. Therefore to be on the safe side, most mylot users would rather shy away from discussions that will result in the revelation of intelligence or truth.
3 people like this
@Willowlady (10657)
• United States
20 Jun 07
The way our society has become by showcasing all the nasty, negative things that we are capable of and often do is what lends itself to our lack of confidence in how good we can be. There is good in all of us and only need to nurture it. Parents don't seem to teach this skill. I did not respond to either of those. Am to this one since it is a study in human nature. We need to be happy and content in our good qualities and be grateful for being allowed to share them.
3 people like this
@sigma77 (5383)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I think that is common for people to focus on the negative or what they fear or don't want. I haven't answered the positive question yet, but I will. I believe many people do not want to talk about themselves because they don't want to seem overly egotistical. I feel if you are good at something or have some qualities that stand out, by all means do not hold back. I think it is far better to see your good points than to dwell on the shortcomings.
2 people like this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
20 Jun 07
It just seems. At least in my life. That people are more likely to point out the negative rather than the positive. Not just in themselves but in those around them. I don't think that's a good thing.
Yes, there's always room for improvement, but I think we also need to appreciate the positive.
2 people like this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
20 Jun 07
You know it could also be that people have low self esteem. They don't think they have any good traits and that everything about them is a flaw. I had this problem many many years ago. I was always downing myself and only seeing my flaws and not the good things about me. It took a lot of good friends to make me see that I did have good things about me. Now that I look back on my life when that was going on I realize that I had very low self esteem.
2 people like this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I suffered from VERY low self esteem as a child. I have improved on that a lot as I've gotten older. I think it does flare up occassionaly though. I guess what helps me most is that I try to see the positive in others and not judge them and I think I deserve the same treatment.
2 people like this
@estherlou (5015)
• United States
24 Jun 07
It's always easier for us to pick on ourselves...to see our weaknesses instead of trying to pick out our good traits and to brag on ourselves. No one wants to be vain.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I answered both said discussions. I think people are more apt to be hush hush abouth their good qualities not wishing to see like they have a huge ego or something. Talking about our bad side on a site like this where we are "hidden" in a sense makes it that much easier.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@dfollin (27267)
• United States
21 Jun 07
Yes,I think people do focus on people's negative's than theydo the positive's.Maybe people only responded to the negative one because maybe they know more people with negative than positive.Good for you,great obsevation and research experiment.
2 people like this
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
20 Jun 07
Me personally, I don't like to brag about myself. It feels very uncomfortable for to me. Reckon they way I was brought up, "You don't brag about yourself to everyone, you let everyone brag about you". Isn't that strange, I guess I have come to a point in my life, I can't even think of good traits about myself. That can't be healthy can it? Ok I am going to the other discussion and see what I can come up with.
Very interesting observation and one I never noticed about myself. Thanks for posting this!
2 people like this
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
21 Jun 07
Well I guess it’s because most people are bought up to be modest and good-mannered, and it’s assumed to be rather arrogant and boastful to talk about your good traits. When I was a child, I was always told it was wrong to “blow your own trumpet”, and most people are obviously the same. There's something quite unattractive about people who tell the world how wonderful they are!
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
21 Jun 07
You're right. I agree. I try to teach my children modesty and I try to practice it myself. But, I still things it's important to have some self knowledge about our good traits. And good self esteem, as long as it does not turn into vanity, is important as well. Thanks you for your repsonse.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
20 Jun 07
Sometimes its uncomfortable to blow your own horn and tell others your positive traits, however in an interview situation I have no trouble telling others how good I think I am LOL
Maybe lack of self esteem? I don't know, I suppose it is easier to focus on the negative and finding ways to try and improve on them.
2 people like this
@stormygrl (761)
• United States
21 Jun 07
People tend to be harder on themselves and do not see the good qualities they have and tend to focus on their flaws. Everyone it seems wishes they had what that person has whether its looks or personality.
1 person likes this
@sumofalltears (3988)
• United States
24 Jun 07
Good observation, I am one that didn't answer the positive one. I find it hard trying to see the positive parts of myself, but I am always able to identify the flaws. I always feel like I may be demonstrating conceit if I articulate positive characteristics. I am just strange that way, never fwlt I should go around tooting my own horn so to say.
2 people like this
@Kowgirl (3489)
• United States
21 Jun 07
Yes it is a given that you will be called arrogant and egotistical
if you talk about your good traites, but everyone listens when you
talk about the bad. It isn't because they have low self esteeme it's
that we were raised to not brag about ourselves so we sit back and let
(or hope) others will see our good traites and do it for us.
No one likes a person who brags about themselves...and we all want to
be liked.
1 person likes this
@samtaylorskykierajen (7976)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
I believe the reason for this is because it is often harder to pick something we do good in life then it is to pick out what we do wrong . Self esteem is a big problem with being able to pick out something we do good and more often then not individuals do this to each other every day by picking out character flaws in others rather then picking out the good they see in them and we tend to do this to ourselves without even realizing what we are doing .
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I think I have only responded to the character fklaw one so far. I think alot of people have a low self esteem but some of them have some good characteristics also and they are proud to say it but they also worry about if it will offend someone else. I think alot of us only think of our flaws mostly. You may not be interpreting it wrong at all.
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I think you are very perceptive. People who blow their own horn too much are sometimes viewed by others as arrogant. It is easy to see the good in others but not so easy to see it in ourselves.
@RicotheWolf (156)
• United States
21 Jun 07
I'm not surprised that this happens. most people tend to focus more on their negativities than focusing upon their good points. I don't understand why this is though.
1 person likes this
@gradyslady (4054)
• United States
18 Sep 07
Yeah, due to the media and things like that, we all look for our flaws and tend to put ourselves down very harshly. I do it a lot, even if it's a simple mistake, I'll still put myself down so harshly and other people are like whoa, calm down.
