OMG!!! My Daughter has lost her mind!
By sunshinecup
@sunshinecup (7871)
August 31, 2007 9:21am CST
I was picking up the living room yesterday after my girls came home and tossing everything in their hands & back packs every where, and I came across some folded paper. I opened it and it was a note, so I read it. This unknown handwriting said, “I love your peanuts”. Then clearly in my daughter’s handwriting it said, “I’m gonna tell. Just kidding, I am a sweet girl and won’t.” Now I am thinking please don’t be what I think it is that this other person is referring to. So I call my 10-year-old in and showed her the note. Her face turn blood red, and I knew it must have been, but I wanted her to confirm it more. So I asked, what are peanuts? She pointed right at her breast!!!!! Ok at this point is when my heartbeat was drowning everthing out. I asked, “So who is this boy”, not knowing just guessing and sure enough she replied a boy in her class. Apparently she stretched yesterday and that caused him to write her that note and she thought it was cute and funny.
Now people, I have raised both of my girls to be respected by treating other’s with respect and not acknowledging those that disrespect them. So now here I am with my child not only accepting it, but laughing about it? I know I sound like I am going over board, but I see it as stopping a bad trait in it’s tracks. Giggling at it only encourages it. If this boy sees he can get away with speaking to her like that, then he will do it again and worse. Not to mention his friends chimming in when they realize it as well.
These kids are only 5th graders, that alone is blowing my mind. I don’t remember stuff starting till middle school. Now here is my question, how would you handle it? I talked to her last night for hours about not letting any one speak to her like that and to pay no attention to them and if it didn’t stop to speak to her teacher. Should I do more or step back and allow her to handle it, even if she doesn’t stop it?
Man, this Mom stuff is the hardest dang job I have ever had.
12 people like this
15 responses
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I don't want to scare you but, hun, 5th grade IS middle school. I totally agree with you that she should put her foot down and let this young man know right away that he is to not speak to her or write notes to her in this fashion. It is disrespectful. As for the giggling, that is pretty normal at this age level. It could be displaced emotions which is a defense we ue when we are in an uncomfortable situation. Just keep talking to her and guiding her.
3 people like this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
1 Sep 07
..yes, I agree.. I think giggles to a little girl is like a screen.. She probably didn't like the boys note, and her mom can help her to locate that dislike, and then strength!
- You know my grand daughter's been a little nervous about starting third grade.. and I haven't really thought about it enough.. She said they're going from tables to having desks.
2 people like this
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
1 Sep 07
I live in Michigan. Here in our community...middle school is from 4th grade through 8th grade. Elementary is Kindergarten through third grade and High School is 9th through 12th. I have done a lot of genealogy (which is the study of families) as well as extended study of history and its effects on the people who lived in those times. What I have discovered is: you are right. Puberty on a global scale is occurring with an earlier onset than in previous generations. It used to be that the menstrual cycle was not expected to start until the approximate age of 14 or 15. In our current generation, it is not uncommon for young ladies to start this process at the age of 9 or 10. I have two nieces that both started at the age of 9. My sister-in-law was freaking out. My own three daughters started (earlier than me) around the ages of 11 and 12. Some of the causes for the changes are food, environment and evolution. So what can we as mothers learn from this?? We learn to talk to our daughters early and we learn to prepare them for the future so they in turn can teach the next generation.
2 people like this
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Awww, tables to desks. Another subtle sign that she is growing up. One of my granddaughters is making that transition also. She is looking forward to it.
1 person likes this
@maildumpster (3815)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I giggled as I read this. At least he called them peanuts and wasn't vulgar about it LOL
I think the reason she is giggling about it is that she probably has a crush on him. You probably made more of it than needed. (not criticizing just stating) Unless she suddenly starts dressing to show off her peanuts; I wouldn't worry too much.
Try not to worry too much I am sure in the end your teaching will override her 10 year old mentality. I have 16 and 13 year old girls. While I may not agree with all they have done while they are with friends (lets face it we all make mistakes and as long as they learn from it that is what counts) BUT I know that both remain virgins. ..... Years of telling them not to end up on the Maury show finding their baby's daddy.
3 people like this
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
31 Aug 07
You are fine with me, I didn't take it as criticizing. I am glad to hear everyone's feed back, those that see it the same way and those that do not. At the end of the day it all helps, honestly.
I did ask if she had a crush on him, she said no. Normally she can't wait to tell who has her eye, right now it's on a little boy who beats his head on the desk *pause for prayer her test improves with time*. So anyways, LOL, I think it's this new attention from the boys. She has been known as the "smart" one in her school for years, now she is coming in to being the "hot one". Oh God three more gray hairs just popped up on my head. *sigh*
3 people like this
@maildumpster (3815)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Yeah it does get pretty scary doesn't it? And just bear in mind that she may not tell you she has a crush on him if you just spoke to her about the note.
Here are my kids:
1 person likes this
@carissa765 (1097)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Tell me about it, I am the mom of two boys, and I have always said that boys are easier.... Now I know that boys are easier. It is so much easier to tell them ot to talk like that, than it is to tell them not to take talk like that...
Another thing I have always said parenting is not meant to be easy, if it was they would come with manuals from the hospital.LOL
I think they should. Thank you for this topic and confirming my suspisions about who was easier... LOL
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
1 Sep 07
*Giggles* you could have asked me. Just the fact girls go through puberty in the way they do, makes it more complicated than boys. My oldest started sprouting physically and emotionally in the 3rd grade.
@carissa765 (1097)
• United States
31 Aug 07
By the way, I think this is where school uniforms come in handy, No revealing things, out of style things. Just in general less stuff to be commented on or made fun of for.
2 people like this
@awonderfullife (2893)
• United States
31 Aug 07
This scares the beejeezus outta me!I don't think you're overeacting at all. Your baby is only 10! To think that a boy is already saying things like that is mind boggling to me! I think talking to her was a good idea. Hopefully she will follow your advice and not go along with it if it happens again.
Yes, being a mom is definitely hard. Especially a mom of daughters!
3 people like this
@tzvetelina (467)
• Bulgaria
1 Sep 07
Here's what.I used to be chased by boys at kindergarden because they liked me and were telling me every day that I was a chick.I know it sounds funny, but that's how it was.When we're still children we want to get noticed and I think that boy wanted that attention from your daugther. I know it doesn't sound nice to express yourself like that,but I guess an older boy could have told the younger one what to write in that note to observe interest and the kiddo didn't know what it meant exactly.Don't go after this.
Now the problem with your girl about teaching others of respect.When I was fifteen a twenty-years-old boy tried to pull my skirt and I teached him a lesson.I punched him in his chin and blood came out.Although it was supposed to be a prank,I never let anyone to do whatever they wish with me and this is the lowest price they'll pay.There were a lot of people watching and from then on they didn't dare to to touch me.Selfrespect comes from yourself,but also it could be learnt from the parents.I'm not saying you should send your girl to a karate school,but at least to learn how to respond to unethical behaviuor.
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
1 Sep 07
LOL, her father did tell her next time to not say anything, to punch him in the nose and he gave her a lesson on how to. While I don't think that is the correct approach I do so agree in enforcing the "law" she is not a toy and don't try to play with her.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
1 Sep 07
"I'm not saying you should send your girl to a karate school"
I don't advocate violence either, BUT there is nothing wrong with a girl who can take care of herself. Pesonally, I think self defense would be a good thing for all young ladies to take. Just in case.
@saivenkaat802003 (4823)
• India
31 Aug 07
First, i am proud to see that your daughter is having a caring parent like you.
This problem/incident you have narrated here is happening even in schools in our country, But the thing is children oflate has been like this even at age of 10 or 12.
What you have done is correct and try to keep a watch on your girl's activities, and still you find that she is been provoked, just inform the school heads, as they will tackle this situation more effectively, than us, when we go and warn the boy, of his behaviour. 'Coz it only antagonises the ill tempered feelings in him.
Good luck friend.
2 people like this
@jennawinseverytime (377)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Sounds like the boy that wrote it is a future pedaphile. Did you talk to her teacher about this? Maybe you should remove her from that class if the situation worries you for mothers have good insticts. Being in a different class will mean they wont have to share PE together. You dont want your daughter allowing men to walk all over her, and now is a good start to take action. Tell her that when she grows up boys will have broken her heart so much that she will start getting angry when someone approaches her like that, for they are only using her for temporary satisfaction like so many of our ex boyfriends.
@TheCatzMeow1 (579)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Being mom is a very hard job indeed! This isn't the way I would want to handle it (LOL), but according to professionals and books...you should just let your daughter handle it for now. You had a good long talk with her so you did your job. Now you need to trust in her to do the right thing. I'd just keep my ears and eyes open in case intervention is needed. She must not of thought too much of it at first since she didn't ditch the note. Good luck with this! Hang in there, I know it's hard.
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
2 Sep 07
Good point about her not ditching the note or thinking too much of it.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Hi sunshinecup! I dont think youve gone overboard at all. I mean these are kids only in 5th grade. And we know how boys can be. Right? I have no clue on what to do thou.LOL Maybe you can talk to them and try to explaine its not right to talk that way.Good luck to you.LOL
1 person likes this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
28 Sep 07
Seems to me that u have your hands full at the moment. I would probably try to talk with her and have her understand that this is not ok behaviour from that boy and tell her that if it ever happens again - to come to you, and if she does, I would have a chat with this boys parents as well. It is important to teach them young that this is not ok, they are waaaaay to young to even be thinking like this!
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I would tell her that what the young boy was doing, was not respectful at all, he was actually being very disrespectful!
It may seem all cute and funny right now, but 5 years from now?
Tell her to handel it in a mature manner and if someone else makes a remark again about her "peanuts" that she herself, shouldn't laugh it off. She should tell the person to plesae stop making remarks like that. And just see what happens.
I would also keep an eye out for more notes...
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@kimthedane (945)
• Denmark
5 Sep 07
Beleave me hunni, being a single dad is truly massively over rated crap too, lol.
I am not sure i would like it if it was my daughter when she was that age. Today she is nearly 18 and can do mostly as she wants, she can look after herself. I think maybe you are over reacting a little, tho i sure see where you are comming from. Your girl is transforming wether you like it or not, and in this day and age, fck knows what is ok for kids today? if you ask them, im sure you would not like the answer.
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I would have lost it too Sunshine. It's (hypothetically -_-) my daughter and I'm gonna watch out for her. I'd give it a chance to stop, but if it gets worse or if she's uncomfortable then I'm stepping in. I'd definitely take it to the teacher and if you find just a walking waste of oxygen, go to the principal or the board.
1 person likes this
@HomeCooked (94)
• United States
3 Sep 07
My heart skipped a beat just reading this!
My daughter is only foru, but, Ihave already been formulationg converstions in my head.
One thing I will tell my daughter is to stand back and watch the girls who allow themselves to be treated this way, are they really having more fun? This is not the kind of attention you want, and that when you observe you see these girls are getting more negative attention than anything else.
I saw a demonstration with a candy bar once, the mom unwrapped a snickers bar, and held it wile she had this converstion about respect for your body and chastity, then told all the children in the group to hold it, but not eat it, at the end the bar looked like a real mess, she asked the kids if anyone wanted a bite, none did it looked so bad, the mom then pointed out that if you let boys treat you this way, when the time comes you will be like the bar all used up.
Im sure it could be rewored better but that has stuck with me a something I might do when the time comes.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Yeah, being a mom is tough. I have a daugther who will be 15 this month. It has been SO hard.
Stuff does start in elementary school, unfortunately.
Luckily with me, things didn't begin to get truly complicated til she hit the 7th grade. That was bad enough.
I think that you talking to her and telling her what you think of the situation and telling her how she should react is probably sufficient for now.
Unfortunatly, your daughters reaction is how I have reacted to some things as well, and you're right.
It sends the wrong message. It allows the boys to think it's okay.
My thinking was, don't make a big deal of things and it will blow over. Things didn't usually work out that way.
I'm sure your doing a great job with your daughter. Just keep the lines of communication open with her and I'm sure you will both do fine.
I think as mothers and daughters, we will inevitably run into situations that are difficult, but if we're open and honest and loving, things will turn out okay.
I could probably write 5 more paragraphs on this topic, but I'm afraid it would be too legnthy.
Take care and good luck. :-)
