I may be old but I still have a mind thank you

Oh my gosh, you could be talking about my husband's grandma! She is in a good place with a nice staff; but they are treated like children too. In turn they act like children. It is amazing how she lights up when we walk in. I wish we lived closer. She lives in another state. As for the cliff...no thanks I am afraid of heights! btw...I am glad to see you back!

That is very sad. It sounds like they have basically broken her spirit. I believe that all of us have a fear of growing old and being mistreated. I use to say that I did not want to live passed a certain age. However, I have decided to just live my life now. When it is time for me to go, I will. I do not believe that it is too late for your aunt though. As long as she is still alive, there is still hope.

Oh Pike that really hurts and upsets me to know how your poor aunt is being treated! I hate when people treat the elderly like that = and all because she got a bit lost? Disgraceful! y Gran is going to be 84 next week and yes of course she forgets things, yep she has gotten lost and scared the living daylights right out of us but that doesn't mean she needs her independance and freedom of choice taken away from her - I KNOW she would deteriorate rapidly if that happened! She still helps with housework and ironing at my house which I used to feel bad and guilty about but after talking with my brothers and sisters I have to agree with them if I stopped her she wouldn't feel useful anymore and that would be awful to her - she has always said she doesn't want to be dependant on others and would rather take 'a wee yellow pill'. So sorry that this has happened to your lovely Aunt sweety. Hugs xxx

Hello there, my friend. I feel so sad whenever I see elderly people in these homes and if possible, I would love to make them all happy. But their happiness differ and I can't possibly make them all happy. It's not in my means and I don't have the power nor energy to do that. Your question makes me realize of how important family is for us. Children, especially. I shudder to think one day how my children; whether they will be able to take care of me or not, or will they just leave me in a foster home. I pity your aunt, and my heart went out to her. So, how is she coping nowadays..? Her condition and all??

I've thought about this myself. I'm only 23, but I worked in an assisted-living facility for a while. Many of the residents were still "at themselves" and generally able to care for themselves with minimal help from the staff. That is how these facilities are meant to function. A few of the residents should have been in a full-nursing home. There were full-blown Alzheimer's patients that should have been living in a specialized home for that. There were a good many others that couldn't dress themselves, and I don't mean just needing help with the buttons. I mean I had to lift them out of the bed, hold them up BY MYSELF and put their clothes on for them WHILE STILL HOLDING THEM UP, and change their diapers when they didn't even know they had to use the bathroom. I quit the job when I realized that I had no training for any of that, and I didn't want to go down with the ship when I reported them for negligence and abuse. I decided then and there that I would never be that way. I will definitely take the cliff over the "assisted living".

Morning P1ke.. you and me both over the cliff like thelma and Louise..LOL,,wait those were two women..oh well! I am never going to go..they will take me kicking and screaming cause i just might take one of them with me...durn kids..sending me to a home..whats this world coming too?..I'll show them..P1ke? where are you? you get that leg and i'll get the other and we will make a break for it..ready? These homes take the life out of anyone..just go visit sometime and see..then maybe the next generation will think twice..whatever happened to taking care of our elders?

I've seen that happen to my mom. A couple of years ago she broke her arm on Father's Day. She had to go over to the health care center while it recovered. It was terrible. She just protected that arm so much that she's never fully recovered from it. She returned to her apartment but just wasn't as strong as before. After her PT ended, she started going downhill again until we decided that she needed to be full time in the health care center. When she first went there she was still walking with her walker, but after she fell a few times, they talked her into the wheelchair and worked on her walking. Now, she's not able to stand on one leg, and we have no idea why, this isn't the leg she broke the hip of a number of years ago, tho it is the side that she's been most affected by the strokes. Mom will be 82 in August.

Oh my...I'm so glad you didn't leave for good!! :) Thank god for that! You scared me for awhile. I'm with you over that cliff. I can't bear the thought of someone else having to take care of me as a child in my old age. I would be miserable if I couldn't think for myself. It seems most people want to live a long life. I don't want to die young by any means but I don't want to get so old that I become a burden either. That's a great question my dear!

I invite you to log on www.intimetv.com.They have a show on Alzheimers

I advise to all with family history of alzheimers to take folic acid because it is good for its prevention

I'm with you P1key. I'm with you. My Gramma of 89 yrs, was my idol. I am much like her, more than anyone else in the family. I connected with her. The fact that I used to 'run away' to her house when I was mad at 'Mom' likely had something to do with it. Even though she was in the next town over, a good few hours walk. But I think it gave me time to 'cool off'. My Mom and I lived 'in town' whereas my Gramma lived in the country. So it was a nice, peaceful place to 'run away' to. A few years ago, she just 'up and decided' that she didn't want to clean house, cook and take care of herself anymore and wanted us all to find her a nice home close to most of us for visiting. She gave her car to my daughter, well, me, but I gave it to my daughter. And we found her a nice home within 1/2 hr of me, 5 mins from my uncle (her oldest son) and in the same town as all his progeny and some of mine. Yes, I have noticed, to my chagrin, that my Gramma is now so submissive, and walks with a walker, so suddenly. This is a woman that always ran at 90 miles an hour, everywhere. She did everything in a hurry, but well. She was bright and witty. She used to always beat me at cards and cribbage. I have seen the 'spark' fade. It is very, very sad to me.

We say that,but who is going to be the one who pushes us over that cliff??...because I dont think for one moment that unless we steer ourselves there ,that anyone else will!Ive a similar situation here,an Aunty who has been widowed since she was in her late forties has now been placed into a secure unit,with dementia.She initially went to live with her daughter,which may have (along with losing her little dog)been the catalyst .The decline has been rapid,and she now knows nobody,not even her daughters.Its extremely sad,yes,but the only thing that I hope and pray is that she will fall asleep and her journey will have ended.Euthanasia...very very contraversial,but we wouldnt let any animal that we loved suffer in this way.

I agree completely, but when the time comes will we be able to be the ones to make the decisions for ourselves?? My mother was 90 years and one month old exactly when she passed away and had always been the most independent person that I had ever known, until the last two months of her life.. Than she had to depend on someone completely to take care of her, she was no longer able to.. Luckily she has 8 daughters and they were there to help her in her last two months of her life.. I am so thankful that we were able to take care of her and not have her put in a nursing home.. So p1kef1sh, it will be off to the cliffs with me also, if I am able to hobble to the cliffs.. have a great day and welcome back..

I'm so sorry about your aunt. It must be awful to spend the whole of your life being successful, assertive, shrewd, intelligent, independent etc., then to have to find yourself in a position - simply because of ageing - where you are totally at the mercy of and dependant on your carers. I think I read somewhere that those who have been more intelligent/active/successful or whatever in their lives find the decline that old age can bring more difficult to cope with than those who have led less productive lives. It must be very difficult for you to watch too, as no doubt all your memories of your aunt are of her being a vibrant, interesting woman. I hate the way society treats the elderly, as if they have never lived any kind of life, talk down to them, patronise them etc. These people who are approaching their 90s, and older, have lived through and no doubt participated in some of the greatest changes, socially and technologically, that the world has ever known and may ever know, yet the authorities view them as lumps of empty-headed humanity - maybe the carers mean well, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Of course not all carers are like this, but I believe a fair proportion are. If any care home worker could take a few minutes to just sit and have a cup of tea and a little chat with the residents where they work, they would begin to realise that old people are PEOPLE, have had lives, they have memories, have had deep experiences, they have loved, they have had jobs, partners, children - oh, everything - and I'm sure (looking at the state of the UK today) they did it a lot better than 90% of the people who are around nowadays. I feel like you too in that I don't want to get into a position where I'm completely dependent on someone else to clean up for me etc., and maybe I'd not go over a cliff, but I'd find some other way of ending what I'm sure would be a life of misery in old age. It sounds very morbid and hopeless to say that, but I see it as a way of maintaining our dignity. A very interesting post, and thanks for introducing the topic.

I sometimes think these homes bring on Alzheimers. They seem to take n independant people who have lived full lives and reduce tham to being totally compliant and reliant. I know it's easier for the staff but these people all have lives and families and are entitled to continue making their own decisions for as long as possible. Maybe the care homes should be made to adopt certain standards sort of like Ofsted for schools. They should be made to plan appropriate stimulation and care for the people who live there and should be inspected on an irregular basis and their visits should not be announced. The people who own these homes seem to make a lot of money for doing practically nothing but ruining the last years of many peoples lives. Having said that, there is an excellent home not far from me. Some people live almost completely independantly in bungalows on the grounds and some live in the care home. Very often the ones living in their own homes arrange things for everyone, using funds supplied by the home which each person contibutes a small amount per week to, and are quick to complain if residents are treated properly. There a lovely, lively people living there and the more able seem to have made sure things go well for all.

That's so sad but the worst thing is that it's not uncommon. It's very hard to find a decent home where they won't do that to people. My other half's grandad has just been put into one of those places for respite by other family members and the ones who really care are concerned he'll never come out again. I think I'd rather die young than have that sort of thing happen to me. I have already decided that I am going to always keep as busy and active as I can because that's supposed to help. A lady I know who's mum is in a home told me that her mum had previously been very busy both physically and mentally and they thought she's overused it! I think that she'd suddenly gone from being busy to being retired without a hobby. I might do something dangerous in later life like take up sky diving or formula one racing. Then I should have no worries about mental and degenerative diseases because I'll die before they get a chance!

p1 that is so sad as far as I am concerned a Person should never be talked down to or treated like that it is the worse thing they can do Your Auntie still has the right to be respected and treated like a normal Person no matter what the age, the state of mind This really makes me angry when they treat People like that They should her treat her how she has always be treated to leave her the pride and dignity she had all her Life yes look after her but treat like you would any normal Person and how she deserves to be treated Sorry for going on but this makes me angry I know that they can be like Children but they still have the right to be treated with respect Ok I will stop now lol or you will never get rid of me on this one And yes I am with you there

It is sad isn't Pike? I did a clinical rotation in an Alzheimer's unit, most of the nurses that trained me had become so desensitized by the very care that had to give that they too, sometimes walked around in a fog. You are so right, it does not take an active person long once institutionalized in a unit such as that. Not only are their freedoms taken away but restraints begin to be used.There are two types of restraints, physical, and chemical. Physical is only used as a last resort when the meds are not working. My rotation was enough to let me know that I wanted no part of that kind of nursing. Its not that I did not think I could make a difference, I might have for awhile, its just that you are very limited in what you can do, most nurses eventually give up, and just join the chorus. Yep I choose the cliff my friend. Word of warning, better jump while you still have a voice.

so sorry to hear about your aunt. this disease is one of the saddest known to man because of the way it affects people. it is hard for other family members to see their loved ones like that, especially when these family members dont even recognize them anymore.

lol i was just talking to my girlfriend about the same thing about 3 days ago. actually, i wanted to stop aging last year (when i was 17). it was the age i wanted to be at all my life as far as i can remember and then just quit aging and be like that for 1000 years. i resented my 18th birthday this past january. but couldn't help it, ya know? i told my girlfriend that if i get to be too old to take care of myself or if i go in a coma (like the lady at the hospital was in that started our conversation) to run to the nearest city and search out a Bugatti Veyron and a brick... put me in the driver's seat and the highest gear while laying the brick on the pedal and jump out of the way... when i die i want to die going FAST! SPEED! SPEED! SPEED!!! yeah, i have the need... the need for speed. actually, it's gotten me 4 tickets in the last year... i won't really go there.