What did I do wrong?

@Feona1962 (7527)
United States
June 15, 2008 9:38am CST
Hi everyone...I need your opinions please... I babysit for two kids, and have been for 8 months now... I was looking at ads on the internet here in my home town and I was reading about someone needing a sitter for their two kids.... Now here's the problem....I already babysit these two kids....NO one has told me they want a new sitter.... I haven't done anything wrong and I feel sad that they couldn't come to me and let me know what the problem is.... The ad was put in on June 6th...It is now June 15th and I have watched the kids all last week and she hasn't mentioned anything about not needing me anymore... I am really hurt over this... Should I call her and ask her why she is looking for a new sitter? Not sure what to do.....What do you think? Very sad over this......
35 people like this
61 responses
• United States
15 Jun 08
Well lets see. If she has a problem she should have talked to you about it first before looking for a new sitter. You have done nothing but teach and help her children. If it was me I would call her and tell her that Im done watching the kids and she can be on her way. She hurt you by doing this and thats not right. You have done NOTHING wrong so dont think you did. She apperantly has a problem but dosent want to talk you you about it. I wouldnt worry to much about it. Just tell her your done and wipe your hands of her. Hope this helps some. ~May The Kisses Of An Angel Cover And Protect You Always!~ Copper
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Thank you copper...What is she going to do when she finds someone else?...just not show up and what am I supposed to think....I would be worried and wondering why they aren't coming... She won't find anyone that charges less than I do...I should charge more but I was trying to help her out... The 4 yr old will be going to preschool in the fall so it will only be the 2 yr old so it won't cost her anymore... really bummed to think they think so little of me, yet they trust me to watch their children...
4 people like this
• United States
16 Jun 08
I agree, she is probably waiting til she finds another sitter to tell you for fear of you not watching her kids once she does tell you and she has nobody lined up. I would have to say that I would probably call and tell her that I am not watching her kids anymore either. She obviously doesn't seem concerned about inconviencing you by waiting til the last minute to tell you about it once she does find a new sitter. Give her a taste of her own medicine and she will be stuck with no where to bring her kids.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jun 08
Yes, I think you should ask her. I think you have the right to know. If you were quitting the job wouldn't you give some notice? Well she should do the same for you.
4 people like this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I was wondering if she is just not going to bring them over anymore.....That would be really rude.. I am always here waiting for the kids...somedays she doesn't even show up...she doesn't call or anything... thank you..
4 people like this
@MsTickle (25050)
• Australia
22 Jun 08
Well that shows you the type of person she is and how she takes you for granted. This is kind of a weird situation.
@Gollywog (1092)
15 Jun 08
I would want to know why? That is not very nice going behind your back looking for another sitter and not telling you? Maybe they dont want you to know or you may leave them without a sitter and they cant find another then there is no one to look after the children. They are being very sneeky? Ask them what they are doing and charge them more if they want you to stay, that will teach them to be dishonest?
4 people like this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I am not going anywhere...I will watch them for as long as she needs me....the oldest is going to pre-school and I offered to pick her up from school... It will be interesting to see why she hasn't told me.... I thought about charging more too!
3 people like this
@celticeagle (123585)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jun 08
Would she start this early for a new sitter for when you go back to school maybe? You need to be candid and just ask her. Life is too short to hee and haw around about it. Your stress level will be off the charts. You don't need that.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Hi celtic, no I am a grama and take care of my grandsons and two other kids, including her two... I am not going anywhere.... I will be asking her because I need to know...
3 people like this
@shooie (4985)
• United States
15 Jun 08
If you babysit more than just her two at the same time maybe she is looking for someone that will just watch her two and give more one on one. It doesn't mean she thinks you are a babysitter or anything. Ask and try to be understanding no matter what she tells ya.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I watch only hers fulltime....I do have two others that I watch one day a week for an hour or so...but I watch hers monday through friday unless she has a day off... I am very concerned about it....
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (115968)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I would be sad, or worried, at first. On the other hand it may be a matter of hoping to get a young person for a cheaper rate for the summer, or wanting to check other rates. I think I would tell her what I learned and ask for an explanation.
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Hi Feona, long time no see! I read through and maybe you're doing too good of a job? It could be that those kids totally love you and don't shut up about you at home or at grandma's house and now either mom or grandma is totally jealous. That's actually very common with sitters & nannies and why a lot of people switch. I know it's retarded but it happens. A lot of working moms feel guilty that they're not there with the kids 24/7 and so when they see that their kids get that close to another woman who is providing care to her kids, she feels betrayed and jealous. I used to work with a woman who fired so many nannies because her daughter adored them and so she'd feel like they were trying to take her place. If I had a sitter that my kids adored... I'd feel super lucky not psycho but everyone is different. It could also be that they need someone who will come in home for them? Gas being what it is and all. Whatever the reason, let them know that it's not cool to be all shady like that. Oh and the not bringing the kids or even calling some days, let them know that for $15 an afternoon that kind of sh*t so does not fly!
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Hi g..... Where have you been young lady....Swooning again? She works 45 minutes away, so gas would be expensive for her....but with what I charge it shouldn't be a problem.. I was just trying to help and I got screwed again... Well, I have decided that I will not take them back if she doesn't find a sitter...she will need to figure it out on her own... It is sooooo good to see you.....hugs
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
16 Jun 08
That just burns me up, Feona! I really hate it when someone you have any kind of relationship with cannot be open and above board with you about their true feelings. I don't understand why you have remained silent for so long because were I in such a situation I would have asked some questions right off the bat. You should try to get to the bottom of this by all means!
2 people like this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Hi Worldwise, I just found out on June 15th....so I was waiting to ask her when she dropped off the kids today...She called me this morning and said her brother is going to watch them today...I don't want to do it over the phone.. I will see what happens tomorrow and if she says her brother is going to watch them, then I will ask her about it on the phone.... thank you..
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164231)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Jun 08
i do not blame you for feeling hurt, the veryidea of them 'doing that is preposterous. If they had a complaint they should have been upfront about it. That is very odd indeed and not to say a word to you.I would indeed call her and ask her what the heck is going on as you do need some 'closure on this situation. this is really strange.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 Jun 08
If it were me, I'd call her and ask about it to see what she has to say. It might be over something other than you such as moving or she may want someone who's closer to her or some other reason that I can't think of so yeah, I'd call and ask her why. It's the only way you're going to know.
2 people like this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Hi Cats, she only lives about 1 mile from me....I honestly think she is looking for someone cheaper...but I don't know...It is the only thing I can come up with..I only charge her $15 for 5 hours....I don't know anyone that is going to accept less than that...especially for two kids in diapers... I will ask her, but not today because it is Father's Day.... thank you..
2 people like this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I would call her and ask her. I would be hurt also but I'd also be angry at the way she is going about it. Maybe you did nothing wrong. Maybe your rates are higher than what she can really afford or some other reason that has nothing to do with you. If you did do something wrong, you deserve an explanation and a chance to explain yourself. Also and this is what would make me the angriest....this is your income and you deserve a notice at the very least so that you can be looking to replace those 2 kids when she finds a new sitter. She is looking after her own situation with no regard for you at all. And also one would have to wonder, if you did something so wrong that she feels she needs to find someone else, why in the world is she still bringing her kids to you? So pick up the phone and call her.
2 people like this
@mizcash (686)
• Canada
16 Jun 08
yes, you should call her and ask why your service is not needed anymore, it maybe for something you may or may not have done it never hurts to have an answer. The situation could be something that can be rectify. So, go ahead and ask.
2 people like this
• Philippines
16 Jun 08
relax feona...maybe she was just looking for a sitter that might work for the weekends or maybe she is just looking for a back up sitter incase you will be not working for them when you are sick...just relax..wait for them to tell about the problem if not just ask them...ask the kids too if they like you or not.hope this had help.
2 people like this
@MsEddie86 (236)
• United States
16 Jun 08
i think you should approach them to see why they are wanting a new sitter because u have been watching the kids for quite some time and they have gotten attached to u so i think you should ask because it is wrong for them not to tell u why if they are in a sense laying you off
2 people like this
@jessieBee (1046)
• Trinidad And Tobago
16 Jun 08
Oh no you found out.... I think you should sit down with her and ask her exactly what is going on. People change sitters for different reason, doesn't necessarily mean you did something bad/wrong, she may have her own personal reasons. Which is in your best interest to know why she has come to such a decision. if she doesn't chose to tell you when you ask then don't push it, but i don't see a reason for her not to tell you. Look on the bright side after ward it may be for the best, a new opportunity may lie a head. Hope i helped.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Hi Jessie, I was just wondering what is going to happen if she doesn't find a sitter and leaves them with me, then how will that work... She would expect everything to be the same I would assume... It won't be the same for me... thank you...and I believe everything happens for a reason...You did help....thanks
1 person likes this
@jessieBee (1046)
• Trinidad And Tobago
16 Jun 08
If that does happen and she doesn't find a new sitter i imagine you will feel quite different, as if you are there because she has no other alternative. that would be really hard to deal with. i was once sent home from a job and then called back and when i started back to work there I felt different, out of place for the first couple of weeks. i really hope things work out for you no matter what the direction this situation goes.
1 person likes this
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Hi Feona, I would confront them and find out what they think you are doing that is wrong. It is hard to do but it might clear up some bad feelings. We went through the same thing. we were babysitting for my wifes nephews. There mom was mad at us because she would send food for the kids to eat but it was just junk food and we fed the kids nutritious food and left her junk in the bag. She was so mad about it that she found a different sitter for them and had to pay three times the amount that she paid us. All because we did not agree with feeding only sugared up food to her kids. Mark
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Hi Mark, that is very sad indeed and very selfish of the mother...Parents send junk food here too and I don't give it too them..I feed them the good food... The one parent drops her two off (different family) and brings one poptart for the boy and girl and that is it for 6 hours....one poptart, no lunch, no good snacks....now what the heck if up with that? They can't go all day without food, or a drink...which she doesn't bring either.... I feed them but they are not good eaters but at least they do eat something...one poptart is stupid..... She won't get anyone cheaper than me that will spend quality time with the kids like I do... I just feel for the kids because they like me and we have a good time..... Sorry to hear about your nephews.....thank you for your comment..
1 person likes this
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I do not understand why some parents think that a steady diet of junk is all right for their kids. That is when they need the healthiest foods so they well develop properly. I am happy to see that you also supply healthy foods for the kids you watch. It is so important.
@Elixiress (3887)
15 Jun 08
I think that you should ask her, because it is not fair if she suddenly says "sorry my children are going to be look after elsewhere" as this is taking away your income. She should give you warning, so that you can find some more children to look after, so you are not left out of pocket. I cannot tell you what you have done wrong, neither can anyone else on here, the only person who knows is the Mam and possibly the children.
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Hi Elixiress...I know that I didn't do anything wrong..I am just curious as to why she hasn't said anything to me....It wouldn't be fair just to drop me without an explanation.. It is her choice to seek someone else but I would like to know why...there haven't been any problems so I don't understand.... thank you..
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3887)
16 Jun 08
Maybe she hasn't told you, because she might not be able to find anyone else and she doesn't want the awkwardness of you knowing that she is going to "fire" you.
1 person likes this
@OURDEW (4812)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Hi Feona, I'm sorry that is happening to you. You are such a sweet person and I'm sure they are lucky to have you as a sitter. My idea is to call the add and act like you are interested in the job, maybe they will tell you some information you don't know. Then I would tell them who I was and ask them why. I don't know if that would work or not, but it might be worth a try. I'm sure you really love those kids, but I'm sure you wouldn't have a hard time finding other people to babysit for. Let us know how this turns out. Good luck!!1
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
16 Jun 08
of course they should have come to u first. i don't like to be stabbed in the back & to me that's just what they did to you. i had an employee in the beauty shop that did me that way once. really p.o. me . everybody in the shop including my mother knew it. i found out & i called her up & told her to come get her things.if she'd been up front w/me it would have been fine because i really didn't care for her anyway.i'd have to ask them why but that's just me.
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I am sorry to hear that has happened to you.. What if she doesn't find a sitter, will she keep bringing them here...don't know..and act like I never knew she was looking for someone new.. All she had to do was come to me and let me know what was going on...I will be asking her here in a couple of days.... Thank you..
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Jun 08
Let me play devil's advocate for a minute okay? What if she heard somewhere that you were going to stop watching her kids?and she doesn't want you to know that she knows, but she is getting ready just incase? It is hard to know exactly what is going on here. Obviously she posted an add, where everyone could see, she had to know there was a chance you would see it as well... Obviously, you have to talk to her I think everyone here has come to that conclusion, as well as yourself. I don't think though that I would be "what's up?" or anything like that. You are babysitting her kids, you are in a way a professional of sorts. When she comes to drop off the kids, I would just say "So Funny thing happened...when I was on (whateverplace you were that you saw the add) And I noticed you were looking for childcare?" Pause to see reaction..."I was just wondering if there is anything that I can do..." I believe the last thing you want to do at this point is sound hurt or even desperate, asking what did I do wrong? or why are you looking for someone else? Yes it hurts like hell, however, if her intent wasn't to get someone altogether new, just for fill in's etc. she will know she has you no matter what, and you could run the risk of even longer hours....non-payment, etc because she knows how much you would do to keep her kids, and how much you would be sad if they were gone? Just my two cents! I just got done working in a family dayhome and am now opening my own!
1 person likes this