It hurts to hear it.

Philippines
August 12, 2008 1:17am CST
yesterday, the husband of my sister tell me that he is really tired of what my sister do to him. he says that my sister cheated him, he says he dont want to broke his family, because he love my sister very much, even he feel stupid.he still love my sister. my heart is really aching for what i hear from him, he is 11 years older to my sister. and i dont think he deserve to be hurt like that, what will i do, i dont want to have an arguement with my sister, so untill now i dont talk to her about what her husband tell me.
2 people like this
22 responses
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
14 Aug 08
Please don't let yourself get mixed up in your sister's domestic affairs. It could lead to trouble for all 3 of you. Tell your brother-in-law to get professional, family counseling.
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
thats what im doing, i dont want to get involve to thier personal life, besides i have also my own family, we have other problems too, specially financial problem. and also, they are only the one to resolve thier own problem, it is not good to tell it to someone else. as what my husband says to me, if we have some mis understanding, we should be the one to solve it and it is better that no one knows about it except the two of us.
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
21 Aug 08
You are being wise.
@riyasam (16556)
• India
12 Aug 08
there might be some reason why she is acting like this.have a talk with her.never support one person without hearing other persons story.
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
yes i know, but i know what her husband tells me is true, coz her husband tell it to me with her 17 years old daughter, and even my husband, hear my sister to talk to the other guy on cellphone, i also feel ashame to my husband for what he knows about my sister and the guy.
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
yeah i agreee, you have to talk to your sister about it, its either u talk to her and deal with the situation or keep mum about it and think nothings happening, u have to talk to her, clarify the issue, just dont judge ur sister go talk to her and find out whats the real deal
@deemple (191)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
nice,i know you don't judge your sister like that.first of all,you haven't confided to your sister yet.there are couples' relationship that are to be considered.though your in-law seems so nice to you and your family,you have to consider also the personal relationship that they have,which you don't know what's behind in it.i could relate to that,because my relationship looks that way too.you don't know what's going on into it.relationship to in-laws are different to personal relationship,to which only couples know what.try to talk to your sister,she needs someone to hear her.who knows,it might you.don't be biased,okay?
• United States
21 Aug 08
The best thing to do is nothing. All you can do is be the person he can talk to and be a good sister to her too. You shouldn't have to be the one to tell her how he feels. So all you can do is offer your support to both of them.
• Philippines
23 Aug 08
yes, it is what im supposed to do, i dont want to be involved with thier personal life, they are the one to resolve thier family problem. its up to them how to handle it, as well as how me and my husband handle our relationship. of which we have trust into each other, no other person involve, so we are just a happy family even we have some financial problem, we are still happy.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Aug 08
Deciphering this situation as best I can, I don't think it is your place to tell your sister what her husband told you. However, if your sister is cheating on her husband, might be able to let it be known that you disapprove of that. Not by any direct reference to your life or hers, but -- for example -- by complaining about a coworker's affair and how it ruins families without ever letting that you know. Try not to be too obvious about this, of course.
12 Aug 08
Hello nice030481, I am so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law, it is always hard because its your sisster who is in the wrong but the best you are doing is keep out of it let them sort their marriage out other wise you will get blame for interferring so just be paient. Tamara
12 Aug 08
I agree with you. It is very sad to hear but it's best to stay out of it. Getting involved may cause you personal problems you don't need. If and when they make up you won't be blamed for causing problems.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
12 Aug 08
you are her sister and you always have the right to talk to her. it is not about breaking into her personal life, it is about you being her sister. so, show that you care by opening up a discussion. ofcourse, try to find the right time for this discussion. be sincere when talking to her. let her know how you feel and listen to what she has to say. by this, atleast you will get the side of both worlds and you will feel a lot better after.
• India
13 Aug 08
No dear, You dont have to do anything. I suggest dont listen more to him too. Its just he trying to get your sympathy.. and thats it.. So now u know what will be next. So better just keep quiet
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Aug 08
you should try to talk peacefully with your sister in private and ask her why she would jepardise her marriage like that. maybe she is going thru menopause or theres things you dont know he is doing with her and your blaming the wrong party.
@reckon21 (3479)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Your sister deserves a beating for all the hurt she had caused to his husband. Of course i am just kidding. It's about time to step up and intervene with your sister marriage. Advise her about the way she treated her husband.
@iyah10 (4115)
• Kuwait
12 Aug 08
if you really care for your sister's family then it would be very helpful to them and to their children to talked with your sister about that matter on how true it is that she is having another affair and if she did she still have time to change it for her family and a husband who Love her so much.......
@lixiaos77 (1030)
• Shijiazhuang, China
13 Aug 08
He really should not complain about his wife. It is not surprised that wife changes somewhat after getting married and wife can't be supposed to be honest all the time. If she doesn't cheat about love, I believe it is not important. Ignore her behavior and do as you should.
@despompa (472)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
hi! i would suggests that you talk to your sister and tell her what her hubby told you. assure her that you can be trusted and you're still her sister no matter what. she may be aloof to you but she is also aware that you know what she is going through to her marriage right now. don't just listen to what your brother inlaw is saying but try to hear your sisters side as well. advise her if you have too and if she needs it. or you can just sit and listen while she talks. that way, you can prevent the damage but still have her trust. be a friend to her no matter what. after all, blood is thicker than water. forget what other people may think of her or comment rudely towards her. nobody's perfect and she still have time to change and make up with her family if she still think it's worth preserving.
@metalhalo (599)
• United States
12 Aug 08
She's your sister, so I'm guessing you two are close. I would have a talk with her. Just you and her. Don't be angry with her, just tell her what you've heard and then lend an open ear and heart. Cheating is never right but you still haven't heard the whole story. Some people are unfaithful because they feel they're not getting the love and affection from home, or maybe she's just gotten bored with the married life and someone new brought back those butterflies. If they decide to stick it out and work on their marriage I would then suggest some sort of counsiling. Either couples or one on one. Good luck and I hope it all works out.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
12 Aug 08
it means either you have to talk to your sister, or keep mum. if you also really think your sister did bad to him, i think you can ask her. but that too if you feel so. otherwise good to be silent
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
12 Aug 08
HI nice, [i]wow..that is really tough! You mean she has another man? I guess as a sister, you have to confront her about her wrongdoings...It's okay to have some arguments as long as it is to save her from what she is doing right now! If she has kids, it will not be good for them to face people's criticism towards their mother! or ask your mother to advise your sister about that issue, if you will not do any action this time, she will continue that and it will just ruin her own family in the future![/i]
• India
12 Aug 08
Problems cannot be solved without talking about it. So please go to your sister and say talk to her and try to convince her. Say to your sister about her husband and his pain (love and feelings y towards her) then i think she will understand it. without a conversation this problem will not be solved so, take your step, go to her and talk to her.
@sweetie1026 (1718)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
I think you better sit down and talk to your sister. Find out if it's true and dig up all the reasons why she had done that in the first place. Then, ask her what she wants to happen with her life? Tell her to discern on her decision before making any. Then, talk to her husband too. You will be in a bit akward position but you have to do this to help them. In the first place your brother in-law confided to you, maybe because he thinks you can talk sense to your sister and be able to save their marriage. Good luck!
@brisk123 (2823)
• India
12 Aug 08
"Silence is golden" will not work in this case.You can't turn a deaf ear to this.I know, she is your sister and that must be one of the reason why you haven't still have a talk with her regarding this issue.First of all,let me ask you one question.How long they have been married?How was the relationship?Was it good?another,what happen recently,any clue?I would also say,that don't judge everything hearing the one side of the story.Sometimes what you see in front,is not exactly what is going on behind the curtain.Find out what is really the matter?What made him say that she cheated on him?is this just a suspicion?Do you think your sister is capable of doing such a thing?Have a talk with him first,then talk with your sister about the matter.Let us see what she has to say about it.If she admits that she is having an affair,then you know that her husband isn't lying and if she denies and gives some other reason,then you have to find out the truth and reach bottom line.Goodluck,my friend!
• United States
12 Aug 08
First of all...I am sorry that this has hurt you and your family. It seems to me that your sister needs to be told how her behavior and choices are hurting those who LOVE HER. She needs to hear it. She probably will not want to hear it...nor will she want to believe it...but she definitely needs to hear it. Your sister also needs to decide what she wants. She cannot have it all...any longer. She needs to decide if she wants her family, her husband...the love he has given and wants to continue to give to her. You are right...he does not deserve to be hurt (no one does). Whatever she decides...YOU can be there for your friend (her husband). Whatever she decides SHE will have to live with those consequences. She will have to live with that decision. Hopefully it will all work out for EVERYONE involved. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! Good luck!