Why are relationships so hard?

United States
August 17, 2008 3:40pm CST
Why is being with someone so complicated? Everything is so complicated. I find it hard to keep everyone happy. Myself, my daughter, him, his daughter......his daughter's mother.....my daughter's father. It's just impossible. What I want to fix for dinner, nobody else wants to eat. What I want to watch on tv, nobody else wants to watch. What I want to spend our entertainment allowance on, nobody else wants to do. Why is it so hard and so complicated? And, does it always go this way or does it get better??
3 people like this
18 responses
@drannhh (15235)
• United States
18 Aug 08
You are in a tight spot, it seems. But the problem with keeping other people happy is that then they just want more. If they are doing as much to keep you happy as you are doing to keep them happy, then fine, things might work out OK, but somewhere, perhaps, there is a lack of communication as to what excpectations are reasonable and appropriate. It is hard to know where to draw the line, isn't it? Have you ever sat down with a big sheet of paper and written "Me" on one side and "Them" on the other and listed what you do for them and they do for you and what you except of them and what they expect of you and then tried to group your list into what you think is reasonable and what isn't? I have read some good books on self-actualization and how to use non-confrontational methods to not be everyone else's pushover. They were really helpful, because I learned from them some methods to use to telll people NO without making them mad. I learned that people don't really listen to what we say sometimes unless we tell them in a way they can understand. Good luck, and I hope it gets better. You deserve better!
2 people like this
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Wow that does sound difficult! Finding compromise sounds like the key to this situation! Hope you find it soon and if you do I think things might go a little more smoothly!
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16065)
• United States
18 Aug 08
That is very common, we are all unique from each other...In our case, we try to meet halfway like for food, we will prepare what he likes and what I like then share...about TV program, I will give him time to enjoy his movie and then next time it will be my turn!
1 person likes this
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
18 Aug 08
You could narrow all that down to - no one wants to cooperate - or - everyone wants their own way. Its extremely easy to make life easy for another person. Just think in terms of what makes them happy. That certainly does not appear to be the case here.
@metalhalo (601)
• United States
18 Aug 08
Relationships are so complicated because we can't control them. Everybody's got their likings and dislikes. One wants to eat there but the rest of the family doesn't. One wants to watch that movie but the others have already seen it. My family is extremely close to my husband's. That's my family of 3 with 6 others included. Everyones got an opinion. You just have to learn to compromise. We all take turns picking what to have for dinner. The little kids get included too and it makes them feel important and like they have a say in what we do. Family is about give and take. You either make it work and come up with an easy solution or let it take over and have everything be chaotic.
@hotsummer (10526)
• Philippines
18 Aug 08
i say that you have really difficult situation. i don't really know the answer or solution to your problems i wish that i have something to say or could help you. but i hope that you have someone to talk to on your place or friends that you could confide on who will have something to say or who could offer god advice on your difficult situation. i really don't much about your family why that is the situation in your place. i had experienced that kind of problem before. it was really pretty difficult. i was not able to deal with it before. i just let the day s pass as it was.
1 person likes this
• India
18 Aug 08
Why u know? B'cos you want others to behave the way you want them to. We always complicate relationships by trying to have a control over others' lives. All of us are unique. No two fingers are the same. We should accept our relatives/friends etc as they are. Then relationships will be very pleasant. But, we continue to changes others according to our wishes/tastes. That is where the problem starts. Just start accepting them as they are and then life will become better.
1 person likes this
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
17 Aug 08
it is just how the life is ... my mother also trying to make me, my brother and my sister happy everyday so she do all the cleaning after us but sometimes she got it enough ... everyday she make us a great meal but we do not like to eat it, sometimes we does, but that is really rare times, i also do not understand why it is like that but it just is
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
18 Aug 08
Do you have anything in common with these people? My husband and I both hate spinach and split pea soup. Other than that, he's usually happy with what I make. He can't have mayonnaise and I can't have tomato sauce. So I make a macaroni salad that I split in half. One half I put in a bowl with mayo for me and the other with salad dressing (which seems sicky sweet and I hate and so does the rest of my family) and serve it to him. Likewise when he makes spaghetti, he puts half in tomato sauce for him and puts butter and herbs or cheese sauce on mine. Most ot the time, we have meat and potatoes or meat and rice so this doesn't come up that often. TV, we have two. Sometimes I watch what he watches with him and sometimes I watch something different on the other TV. Most times I'm on computer. I don't know about your situation. It's just my husband, me and the cat. So we do things together and separately. But when you have an extended family like that, I don't know. I'm sure someone else can help you better.
@writersedge (22577)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Thanks for best response. I'm surprised, but thankfut. take care
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
18 Aug 08
Blended families and even those who are not always seem to be at odds with each other. As children get older and other relationships with other people grow so does the discovery that we all find out we don't always like each other. Hang in there and don't take anything personal, even though you might think it is.
@gemini_rose (16257)
18 Aug 08
It sounds like you are having a hard time of it! I think the only relationship that I really find hard is marriage, now that is hard work! My hubby is the biggest pest ever, and being married is the hardest job that I have ever undertaken. But it is worth it, we have a great bond! To be honest in regards to all the other relationships I do not go out of my way to keep people happy, if I want to do something, or go somewhere and someone does not like it, that is tough! If I want to watch something on tv, I will watch it. I mean I compromise and do my best to make everyone happy but you cant always, sometimes you just have to please yourself!
• Philippines
18 Aug 08
Good day...If you're not flexible specially when in that kind of relationship you'll really will have a hard time. I do believe however that true love endures and so can you. It's just needs some adjustments and time with the people around you. In time you'll learn to adjust with them and they in turn will learn to adjust with you.
@lira23 (209)
• United States
18 Aug 08
Here is what I would tell them. Look here I'm cooking,your going to eat what I cook or starve. Agree on something for the week,plan out meals. Trying to make everyone else happy isn't going to happen, you can never make other people happy, it makes you miserable , tell them you've had enough and to cook you something for once maybe, as for the TV situation, you can always watch things online if you've got a high speed connection, I can set you up with a good site.
• United States
18 Aug 08
wow, I dont know - I have never had anything that complicated. I know that sometimes there are things that I do that annoy my man but other than that we are usually right on when it comes down to what to eat, what to watch etc hope it gets better for you!!
@prettyD (123)
• Philippines
18 Aug 08
Just don't get disappointed by what you are doing God knows how much you pleases your family, maybe at this time on they don't realize your importance to them, they will just get into realization when things are gone. Just be patient and keep on doing what you are doing, because that is the best thing you should do. Lift it up everything to God so you will not be disappointed by it.
• United States
18 Aug 08
dont know ... must be it spreads love ...
@sedel1027 (17851)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Sounds like you guys need to learn how to compromise. You can not make everyone happy all the time and you shouldn't try to. You need to do things for yourself. Yes, you family is important, but you know the saying "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Focus on your child, your relationship with your SO; don't try to make you ex happy because that probably will never happen, and let your SO deal with his mother is she drives you insane. Keep you head up, things will turn around
@GardenGerty (118117)
• United States
17 Aug 08
I think every relationship has its rough spots, but they do get better. It is good to have an impartial place to vent, like MyLot. I would be feeling frustrated myself if I was in your shoes right now. Go do something fun for yourself, and the first person who complains about dinner can fix it themselves.