Do you go to bed feeling angry with your partner?

@iskayz (5421)
Philippines
September 28, 2008 7:34am CST
Hi everyone! When my sister got married my fathers tip for the new couple was not to go to bed feeling angry with her husband. My dad said, thats his secret with my mom that's why they never fight and they never experienced long frets with each other. We never saw them fight actually. He said whenever they have problems they talk about it at night before sleeping and they don't sleep until everything is well again. I don't know if my sister gets to practice it but I admire my dad's attitude towards having a good relationship with my mom. What about you guys? How do you maintain a good relationship with your partner? When is the best time when you and your partner talks about your problems? Do you talk about your problems especially when your angry and try to fix it the soonest time possible or you just let anger subside? Can you sleep feeling angry with your partner? How do you maintain a good relationship with your partner? Please do share!
3 people like this
16 responses
@makingpots (11916)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Someone told me that before I married too. I have always taken it to heart and worked hard at no going to bed angry at my husband. It is not always possible for us to work out whatever the problem may be before the need to sleep arrives, but we always do what we can to soften some of the edges and agree to deal with it later. If I have too much anger and it keeps me from sleeping I will get up and write out whatever I am feeling. It always helps me to write feelings out of my head. I almost always tear them up after writing them.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
It is really hard to fall asleep if you're angry. The mind keeps on thinking about it and it makes us restless. Writing your anger? Hey, I have read that on some magazine. So it does work? Thanks for sharing!
@makingpots (11916)
• United States
29 Sep 08
It really, REALLY works. I've done it for years.
@chabawel (329)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
It is a great thing to settle everything with your partner before going to your separate ways or for spouses, before going to bed. My husband and I don't fight especially in front of our kids. We managed to talk things over at night when our two kids are already tucked in on their beds. There's this serene feeling when there's nothing or no one is disturbing the moment of sharing between the husband and wife. You may never know if that's the last night you'll share with your love one. That's basically what I see things right now. Don't let anything bother you. You only live once and it will be sad if it's your last day on earth and you have a fight with your love one.
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Yeah I have to agree with you on that. We don't know what will happen tomorrow and so its better that if we don't get to have misunderstandings and frets with our partners. It would be nice if what we will remember on the last moments of the relationship to be a good one. Good day!
@riyasam (16560)
• India
29 Sep 08
nowadays i go to bed angry with him as i feel he has become more stubborn and does not take my views into consideration.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Uhmmm... Now I think your partner needs a little spanking so he would listen to you hehe. So when do you get to resolve the problem if he doesn't listen to you?
@applefreak (3130)
• Singapore
29 Sep 08
i believe in resolving issues there and then. harbouring anger is never good for any relationship. it eats away at the core of the relationship. it never does go away, it just hides and pounces when something else happens. furthermore, we'll never know what happens. i don't want to regret not making up for the rest of my life. pride and ego is the worst thing one can have in a relationship. learn to put them down and you'll be surprised how easy it is to admit you are wrong. cheers ;p
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Hi there! I like your attitude towards resolving problems the shortest time possible. And you're right at every point you shared. Keeping anger won't do any good in a relationship. And for every issue that has not been resolved it will slowly pile up until it can no longer be resolved and destroy the relationship. Personally, I would also try to resolve problems immediately. And whatever happens after then, be it good or bad at least I have tried. Thanks for sharing!
@marisriel (1157)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
My husband and I always try to do this whenever it is possible. But there are really times that no matter how you talk about things that need to be settled, we just can't agree. And the longer we talk, the deeper our disagreement becomes. When I begin to realize that, I will just try to think that there are better days to settle. Before going to sleep, I'll just surrender our disagreement to God and then when we wake up the next morning with better dispositions, we can already talk again and settling an issue is so easy and we will just think how we have made matters too big to deal with.
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Well that's one best way of resolving arguments, praying. Asking God's intercession will help you both enlighten your reasoning and avoid further damage in the relationship. Thanks for sharing!
@eddie42 (270)
• United States
28 Sep 08
he gave some good advice you should never go to bed angry with your mate why did he tell you that because he realize you could die in your sleep and never get to say iam sorry.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Oh yeah! I never thought of that hehe Keep postin!
@tlb0822 (1410)
• United States
28 Sep 08
My fiance and I have a very good relationship. We hardly ever fight, and yes we live together. lol. I think there was only one time that we went to bad angry, it was because we both were drinking, and there wasn't any way that we could resolve the issue while both being intoxicated. In the morning we realized that the fight was stupid, and made up. Any other time, we talk things out before going to sleep. Even if we are in bed, we just lay there and talk out what went wrong. I think that it is good to have open communication in a relationship. It is hard to sleep being angry, and neither gets a good night sleep. So its better to resolve the problem if it can be resolved at that moment. We maintain our relationship by being spontaneous, and open to one another. We listen to each other, and joke around a lot. We just do little things, like cuddling after work, or leaving notes for each other.
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Communication I think is the key to have good relationship with our partners. That's good if you are open to one another. I think not being serious all the time in a relationship won't make the relationship boring. Thanks for sharing!
@thanujad (405)
• Sri Lanka
28 Sep 08
No I don't go tobed feeling angry. When I'm angry I don't talk at all. My father told me not to open my mouth when I'm angry as you will not know what you may say and if you tell something bad you could never take it back. I think he is right. Later when I'm in a good mood I use to talk to him about it in a nice away. So we hardly have fights.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
I agree with you on that. We should be careful what to say when we're mad because we couldn't sometimes think well. There are those people who just let it all out when they're angry and end up saying hurtful things. the best way to control it is to keep calm. Keep posting and good day!
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Boyfriend and I try to not go to bed feeling angry at each other. Boyfriend is the one who usually wants things talked about right away but I'm the one who needs space most of the time. Sometimes, I talk to him right away, sometimes he knows well enough to leave me alone. I've realized that I'm one of those people who tend to say really hurtful things when angry so I try to walk away and not say anything until I've mellowed down quite a bit. But by the time we go to sleep, even if we haven't resolved the issue, Boyfriend and I would just cuddle up and go to sleep, aware that we both love each other and talk about the issue the next day.
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Oh that's sweet of you two.. Still cuddling up on your sleep and not letting any issue get on the way. I wish me and my boyfriend are like that. But we don't live under the same roof so it's kinda hard to patch things up when we have problems. We just try our best not to irritate each other when we're together. Happy mylotting!
@Laura84 (191)
28 Sep 08
I have gone to bed angry or upset a couple of times. It doesn't help that my fiance is 5000 miles away. We talk online and sometimes we argue as it is hard to convey feelings over instant messenger. I get upset because I am not there to confort him or give in a hug. We get frustrated that we are so far apart and we can't do anything to resolve it. Luckily though the next day we are fine as we ahve slept on it and had a chance to think about our actions.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Oh I see. That's whats hard in a long distance relationship. Not being there to comfort each other. And when you get frustrated that only means you misses each other a lot. It's good that you resolve things after having a good night sleep though. It helps eases the frustration. Keep posting!
@klaudine (3650)
• Indonesia
28 Sep 08
Yes sometimes I do that too. LOL. Your idea was very nice, since it is not good to sleep with bad feeling, but I know in the desperate and tired condition because lack of sleeping people tend to say something that they don't want to say and cannot think logically. It is rather to have some sleep and have our mind refreshed so that the next morning we can resolve everything with the better and clearer view.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
I agree with you too. If couples are too stressed out fighting and trying to solve the problems but the more things get complicated they should give it a rest first. Just maybe until their anger subsides. Sleeping can help rest the mind. Just not let the misunderstandings take long cause it might be hard to patch things up. Good day!
• United States
28 Sep 08
I also was taught to never go to bed angry with your spouse. However, i havent always been able to live by that rule. most times we get things smoothed out by bedtime, but if its something huge and that cant be solved quickly, well we have gone to bed angry. I dont like doing this, but sometimes i just am too stressed or to mad to be bothered. Its like the song from country singer Teri Clark "i just wanna be mad for a while" if i am mad, just let me be, ill get over it, but i need to feel whatever it is tht im feeling.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Hi! Well I think its ok to go to bed being mad sometimes. There are problems that cannot just be solved in seconds. And if one is really mad, for me it would be better to let him/mer be for a while rather than force the person to talk and irritate him/her more. That might worsen the situation only. Thanks for sharing!
@missybear (11391)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Sometimes we go to bed mad but when we wake up the next day we always kiss and make up right away. No sense beeing mad all over again.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
28 Sep 08
Its good that you still kiss and make up the next day even if you slept mad. Getting mad until he next day or for several days won't do anything good. Keep that attitude to have long lasting relationship. Ciao!
• Canada
28 Sep 08
yes a lot of the time, last night for sure. we do try hard never to fight around the kids, i don't feel children need to see that, but sometimes it's hard, don't get me wrong i love my husband very much, everyone fights at some point no one is perfect. We usually talk about why we faught. we try not to let anything hang their, i don't want something from last month popping up this week in a fight, no what i mean. and no matter how mad we get at each other we always tell each other "i love you"!
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5421)
• Philippines
28 Sep 08
Yes I agree with you that no one is perfect. It's ok if once in a while you fight with your partner. That's just normal in a relationship. Keep posting!
@syankee525 (6289)
• United States
28 Sep 08
that what we were tought never go to bed mad. your feelings are never wrong. and something listening is best things to do, and learn when to talk
1 person likes this
• India
29 Sep 08
Not only with my partner...with any one who really matters to me i will resolve the fight and only then go to sleep...for all I know I might not wake up the next morning;-)