Do finances figure into your choosing a mate?

@worldwise1 (14887)
United States
October 8, 2008 10:33am CST
I was watching an interesting case on one of the TV judge shows that got me wondering. The woman had broken off her engagement to the man because his business venture had failed and he could not afford to give her the engagement ring that she desired. Now, what's wrong with this picture? Isn't love supposed to conquer all? I don't believe she really loved this man at all because if she had she would not have broken up with him over something so petty. The information came out in the case that the man had an MBA degree, so we can assume that he would have the ability to bounce back from the temporary setback in his finances. What would you have done if faced with such a situation? Do you believe in "For richer or poorer?
1 person likes this
18 responses
@austere (2814)
• Philippines
9 Oct 08
that girl didnt love the guy in the first place.. she would not call off the wedding just because she didnt get the engagemnet ring that she wanted. she love the guys money that's all i can say.. i love my boyfriend so much, and i would say that even if he doesnt have money, i would still marry him.. he's smart and good and very loving.. he's just incomparable.. a good friend whom i love so much and who loves me unconditionally too... that's what love and marriage is all about... i hate those kind of girls really... they guy deserves better than her!hehe i hope that guy would overcome the problem, start on his feet again and meet somebody who truly loves him.. and the girl will end up sorry for what she did!! she should have supported her and help him up instead of leaving him.. grrr..
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I believe, austere, that her decision was instigated by her materialistic mother, who could clearly be seen to disapprove of the man from the beginning of the relationship.
@austere (2814)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
oh, that's really sad.. i just hope that she finds true love.. and he too.. i just cant understand why mothers would have that kind of influence to their children.. i understand that motehr would always want to look after their children's welfare but they should not do something like this..it's like putting their own daughter in a miserable kind of life.. sad..
@coolseeds (3921)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I wouldn't marry an idiot if they were rich. The fact that they were a moron would not allow me to pursue a relationship with them. The amount of money in their bank account is of no interest to my. But financial savvy is definitely important. I believe that credit corrupts. If someone wants something bad enough they will save and buy it with cash. The reason behind the engagement ring is to replace the dowry. The size of the diamond tells the female's family how well to do their daughter will be. So I wouldn't burn her at the stake for that one. Maybe she was accustomed to a certain lifestyle and wasn't willing to live below her means. However I do agree that she probably didn't love him.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I think, coolseeds, that if it was a question of a dowry, many successful marriages would never have been made. While I agree that money has its place in importance in a relationship, it still does not overrule the love and willingness to sacrifice.
@coolseeds (3921)
• United States
11 Oct 08
Of course it does not overrule the love and willingness to sacrifice. However some people are accustomed to certain lifestyle. That is why there is a wedding band that goes with the "dowry" engagement ring. This is something that is messed up that an 85 year old woman said to my girlfriend. "Marry for money. You can learn to love." Maybe when she was growing up she didn't have food because of the depression. Who knows, but it is an ignorant thing to say.
@Shar1979 (2723)
• United States
8 Oct 08
that's being materialistic and that's not love at all. my husband is not rich but i sure did marry him and will still do it over and over with him and only him
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I am reminded, Shar, of something my aunt used to often say: It is better to live in a one-room shack with love than in a mansion where there is continual strife. I believe that sums it all up.
@Shar1979 (2723)
• United States
8 Oct 08
your aunt is right and i sure do admire her for that. money sure is needed for everyday living but it will never make us completely happy
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
9 Oct 08
Well, the woman was just seeing the future. If she would decide to marry a man who is not financially sound, her dreams will not be fulfilled which I think more on material things. I would say, if you truly love a person, you will never exchange it with material things. She could have supported her fiance by giving him a big room for understanding his situation. In this situation, the woman doesn't love the man truly. She just love the money he could give. But since he become broke now, she would say good bye. Obviously, she will marry for money not for love.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Yes, Bebs, the money was obviously uppermost in her mind rather than true love.
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@checapricorn (16065)
• United States
9 Oct 08
[i]Hi wise, wow...I guess the man should be thankful that his situation now made him know this girl deeply! It's obvious that her love is conditional...Expensive ring and luxurious lifestyle made her choose this guy! SAd! ANyway, I am not into money since I believed, once we will work hard we can save and attain dreams that we have and if I will make money as the center of our relationship, for sure, we will not last long and after all, money can't make us happy![/i]
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@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Money -or the lack thereof -certainly can bring about a change in relationships, checapricorn! Love is the strongest foundation on which to build a marriage.
• India
9 Oct 08
i would simply try to develop my business next time. i wouldnt share love with that woman as she proved it that money is more important for her than love
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@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I must agree with you.
@jackiew (915)
• Canada
9 Oct 08
I have been with my partner for 17 years and we are far from rich-we get by month to month but we are happy-you can't buy love with money-It certainly would be nice to have both-love and money but i wouldn't give my partner up for any amount of money-
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
That is admirable, jackiew, because we all know that true love is eternal whereas attraction based upon material wealth is on shaky ground.
@clarkmy (428)
• China
9 Oct 08
hi ,my friend , your story waht you just mentioned really a thing that have a worth to discusing. and in the surface such the situation seems as a big choice between money and your life .and life always cannot debate the desinity.in the front of the destiny ,peole often difficult to choose the truth ,the ritht thing what consider as the purity.people often choose the thing that is consider is evil ,that relative with money ,or selfish ,,,, if i face such things ,i don't know i will choose what ,because i am only 21 years old ,i have the light consicious about the problem ,i just say i have learn that with relationship ,one people loves the other a little bit more,since i only date people who i love more .i've experiened the worst heartache ,tha man with money isn't always cold,sometimes he loves you a little more than you love himso which is your worst?plus money could provide a way for me to saty home with kids,give then more than what i had growing up,the best universities,a home in a safe neighborhood,eventually a place for parents and the biggest issue in a marriage is money, people fight all the time about not having enough ,if we have plenty to use the right things why not?
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I see nothing wrong with that, clarkmy, if it is agreed that money is the basis for your relationship.
• United States
9 Oct 08
i feel that opposites attract. I mean when there is someone with a lot of money maybe they are looking for that one person to spoil. and what if there is that unfortunate person without anything or any more. i mean they aren't going to not be around someone who wants to spend their time and money on them. it doesn't necessarily buy the commitment, it just tightens it.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Your scenario works just fine, looks, if the facts are laid out and agreed upon from the outset.
@pismeof (855)
• United States
9 Oct 08
Wise1,I think money has a great deal to do with womens'attraction to men. From personal experience I can tell you this is a fact.I was interacting with someone on line a while ago and thought we got along pretty well so began to make my interest known;We agreed to meet ,exchanged phone#s etc.. in the meantime while trying to coordinate our schedules for a meet my last message sent I purposely mentioned that I was destitute just to test the waters ...sure enough I never heard from this person again. Have you ever noticed an ugly guy with a young fox on his arm? I suspect it's not his charm that the woman is after LOL.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Exactly so, pismeof! What about all the old tigers with the sweet young things on their arms?You don't have to be a rocket scientist to know what the attraction is.
@lizard211 (240)
• United States
9 Oct 08
Ummm, if I used good financial standing as a requirement, I never would have gotten married!! And I am very glad I did. When my husband and I met, both of us were "poor" students. Both of us were doing a career change so were back in school. In the last two years, financially, we have done well. I do think having money as a requirement in deciding who to marry is shallow. Money is temporary - heck, look at the DOW!!
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
Yes, lizard, material things can fade away, but love will remain.
@suspenseful (40313)
• Canada
8 Oct 08
I remember that episode. She certainly was a loser, was she not? It is not that she was going to marry a man who said that he was rich and then found out he had lost his money gambling or playing the horses. If I had found that my husband was playing the horses, or do something like that, I would have broken off with him, but a business venture is something else and besides it would not have taken that man long to pool enough money to start another business. She just had to wait. Now he is probably engaged, no married to someone else, has a successful business and she is probably tearing her hair out and saying, "Why couldn't I wait? Why was I so selfish?"
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I am in total agreement with you, suspenseful. It spoke well of the man's character that he had taken on the responsibility of playing father to her daughter -something that many men would not have been able to do. Her mother was definitely steering her in the wrong direction here.
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
8 Oct 08
I believe in love and obviously that women dont love the guy but his money. It is so obvious that she is after only of the wealth and since the guy was broke she all of a sudden break up with him. If i were in that situation i would not cry for that person at all. He should be glad that he found out at a much earlier time who she really is before he commit the mistake of marrying her. I will never leave someone specially at times when he needed me the most.
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@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
You're absolutely right, belk. This man had taken on the responsibility of playing a father role to her child, yet she still could not find it in her heart to stick by his side during a bad spell.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
8 Oct 08
It never has played a role in my life for choosing a mate. However, it would be nice if you could meet someone who did not have alot of financial obligations and you both could live comfortably.
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@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I think we could all agree that having money makes for an easier life, stephcjh. However desirable it might be, though, I would not choose money over love.
@bbsr13 (4198)
• India
8 Oct 08
Hello! There are some ladies who love persons of older age. What for it is?Is it love?No it is not love in the true sense of the term.they love and marry such people only for their money because they know it better that if they marry the older people he will die soon and she will inherit the property.The lady in question is one amongst them Actually she had loved this man for his high profile and high income.When he suffered a loss in his business she refused to marry.It is inevitable.thanx.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
10 Oct 08
There was no big age difference in this case, bbsr, just her assigning priority to material things over love.
@goldeneagle (6774)
• United States
8 Oct 08
That is just being shallow. Sounds to me like she is a gold-digger willing to give it up to the highest bidder. Finances didn't figure into me getting with my wife. However, I do think finances are important. Knowing what I know now, it isn't about HOW MUCH money the person has, but rather HOW THEY MANAGE what the have that is important.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
8 Oct 08
She did indeed show how shallow some people can be, goldeneagle, and I think that in the end she will be the one to lose out. Sometimes it takes the efforts of two people working together in order to achieve the level of success to which they aspire.
@GardenGerty (118059)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I think your assessment of this situation is correct. I was never hung up on jewelry, and neither of my two husbands has been excessive with giving me jewelry, but I know that to each of them I was worth more than gold or diamonds, and that is why I felt really good about marrying each of them. I have been fortunate. I also know that each of them is very valuable as a person, and that went into my decision about marriage, more than financial figures.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
8 Oct 08
You're absolutely right, GG. I think what it must have taken for this man to stand there and be belittled by this woman and her mother even while he was professing how much he still loved her and wanted to marry her. People are too much focused on material things in this world and they miss out on what has real value.
@MsTickle (25050)
• Australia
16 Oct 08
They certainly don't figure for me...I sure wish I was more like the lady you mention. She set some high standards and she stuck to them. I don't see that as wrong. If I had married with my head instead of my heart I wouldn't be in the saddened circumstances I am now. I've made very poor choices in the name of love my friend.