Isn't it funny how we are independent yet everything relies on our parents?

United States
October 12, 2008 9:51pm CST
Ya know, I'm very peeved right now. Time and time again, I've been told that since I am 23 years old and live with my parents, their income is the deciding vote for everything. For example, I can't get Financial Aid for school because THEIR income is too high. I can't get assistance for health care because THEIR income is too high. But the funny part of all of it is how they trick you... I'm not sure if this is every state in the US or just Pennsylvania. Your parents are no longer responsible for your bills/needs after you turn 18 years old. If you are a student, your parent's can still use their health care for you up until you are 21 years old. So then let me ask you WHY...WHY is it that I can't get any help from our stupid Government when I need it? I'm up to my ears in debt and I'm only 23 years old and I NEED to get health care as soon as possible. I can't find a damned job out there that offers it anymore because the price is SO HIGH! The quotes I've been getting for health care are $180 a month and higher with $500 deductibles. I can't get the blood tests my doctor wants me to get, I can't get the ultrasound I need to get to find out what's going on with my body right now, I can't get prescription medicine, I can't keep up with my yearly OBGYN appointments, and I can't even keep up with normal checkups most of the time. My parents are NOT in any way assisting me so WHY...WHY do I need to rely on their income? I've surpassed the "independent" stage, what is the problem!?!!?!
4 people like this
9 responses
@rymebristol (1787)
• Philippines
13 Oct 08
what is the true meaning of being independent? anyone has their own perception regarding that matter. Independence can be a very strong personal thing! You have to decide how independent you want to be and what independence means to you. it doesn't always mean living alone and it's not just about where you live. Independence includes things like good decision-making skills and learning about all the areas in your life where you can take charge. Independence doesn't mean you have to be alone and make decisions by yourself. something that's really important to know is this: WE ARE ALL INTER-dependent! what does it mean? it means no one has to be on their own without any help or support. our ultimate goal should be interdependence. that means having the drive to tackle our goals alone, but also having the wisdom to ask for help when we need it.
@sedel1027 (17851)
• United States
13 Oct 08
For school, your key problem is that you are under 24 and not married. Plus I bet you never declared yourself as independent thereby not having to list your parents income. Same thing goes for your medical care. If you work, you should not have to include their income for your medical insurance. Also, most hospitals have some type of free or low cost income that only uses your income. You can get your Ob/GYN check ups for free of just a few buck, pills for a few cents every month.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Oct 08
See that is the funny thing too. I am not married before 24 years old and I do not have kids. If you are 19 with kids, you can get financial aid because someone else is depending on you...so to me it seems the message they want to give us is "hey, go have babies before you turn 24 so that you can actually receive some help from the government". So, I would have to irresponsibily get pregnant in order to have assistance to go to school. It's not fair! I'm trying to do the right thing and I can't becuase of the set backs with the cost of tuition being sky high. I can't complete the rest of my courses at Community College because I'm too far into my degree and those courses aren't available, so I'm stuck paying the high tuition if I decide to go back. Then, of course, without going back, I have no degree and I'll be stuck in the same spot as I am now where employers state "we can hire you but not for the starting pay we listed because you don't have a degree, regardless of the fact you've been doing this for 3 years and have real world experience, because we like useless book knowledge and an expensive piece of paper that says you can do it!" I've gone to Planned Parenthood and it's still $75 for a OBGYN visit for some reason, it's not like I make a lot of money. I can get an ultrasound at the hospital for a sliding scale fee, but in order to do that, I have to go to the Emergency Room which will set me back a few thousand dollars because of their "necessary" tests and procedures. It's backwards!
@sedel1027 (17851)
• United States
13 Oct 08
If you go and declare yourself an independent then you won't have those problem with school though hon. That should have been taught to you back in high school when you financial aid journey began (or at least that is where I learned about it).
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Oct 08
In NJ, where I went to school, you could only declare yourself independent if there were extreme circumstances, like abuse. I remember, because my sister tried to claim abuse to get independent status, and the cops came to our house!
1 person likes this
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
13 Oct 08
Im 23...I havent lived with my parents since I was about 15, but had to use them for most everything financially because I wasnt able to get anything (Like a house to live in, credit...anything put into my own name) Which SUCKED, since we didnt get along...my parents and I. Because my parents werent legaly responsible for me when I graduated (I was 18) and wasnt living with them I was able to get everythign I needed. But a friend of mine DID live with her parents still and she didn't have to claim their finances. She worked a full time job and used that only. I am in Missouri...so maybe things are different here...IDK...but your parents shouldnt be financially responsible for anything of yours. I do know that my friend had to show that she was financially responsible for herself. Like showing proof that she was the one paying her own bills, and all of that good stuff.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Oct 08
See I tried to fill out FAFSA and claim myself as independent but it wouldn't work without either being pregnant, already having a child, or being married. I even lived away from home in my own apartment for a while and it did not matter. It's so confusing!
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
14 Oct 08
WOW! I would definatly say that Missouri is different then. I got FAFSA and I had no kids, no husband and wasnt pregnant. LOL I do know it is easier for single young mothers to get just about any help they want. Which doesnt make a whole lot of since to me.
1 person likes this
@goldeneagle (6774)
• United States
13 Oct 08
The government looks for any reason they can find NOT to help you when you need it. If you even try to help yourself at all, you can forget about the government helping you. That is essentially what they are telling you when they set those income limits for government assistance. I can't get disability benefits, even thought I have a physical handicap I have lived with since birth that is progressively getting worse, because my wife and I make too much money. I can't work jobs that require hard manual labor. I can't do anything that requires standing or walking for a long period of time. I can't do a lot of lifting or carrying things. All these limitations narrow down the types of work I can do, yet I can't get disability. The only way I can get it would be to stop working all together, but I can't afford to do that because we have a mortgage and other bills to pay. I went to school to try to better myself, but the career I had was lost due to mistakes I made, so now I am back where I started from. I am stuck working in a restaurant for low wages. I have to try to stand up and walk all night at work, so I am usually hurting so bad at night when I get home and first thing in the morning that I can barely walk. I have pretty much given up on trying to get disability. I am debating with trying to get a lawyer to help me get the benefits, but I am not even sure I could get it if I got a lawyer. Sadly, this is the situation we face. The credit card companies have young people right where they want us. We are locked into high-interest credit card debt, and the companies know that most people can't make it these days without using credit cards, so they keep sending out the offer, and people keep getting deeper and deeper in the hole. People are being laid off due to the state of the economy, so they will likely be unable to pay the credit card payments and other bills. Eventually, the card companies will be charging them not only a late fee each month, but an over-the-limit fee as well. People can't afford health insurance, and can't afford to go to the doctor. Most decent companies are in hiring freezes. It is not likely to get better any time soon. The bottom line is that the government does not want to help you, me, or other people like us. Our government has a habit of rewarding laziness and lack of ambition. Those of us who try to better ourselves or our situation are pretty much on our own.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Oct 08
goldeneagle, you definitely should talk to a lawyer that specializes in disability. They usually work on a contingency basis, so they only get paid if they are successful in getting disability for you. So that means that an experienced lawyer, who specializes in disability will know when s/he meets with you if it is a case s/he is likely to win for you, and if they don't think so, they will tell you no.
• United States
13 Oct 08
I think I can get in touch with the lawyer that helped my brother-in-law recently. I am to the point that I don't know what else to do. I have been thinking about trying to get a lawyer for a couple of weeks now. I feel helpless. I am working all the hours the restaurant can give me trying to pay my bills, and I am suffering for it during my off-time. I could barely walk when I got up this morning, and every step I took felt like someone was cutting my foot off. I am applying for any job that I think I can do, but I am not having any luck in my search. I will try to get in touch with that lawyer and see if they can help me.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Oct 08
I'm sorry. You are in a lousy position. Honestly it sounds like you might need to move out of Pennsylvania. I know when I was in your same position, my dad's company covered my health care until I was 21 so long as I was taking a full course load, but maybe you need to move to another state where you can get a job and find a super cheap apartment, then the government will have to give you some financial aid. Also, I know it sounds cliche but there are a lot of scholarships out there to be had. I know you can buy a program for your computer that allows you access to a database of nearly every scholarship that is available. I think the program costs like 30 or 40 bucks. Again I'm sorry for your situation. I know it sucks. Hang in there and try not to get discouraged. Best of luck to you!
1 person likes this
@mimico (3618)
• Philippines
14 Oct 08
Parent will always have a hold over their children because they have more money. i thought about this already before. I can't stay away from my parents because they pay for everything. If they kicked me out of the house and refused to give me a single cent then I'll be doomed for sure. We just have to rely on them for a long time. Even when you're financially stable already, you still need your parents for advice and "mothering." Although I hope to be richer than them by the time I reach 30.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Oct 08
Well, I do not know about the US, but here in India, such programs exist, but very few people take use of it. Another thing that is wrong is that they give aids based on caste, rather than financial conditions. It's kinda sick because we as students can't even take a loan because we have to put up something as a leverage for them to give us loans. We are working hard, studying day and night to get something for ourselves, and they want us to give something in leverage to get money for that education, which is completely confusing. I'm so lucky that I'm born in a middle class family and my parents have been kind enough to give me education and make me independent enough for now. It so happens that the laws are very confusing and rather than helping its citizens, it cause more troubles. bourne
1 person likes this
@soooobored (1187)
• United States
13 Oct 08
It sucks, I went through it, too. My financial aid paid my tuition, and then the left over balance I always used towards my apartment's rent. Get this, one year my father filed for an extension on his taxes (perfectly legal). Well the school couldn't process my financial aid without his tax information! I worked with the financial aid counselor for months, finally they created a grant to cover my expenses (they made it for the same amount I had been awarded the previous year) and then the financial aid just reimbursed the grant. Thank god, it was my last semester, I may never have finished college without it! You're almost at 24, aren't you? Maybe it will be easier to just wait until you can be considered without your parents?
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
13 Oct 08
It is that way around here as well. When my daughter lived with me after she turned 18 and was out of highschool, she also could not get any insurance or help. Being a single mom, I really didn't help her out all that much. She did pay a small amount of room and board but other than that, she provided for herself. I did not claim her as a dependent on my taxes so I really didn't understand it. I think maybe they consider the fact that most kids living at home are not paying costly rents, utility and fuel bills. They probably figure that the ones that are juggling school, part-time jobs, rent,heat,electric bills are more needy. I don't know,really.
1 person likes this