Banned from the computer

@1grnthmb (2063)
United States
November 15, 2008 3:45pm CST
Our Youngest daughter is very social She likes to go on to MySpace and Giai and just hang out and chat with her friends. We told her it was all right as long as she only chatted with people that she know (and we knew). She has been really good for the last six months but on Friday I found her chatting with some one who I did not recognize. I asked her who she was chatting with and she just said "some guy" I asked again who the person was and she just responded back "it is some guy from Minnesota" I looked at her and said "Are you supposed to be chatting with people that you do not know. She answered "No". So I asked how long she had been chatting with the person and she said "for a couple of weeks". I asked why and she said "Because he asked me to chat with him". This just threw out the red flag made me and my wife blow up. She got kicked off the computer and is now banned from using any social sites and I have installed parental control on the kids computer. We explained to her that we had that rule because there are just to many perverts out their and they use social site like she was on tho lure the children to them. We had explained this to her before on more then one occasion. We have a friend who lets their daughter do what ever she wants on the computer and she has gotten into so much trouble by doing so. She has even run away and was found with some old man who said he was just trying to help her. We do not want our children to be a statistic in this world. We want them to remain Innocent and free to express themselves. But we also want to protect them and keep them form getting in trouble. Are we being to extreme and cautious? Is it right for us to restrict a child use of a computer? Do you watch what your children are doing on their computers?
11 people like this
27 responses
@Barbietre (1439)
• United States
15 Nov 08
No you have every right to do this. Unless she is over 18 she is under your control and subject to your rules. And it is not as if you sent her to her room, you are just protecting her. My sister in law lets her teen drink and no matter how supervised she is doing this, she will do it behind their back also because they condone it at home. Too many parents have a blind eye to what their children are doing.
3 people like this
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Thank yuo Barbie, We try to be good parents and keep control over what the kids do. Some time we feel that we are being to controlling but it is for their own safety. We do not worry at all about the older two children. They always follow the rules. But the youngest one seems to want to do her on thing no matter what the consequences. We worry about her more then the other two. She is also very social while the other to are not so much so this causes more concern.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Nov 08
I think you better parents than the ones that let their kids go and do whatever they want online. Unfortunately the internet is a dangerour place. You have to do what you feel is best to protect your child.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Thank you.
1 person likes this
@ZephyrSun (7382)
• United States
15 Nov 08
I am super strict with our children on the computer. We have blocked all websites that we thought would be bad for them. I check the history on the computer that they use. They are also not allowed to use the computer unless they are in the same area that we are in. We only have laptops so it makes it much easier. I'm sure that my children really hate us for it but we don't even allow an instant messenger on the computer.
2 people like this
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
16 Nov 08
We also do not allow the instant messenger. And the computer is in the family room where we normal are. But some time we just do not pay attention. Now I know better.
1 person likes this
@ZephyrSun (7382)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Yeah it always stinks when we have to learn the hard way. That's why we learned to block certain websites lol
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Well i think that was extremely harsh, you probably should have enforced a sort of time limit instead. Why? Because she was honest with you and might take it as a lesson in her own mind that next time she should lie. Tell her that you did this because you are worried about her and love her. Do an experiment with her. Open a chat window, have your wife or someone you know in the family to help out with this little experiment. Let them pretend to be someone else and just chat with them under that pretense. Later after a set time end the chat session and ask her. What does she know about the person (clearly you don't let her know that it's a set up lol) listen to her and say ok. Explain to her who that person really was, not some 18 year old if for example a brother or sister of yours helped out. Let her speak to the person so she gets a full grasp of the situation. It is easy for us to lecture about not knowing who is on the other side of a screen to a child. It is another story however to get them to believe it. A cousin of mine did this and lets just say their little girl has respect for the internet. You want her to feel that even if she repeated this action and did get uncomfortable that she wont be PUNISHED for coming to you rather rewarded for being honest when a lie would be so much easier. Lets say someone asked her for your home address or told her to meet somewhere... wouldn't you want to know this psycho? At least you can ensure her safety if she feels that mom and dad will hold her responsible for breaking a rule but will not punish her for being honest.
1 person likes this
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
16 Nov 08
The thing is that it has always been a rule and one that she is reminded of each time she goes on the internet. We are proud of her and we told her so that she did not lie about it. She well eventually be allowed to go back on the computer. Groundings here seem to only last a week because my wife seems to always give in (but I have been guilty also) But she is going to have a new email account. On set up with our ISP and it has parental control set up on it. One that I well know every person she emails and each site she visits. It is like a four year old. But then she does have mental problems and is probably at that level ( well maybe the level of an eight year old).
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
16 Nov 08
ahh i see... but since you are doing that you are trying to remedy the situation which is good ;) best of luck to you.. yeah my parents were always lax with the grounding when it came to my brother lol... youngest and the only boy so imagine how spoiled! =P it irritated me and my sister since grounded always meant grounded for us =P
• United States
25 Nov 08
One day I was in the living room with my children and one of my son's was on the computer. I heard music coming from the computer and so I decided to take a look to see what he was doing. I saw someone dancing but then all of a sudden......a saw someone's butt. I got up and went closer to the computer and come to find out that someone had sent my son a video message of a gay boy dancing. I was infuriated and yes, it was myspace. I sent that person such a message that he or she would've thought twice about sending videos like that to anyone else. We are supposed to watch what they are doing because like you said, there are just too many perverted humans in the world who's pleasure is little children. We are only looking out for our children's best interest but of course they think we are the worst people on earth sometimes. Keep up the good work and God Bless!
1 person likes this
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
4 Dec 08
It is surprising what people send or post and think is appropriate. You are lucky that you were there when your son got that. There really are to many perverts on the internet.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84201)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Nov 08
I don't think you overreacted. She broke a rule and who knows who that could have been on the other end. My kids are a bit young yet but my 11 year old is showing interest in setting up a blog and I think she's a bit too young.
1 person likes this
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
25 Nov 08
I agree that 11 is to young. We just started this year letting the kids go on the internet sites like myspace. Before the only time they could go on the internet was to do homework or play webkinz. But when the yongest turned 14 she begged to be allowed to go on myspace. So my wife and I discussed it and finally gave in. It only took four months before she broke the rules that we set for her. What is funny is that the twins follow the rules to a tee and they are 16 and you would think more apt to do something to protest. But they are good kids..
2 people like this
• United States
15 Nov 08
I just had to block myspace on all of our computers. our teens are just spending too much time on it and not doing homework. since it started becoming a problem i blocked it. I will also time their computer usage. I do not think that is too strict. They are your kids and you only want what is best for them.
1 person likes this
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Thank you. You know. I hate myspace. Ever since my wife decide that it was all right for our youngest to have a myspace page she has been awful. I am glad to see some one else not liking it also. We always made sure they had their homework done before they can go on the computer any way. Proof is in the school reports. The youngest gets a weekly progress report. The older two we can see by going on Pinnacle which is where the teachers post the children's current grades. Any missing assignments means a week being grounded form games and the computer.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
I think it is your responsibility to do so in an effort to protect your daughter. Kids don't need privacy where their Internet usage is concerned. They can have privacy later in life. At this age, chatting with someone claiming to be "a boy" could, indeed, be dangerous.
1 person likes this
@royal52gens (5380)
• United States
16 Nov 08
It is your house, your computer, your electricity, your rules. It is her priviledge to use your items. She broke the rules and now must suffer the consequences of her actions. It is important for our children to learn to follow rules and to learn self-discipline. Some day they will run our world. What they learn from their parents now will make a difference. Stay Safe, Stand Strong in your Beliefs. Royal Mom
@mindym (979)
• United States
16 Nov 08
I posted a response too, but I also agree with you. When I was a teenager, I would be so mad if I wasn't allowed to do something that I wanted or if I got in trouble for something. But now I am very grateful that my parents actually did their job as parents. This helped me to learn responsibility for my actions.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Thank you. They are rules to protect her. She just did not understand that she need protected. I have read her some of the comments made here and it has really opened her eyes that the internet is not a place were she can do what ever she wants.
@mindym (979)
• United States
16 Nov 08
oops ~ typo in my first response---"got in trouble for something" should also say "got into trouble for something that I should have not been doing, so I basically got caught doing something I should not have been doing."
• United States
16 Nov 08
My daughter is only 8 years old and has just begun to chat on online communities. Right now she loves Barbie online and Epets. She speaks with other young girls on the website. It's pretty innocent right now, especially since most of the chat is scripted for them. However, I have already laid the ground rules for what's to come. She knows that she is not allowed to input her email, or join any other online communities with out my permission. She also knows that she isn't allowed to chat unless I'm present. I've tried to explain and demonstrate the value of trust in my daughter. My goal is for her to understand that if you're trusted, you have more privileges. If you abuse the trust, you loose them! It's simple. Your daughter abused a privilege and it was revoked. If more parents did what you did, we would probably have a lot less incidents in the U.S. Way to go Mom!
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
It is good to here from another good parent. You basically have done what we did in the past. Keep it up and as she gets older keep tabs on her still. We believe in know what or children are doing. To many parents don't.
• United States
18 Nov 08
Thanks for your comment! It's nice to know that I'm heading down the right path. She's our only child, so I hope I'm doing everything right. I only get one shot!
@katsmeow1213 (28895)
• United States
16 Nov 08
I think you may be over reacting just a tiny little bit. I probably would have grounded her from the computer for a bit, but not banned indefinitly. But I do applaud you for being cautious. I can't believe all the young kids who have their pics posted all over the internet, most of which don't look like young kids. I think some parents do need to monitor their children a bit more. When my son gets on the computer he has a set list of sites he can go to, usually he goes to ESPN to check out some scores, then he might go to Pogo to play sports games. Or he'll go to a website the school gave him to do some homework or studying or research. He has yet to get into the socializing networks. If he does get into them, I will have his password so I can go in and check on what he's doing and who his friends are.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
Actually she was just grounded. She was not banned indefinitely but for a period of time. She had rules to follow and she broke the rule. Not an hour before when she went on the computer my wife told her not to chat with people she did not know. It is said every time she asks to use the computer. Try to keep your son away from the social networking site as long as you can and when he does (age thirteen is myspace's restriction) then keep his sign in and password and keep tabs on what he is doing. I installed parental control on the girls computer so I well know what she is doing. Unfortunately it is very easy to get around the parental control simply by logging in anonymous instead of using their accounts. I well not tell them that and hope they do not figure it out. AT&T needs to figure out how to make it on the whole computer not just their browser.
• United States
17 Nov 08
My computer does not have seperate identities, it always logs in as the same user. But we only have the 2 puters in the house, so whatever sites he gets on, I can see.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
16 Nov 08
I don't blame you a bit. I did that with my daughter also. When I did let her back on, I was in her friends and I would periodically check on her. I also had a fake account of a young man. I was amazed at how many of her friends were quick to be my friend...it was a bit scary, really. I was proud because I did try a few times off and on to be her friend posed as the guy and she refused because she didn't know who he was and even tho she could see that several of her friends were friends with him. I also made her set her myspace to "private". Because of this other persona, I was able to keep an eye on her friends as well. I am just amazed at the parents who don't pay attention to this sort of thing.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
Good for you Sid, You are also a good parent. We also have her Myspace page private and she really does only chat with people that she knows their. And my wife also goes to her page and signs on through he signin and checks it every day. So when she is off being grounded she well be able to go back their. But the other site is what I am the most worried about. It is her favorite site but what I have seen there it is really inapropriate. It is like a big group of people talking together as their avatar. Anyone can look in on your conversation and their is no privacy. Her and her friends often had people who would just come up to them and start talking to them. They had no idea who the were but they would talk away to them. So I really do not think that she well be allowed back onto that site. She Now understands a lot more then she did. I think this grounding has been good for her. I just hope it sticks.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
18 Nov 08
I don't know about that site but I would ban her from it and check the history regularly to make sure that she isn't going on it. Thing is, they can get on the forbidden sites from friends homes so hopefully she "gets it" as to how unsafe it is. Best of luck to you on this. Sounds as if you are on top of things anyway which is a good thing. Many parents are clueless as to what their kids are doing on-line. I saw one kid on myspace that I was a bit concerned about and I spoke to his mom about it. She was shocked. She thought it was a safe place and that she did not have to worry. It can be a safe site and it can also be quite dangerous. It's important for parents to be involved.
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
17 Nov 08
Yes we do. We have parental control on the computer and we go to myspace to see what they are up to and with whom they are up to it with. They think we are being silly but better they think we are silly and have them home safe than "cool" and not have any idea where they are or who they are with. My 1`3y/o was calling a girl in California he met on myspace. I attempted to call her Mother to let her know what they were up to but apparently the cell-phone no. my son has is the child's (if it is a child) phone and I never could get in touch with the girls Mother. Since then even though my son thinks we don't trust him (which i don't because he is 13) we still watch what they both (my 12y/o) do, even closer than before because it is dangerous. They are going to just have to live with us watching them and we are going to have to live with them being irritated about it! That is the role of parents and children. After all if they aren't irritated about something we aren't doing our job.LOL
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
25 Nov 08
Well said. The kids think it is just a trust issue when in reality it is a safety issue. It is better safe then sorry.
@Erssyl (617)
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
It is really our obligation to watch over our children especially the young ones.Being too loose on whatever they want to do in front of computers can make or brake them in the future.Luring men take advantage of young woman is not just a hearsay .It is true.So if we love our children we should watch over them.Banning them can make them more eager to violate your rules. you should always be on the watch over them.It will not take a life time watching on their every moves while they are only young and they don't really know what they are doing.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
25 Nov 08
Thank you. I find it interesting how you said banning them makes them break other rules. It seems like they would learn that if they break the rules and have a privilege removed from them that they would straighten up to get it back. Our oldest two fall in this category. While the youngest is more rebellious and always seems to be breaking the rules.
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
16 Nov 08
No Mark you are not as I would have reacted the same way Lucky for me my Children, mainly the Daughter never went to that extend, but she never used to be much on the Computer and still isn't I hope that Jenny understands why you are so angry and see's her error and what could have or can happen
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
It is Becky that did this. Jenny is very trustworthy when it comes to something like this. The response I have received her have been read to her and she now seems to understand why we made the rule in the first place. We all want or children to be innocent and she is along with being very naive. Hopeful she learned a lesson and well eventually get her privilege back but she is going to the restricted as to what sites she can go to.
@Zezloler (497)
• United Arab Emirates
16 Nov 08
I believe that you did the right thing. It's enlightening to see that there are some people out there who are aware of the dangers of social networking sites and take cautions with their children to prevent them from getting into trouble. Many parents don't take care to control their children's activity on the Internet, despite regular warnings of the potential threats, to anyone, but especially to children. I have an experience as a child of my parents. A few months ago, I also started talking to many people I did not know. I believe I'm mature enough to make the right decisions and recognize danger when I see it, but my parents, although did not completely ban be from the computer, made sure that I wouldn't be occupied with talking to complete strangers all the time and that I took extra care. Back then, I interpreted these actions as an invasion of my privacy, but now, a few months later, after my Internet phase has worn off a bit, I realize that they have been acting as good parents rather than unfair ones. I completely support your decision, especially as you know someone who has had problems with this, and know what kinds of horrible things can happen out there. Sadly, there may be predators lurking for innocent people at every corner and no matter what course of action you take, know that you can never be too cautious. Your daughter may not be happy with your choice, but I believe that she'll appreciate it in the long run. =)
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
I am glad that you understand that your parents are protecting you as I am doing with my daughter. She well have her privilege returned when she can prove that she well do right.
@Destiny007 (5819)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Not only is it right to supervise and restrict your child's use of the computer, it is your responsibility as the parent. I keep hearing this garbage about children's rights, and the way I see it... as long as the parent is legally responsible for the care and actions of their kids, then the children have no rights while they are under your care. Not only should you be monitoring their computer use, you should also be monitoring the crap they watch on TV, and the indoctrination programs of the school. The responsibility for your children is yours alone, no matter what claims the state might try to make.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
To me, the only rights children have is to obey their parents. Then all well be good. Thank you for what you said.
@bmk188 (55)
• United States
16 Nov 08
You are absolutely not being too extreme. You have every right to say how she uses the computer. You have an obligation as a parent to protect your children from the predators the lurk on the internet. There are task forces and such dedicated to catching online predators. You are doing exactly what you should do, and I commend your efforts.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
Very well said, Thank You.
@mengrufa (239)
• China
16 Nov 08
Computers have two sides just as a sword has two side. In mordern times, our life will not be so easy if there no computers.Computers have become part of our life.But they also give rise to the social and family problems. there are computer crimes and more and more children addicted to playing computer games which may ruin their future, what's more,it will do harm to their health. we shouldn't be banned from computer, what we should do is to educate publize to make full use of computers.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
Good points. But if they are educated and instructed and then break the rules they need to be punished.
@gemini_rose (16268)
16 Nov 08
No I think you did the right thing, even though she might not just yet! I think for children the internet is a really dangerous place. I have a son who is 8 years old and in school he has just started to use the internet and I have told him the types of people he could meet on there. I personally am not too happy about him being introduced to the internet at 8 but it is part of their school work but I will not be allowing him on the internet at home for a while yet until I am sure he is aware of the dangers. Although that will not make a difference, but I will be watching what he does.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
17 Nov 08
I Loved it when my kids were that age. They sat right with me as they did their searches for school. Everything they did was supervised and they did not mind because they liked being with me. Now they are teenagers and hate having a parent watching them or being at their side when they are on the internet. It is sad to see them grow up and I worry more about them because they want to be idependent and uncontrolled. But their still has to be rules even if they do not like them. Enjoy your son while he is little.