to stop giving money to my father?

@sophialin (2678)
China
November 16, 2008 4:57am CST
How can i do? I started to give my father rmb 500 every month since I joined work. It never stay but recently i learn that my father is addicted to gamble and lost all the money I give to him every month. How can i do? should i give him money every month as befor and let him lost all then or I keep giving money to him but regardless how he uses them? what do you think of it?
18 people like this
70 responses
@ElicBxn (61149)
• United States
16 Nov 08
so long as he is paying all his bills BEFORE he gambles it away then keep up what you are doing now. If you fear he isn't paying bills, then take the money, pay the bills and give him the receipts totally the $500.
4 people like this
16 Nov 08
I was going to write a suggestion, but ElicBxn's idea is much better! That way he's safe from trouble without you needing to decide whether to intervene in your father's habits (which is very difficult, after all). Excellent advice.
4 people like this
@ellie333 (21018)
16 Nov 08
Hi I also think the ElicBxn suggestion is a great idea. Hope he manages to get help for his gambling addiction. Huggles. Ellie :D
3 people like this
@ElicBxn (61149)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Why, thank ya Spike!
3 people like this
@yagi7uda (112)
• Philippines
16 Nov 08
so hard. this is what i think yes i know that is hard to stop giving money to your father because they will get mad at you. right? but if you love your father you must do anything to stop his addiction in gambling. and to do that stop giving him money. take the risk that your father will get mad at you this is just your concern goodluck godbless
3 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
17 Nov 08
I agree with you, yagi. He will probably get mad but, if he is forced to stop gambling, eventually he will see that it was for the best and, hopefully, will thank Sophia for forcing him to stop gambling. I also like response number 1 above, but if this man is managing to pay his bills now (he obviously is since he's still around... he's eating and has shelter) he doesn't need this $500.00 a month for his bills.
• Romania
16 Nov 08
I'm sorry for you. You could either stop cold-turkey (by not giving him any, period) or by reducing the ammount every month. Give him 350 next time, 300 the next month and so on. Blame it on something at work. He won't stop as long as you give him money, that's for sure... :(
3 people like this
@sophialin (2678)
• China
23 Nov 08
THanks for your reminder,cypresstwist.I'm also sure that he won't stop gambling as long as i give him money. but if i decrease the money month by month and finally nothing,i'm afraid it's a little inhumane fo my father who is an old man without work,isn't it?
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
16 Nov 08
sophialin, In the first place, your dad has every right to do whatever he wants with the allowance you have given him. He may have a gambling problem but that does not mean stopping his allowance will be able to change his habit and addiction here. You will need to talk with him and see if his compulsion to gamble could be reduced over time. If he is being too compulsive, then by all means seek out a professional counselor. If the money is for certain household expense, then perhaps you can give your dad an amount after deducting the necessary. Or, you may want to give it to your mother instead. Take care.
@sophialin (2678)
• China
23 Nov 08
hi skysuccess,i know what you said is totally right, my father has every right to do whatever he wants with the money,as they are owned by him since i have given it to him,but as a common person,especially a not rich person,i can't persuade myself not mind what he is doing,that's to loose out all that money i give him by gambling. I wish him to use them in fruit,food and other necessaries in life.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
23 Nov 08
sophialin, I think as a daughter you can always say what is on your mind to your dad and ask that he be less careless with "his' monies. If, you find out that it is an addiction then you will need to seek out professional assistance. So, hope that all will be fine eventually with your family.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
16 Nov 08
Why not instead of giving him the money, you keep it for him and spend it with the things that your father actually needs. If he asks for money, you just give him enough that is tolerable to be lost in gambling and say that things just started to get difficult, difficult being your father's addiction with gambling, so you aren't really lying to him, right?
• Israel
16 Nov 08
I wouldn't give him one cent if he gambles. I'd tell him that too. Instead I'd bring sacks of food.
2 people like this
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
I agree with both of you.Cheers!
2 people like this
@littleowl (7157)
16 Nov 08
Hello sophia,,what a shame..you will have to be cruel to be kind and stop giving your grandfather any money, tell him you won't as he is wasting good hard earned money after bad money in gambling and that is not what you give him the money for...it is hard but he has to learn a leasson and by you giving him a short sharp knock might helpp...but also believe me once a gambler always a gambler and he will find the money to gamble with or without your money...I should know as my step-father was a gambler...dont give your grandfather any more money...littleowl
2 people like this
@metschica25 (5405)
• United States
16 Nov 08
HI , This is a hard one to answer . i have and sometimes even now will help support my parents . If you do have the money you can still help him by just paying his bills and what needs to be paid and bought , and then from there give him 100 to spend which way he likes . if he keeps it up he will get in trouble or in to deep with the gambling .
@kun2349 (23464)
• Singapore
16 Nov 08
As long as he dun gamble it all away, and cause any trouble for the family, it will be just fine.. MAybe that's the only way to pass his time when he's bored.. ANd for gambling, once one starts, it's hard to stop.. So it all depends on his determination.. ANd maybe what u can do is to separate out the 500, giving him abit week by week.. Hopefully, that should curb his habits..
2 people like this
• Philippines
16 Nov 08
I think this is a serious matter. You have to talk to him NICELY and not to blame him of what he is doing. For sure he needs money for bills, foods, and other necessities. so If you stop giving him money, then he will not have something for his needs. Maybe you can just give him foods for the whole month or buy him food every week, pay his bills, give him small amount for his emegency needs or even "gambling" dont give him too much as you did before.. :)
2 people like this
@bbsr13 (4198)
• India
16 Nov 08
Hello,Sophia! It is your hard earned money and you should not allow misutilise by anybody.Spending on gambling is a sin.If your father does not realise this you must stop paying him money every month.Instead you pay the bills direct and purchase the required groceries for him for his maintenance.This is the only solution to your problem.thanx.
@MsCYPRAH (397)
16 Nov 08
What a sad story. I feel it for you. I think you should give him exactly half of it for him to do as he pleases and save the other half in a separate account for when he might really need it. Money should not be given, like love, with conditions. Once you give it to him, it is up to him how he uses it. Obviously, gambling is an awful way to spend money, and he clearly has a problem. However, it is not your place to dictate his life. You can only give him as much love as possible, help him as practically as possible, point him towards some rehabiliation, gently, and keep your fingers crossed. Don't judge him, don't nag him and don't stop the money if you can afford it. Otherwise, he might even do something worse to get that money which might live on your conscience forever. By reducing the money, he will have less to spend, but at least it will be building up somewhere else in case of emergencies. You sound like a very caring person and it will be a very trying time as you cannot control his life. But the answers will fall into place at sometime, just be there for him in your own way.
@bat85823 (22)
• China
12 Aug 09
I think if I were you,I will continue to give my dad money.because giving his money is my piety thing,and gambling is his freedom.he is happy then is ok.
1 person likes this
@freda529 (136)
• China
18 Nov 08
Well,just give him the stuff he needs instead of money.Whatever he wants,you can buy for him if it's reasonable,but don't give him money.Gambler can't control themselves.You should force to correct him.btw,sorry for your misfortune.
1 person likes this
@bestboy19 (5481)
• United States
18 Nov 08
Why are you giving him the money?
1 person likes this
@veejay19 (3590)
• India
17 Nov 08
How old is your father? Has he retired from his job or is he too old to work now? If your dad is addicted to gambling you should not give him so much money but only enough for his needs and see that he uses it only for what he needs. I think it is better to have a long talk with your father and explain to him that what he is doing is wrong and also tell him that he is wasting your hard earned money which is rightfully yours as you will need it for your own future. If he still does not listen to reason you will have to be very strict and not give him anything until and unless he promises not to waste it. Good Luck.
1 person likes this
@blonneth (11)
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
hi sophialin...dont stop giving money to your father,,just give him lower than 500..for him to think that the money you gave to him is just for all his need for his own everyday living...or just give him his all he need in his living and a money lower than 500...have a nice day...godspeed
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Nov 08
No. Stop giving him money until he b=can get some help for his gambling.There is a website that may help. it is gamblersanonymous.org. They can help you help your dad. When he is better, then start giving him the money again.
1 person likes this
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
16 Nov 08
I am hoping that your father is just enjoying his life now. But gambling is not correct. If he is addicted to that, he needed to stop. If he doesnt have money, then he'll stop . I suggest, dont give him money anymore, buy him the things he needs. Like food, medicines (if needs that), toiletries etc.
1 person likes this
@nimnim74 (251)
• Philippines
16 Nov 08
I rather suggest that you still give him but not in monetary form but in kind like groceries or the things that he likes and needed, Almost the same with my mom I gave her money every month but I don't like how she spends it so now I just give her gift check for the groceries.
1 person likes this
@smartie0317 (1612)
• United States
16 Nov 08
I would not give him the money. I'd either store it for later or buy him food, give him rent money, or something. Mske sure he's paying his bills. Gamblers can't control themselves.
1 person likes this