All Buttoned Up!

@p1kef1sh (45638)
December 1, 2008 3:31pm CST
I love my wife who is better known to many of us here as The Boss. I willingly acknowledge that she does nothing at all to hurt or upset me and I feel a little guilty even bringing this matter up. Earlier this week she did a pile of washing - something that is normally my job, but she has had an attack of domesticity and I for one, did not seek to discourage her in this. Please excuse my indelicacy, but I wear boxer shorts and it is her wont to button the fly of these where buttons exist as it makes them "neater". Imagine of you will a vision of me speeding along the Highway earlier today conscious that very soon I should require the relieving facilities of a Gentlemen's convenience. The miles passed but no facility appeared. Desperation was rising in the P1kemobile. There comes a time when relief is all that you can focus on, and I was no exception. At length, and not before time. A service stop hove into view. Monday is supposed to be a quiet day, not today! I had to park so far from the facilities that I seriously wondered that I might be being tested for the English Athletics Team. However, I reached my destination finally, and ladies please pardon my indelicacy again, but never has a zipper been unzipped with greater pleasure. To my horror though, I had one final obstacle. My delicately buttoned boxer shorts so lovingly fixed my darling wife. My hand plunged in and fumbled about in what, to the untutored observer, must have been the prelude to a most obscene act. My face reddened as I realised that this wasn't going to be an easy job. Just how many buttons does it take to close a boxer short fly for goodness sake?! By now the pressure on my bladder was such that a very unpleasant and potentially embarrassing accident was imminent. Faster and with greater effort I fumbled, visions of meeting up with George Michael in the local cop shop crossed my mind. But that was a risk that had to be borne. A final tug, the final button was released, and victory was mine. Relieved at last I zipped myself up again and washed my hands! I neglected to re-button my boxers. I didn't know when I might need raid access again. I must remember to check on tomorrow's pair. Have you ever had trouble getting access to your body in the face of seemingly insuperable obstacles?
11 people like this
27 responses
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
1 Dec 08
I applaud you on a well written, I sure it was not meant to be funny, but it was a funny post. I have he visual in front of me Ny husband gets bothered because after I do the laundry, I will button and zip his jeans, and hang the shirts up buttoned. I know how you must have felt. Some of us women may wear the body shapers, which are really tight, I once had to use the facilities too, and waited to the last minute and had to really struggle to get my body shaper briefs down. My experience was no where near what yours was, but I can feel your pain
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
1 Dec 08
LOL. My tale wasn't supposed to be entirely serious, although it is entirely truthful. I remember those body shaper things and tops that has crutch straps to ensure that the top didn't wrinkle. My wife has several of those. Awful trying to get out of those in a hurry I'm sure.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Dec 08
*LMBO* I know this sounds overly simplified in the face of your situation, but why didn't you just pull your boxers down? I cannot be as delicate in recanting my misadventures with clothing in such situations, so I won't even go there, not today, anyway*L*
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
1 Dec 08
I had one hand buried in the front of my trousers. Undoing my belt and dropping my trousers might have appeared a tad suspicious! Standing in front of a row of urinals is not really my idea of a fun place to drop my trousers and underpants anyway. LOL. I could have gone to a cubicle of course, but by then I was very close to an unplanned for accident and the final few steps might just have taken me over the edge!!
2 people like this
• United States
1 Dec 08
Ok, so being female, it just made more sense to me than trying to unbutton those little buttons which are really rather useless on underwear, anyway.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
1 Dec 08
Your suggestion took me back to the days when I was a boy and that was the usual manner of dealing with such situations. Of course women don't have these problems, at least not quite so publicly, locked in your little cubicles. Maybe I should learn to sit down to pee again. I thought that I'd finished with that about 45 years ago!!
2 people like this
@LittleMel (14036)
• Canada
2 Dec 08
as a female no I don't remember having that kind of trouble although I wear jeans a lot but they are mostly low waist so if I need to take it off it won't be hard even if something goes wrong with the zip I did have a bit of problem with my bridal gown but I didn't have to take it off until party is over anyway :)
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Now bridal gowns are meant to be a joint effort in the removal staked if my memory serves me right. However, maybe I shall adopt a feminine position in the loo in future!
2 people like this
@LittleMel (14036)
• Canada
2 Dec 08
yep it is :) I didn't eat much during party so that I didn't have to rush to toilet It was good planning LOL it took us over 30 mins to take the gown off after party apparently they added something else that shouldn't have been there - sigh
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Now my mind is boggling! Something that shouldn't have been there? We should be told!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
2 Dec 08
Lol P1ke I am so sorry but this has me in stitches as I can just imagine it all and I think it was very thoughtful of your Loving Wife to make sure that your Boxers did not come undone when you did not want them to but the Question I need to ask why did you NOT just pull everything down lol it would have been faster you know lololololol xx
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Maybe I should have gone into a cubicle Gabs. But at the time I was somewhat preoccupied with a hand stuck in the front of my trousers!!
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
2 Dec 08
Lol I guess you where so I will let you of on that one
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
1 Dec 08
I hate to laugh, because I do the same as your wife with my husband's knickers! When I collect them for the wash, they ALWAYS have the button undone ... so he obviously enjoys them being well ventilated all day. Must be a lad thing ...
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
It's because he has to add vital seconds in preparing himself Guy. That's why he leaves it undone. LOL!
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
2 Dec 08
I suppose lads with a large range of equipment need lots of arrangement time. Quite a symphony. I'll bear that in mind next time I'm doing the laundry ...
@Humbug25 (12551)
2 Dec 08
Hi p1kef1sh What a state of affairs eh? I had you pictured like a school boy dancing and holding your bits and peices, running for the conveniences, you were just missing having your hand aloft!! Hahahaha. As a woman I am very organised and no such thing would ever happen to me! Hahahahaha LOL
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Like I believe that Humbug!!! LOL. It could only happen to me!
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31644)
• United States
1 Dec 08
ROTFLMAO!!!!! I know it must've been awful but that's SO funny to picture!! My ex always just pulled down the front of his pants and underwear, never unzipped or anything. That was pretty funny, too. I have a son that prefers boxers and he doesn't button them, either! But he insists on boxers with a button, how strange! Thanks for the giggles!
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
I am thinking of sitting down to pee in future. That way I will have to drop everything! LOL.
1 person likes this
1 Dec 08
Hi p1key, I am sorry but it has taken me a little to respond to you as I have been laughing so much, I can just imgine your face, hehehe sorry about that, We were going someway many years ago when I needed the ladies and my friend kept driving looking for one and then i spotted it the toilets sign so we stoped, I legged it and by the time I finished I realized it was the gents I was in, I came out with red face but you there were no ladies, typical.Hugs. Tamara
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
1 Dec 08
LOL. I can just imagine Tamara. I once got locked in the Ladies Loo at Twycross Zoo in Leicestershire. But that's another story!
1 person likes this
@littleowl (7157)
1 Dec 08
Hi p1ke you poor thing, it has taught you one lesson though..look before you travel!! LOL Fortunately I haven't been put in such a situation that it has been a problem for me...hugs littleowl
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
1 Dec 08
Good thinking Littleowl. Next time that you are in a car with me be reassured that I'm not being rude, just checking that I can make a rapid exit if the need arises! LOL.
1 person likes this
@Drumman (305)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Wow, that was a complicated story. Why didn't you just pull the front of your pants down and pee? If there's a urninal I'll use it but if there's just a toilet bowl I usually sit down. I got sick of the stream splashing the water up all over my pants or legs.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Thank you.
@Drumman (305)
• United States
4 Dec 08
Thank you? No, I was asking why you can't just pull the front down.
@p1kef1sh (45638)
4 Dec 08
I could if I had been less desperate. I posted this as a humorous story, most others saw it that way, but I didn't feel that was the way that you interpreted it. So what more could I say. No hard feelings, if I misinterpreted you then I am sorry.
@sharra1 (6341)
• Australia
2 Dec 08
Ah now do you realise the benefit of elastic bikini briefs you just pull them down with one hand easy as pie. I cannot believe you have a button fly. That sounds like a real pain. Now if it was a girl in a hurry she has much bigger problems as we cannot just open a fly and go. Oh no we have to practically get undressed before we can go. You should consider yourself lucky.
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Dec 08
Panties and a skirt might not be too bad but a pant suit or tight jeans might be difficult. Maybe we should encourage the poster to wear a kilt and go "commando" as is supposedly part of the kilt experience. No boxer shorts and no buttons.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Perhaps I shall have to adopt a female perspective and sit in future Sharra. LOL.
2 people like this
@sharra1 (6341)
• Australia
2 Dec 08
2 people like this
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Dec 08
Um thank you for this new and important piece of information. I did not know that boxers came with buttons. Trouble getting access to my body, nope can't think of a situation. And if I did it would probably be a female thing and too much information!
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Now you do Dawn and they are a blooming nuisance when you are in a hurry! LOL.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84075)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Dec 08
Can't relate (but I can imagine)...
1 person likes this
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
2 Dec 08
I hate that flap as it has a habit of when sitting down and I am only wearing underwear it tends to open up like a flower exposing my "stamen" to make the analogy complete. Even pajamas have a worse slit that allows my nocturnally aroused "stamen" to rise above the petals for an embarrassing display as I shuffle off to the bathroom for the nocturnal bladder emptying ritual. Wearing a housecoat is useless because the design is too short and the front flaps open, especially when sitting down and trying to be modest, modesty seems impossible. I am on the same page as your wife on this one. I stitch up the annoying flaps as they are more annoying than useful. I deftly pull down the top of the boxers and pee over the top, keeping one's pant up of course. It is quite easy with a little practice. This also allows me to wear biking pants as undies as well as track pants as warm long johns, and will allow me relief with the same maneuver as the doctored boxer shorts. Might I suggest if you do frequent long trips on the turnpike and drink a lot of coffee, then a urinal might be an addition to your automobile equipment. Just pull over to the side of the road and instead of trying to relieve yourself in public you can deftly pull out pike junior in the privacy of your car point it in the direction of the plastic appliance and a quart and a minute later you can be on your way. You may still have to fumble with your buttons though and do not try this while actually driving without pulling over and stopping.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
There's some good points there. I'm not sure about pulling my boxers down. Doesn't the waist band pinch in a not altogether happy place to be pinched?
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Dec 08
You just have to pull the front part down and usually boxers are loose enough and the waistband stretchy enough to accomplish the required clearance, just do not let go as you already anticipated the elastic will snap the boxers back up catching your manhood unaware in mid-stream. It takes some practice and a strong arm. The other alternative as I outlined in another post is to wear a kilt with the traditional undergarments (none).
2 Dec 08
ha ha ha, that's like my boyfriend. he folds clothes up in ways that annoy me. I have to unfold them and fold them my way. He does sometimes fasten my trousers up so its easier for him to fold but then when I come to put them on, its a bit of a struggle until I realise that I need to undo them in order for me to fit in!!!
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
It's not a problem Cinders until you need to get access in a hurry!!
1 person likes this
@doulaworks (1079)
• United States
2 Dec 08
The tears running down my face are no reflection of the laughter in my heart after reading your recounting this near tragic emabressing event, and George him self might have even chuckled at your seemingly inexpierence with a few buttons on your boxers in public... I just wonder, although your wife is near perfect, why not mention to her that you love her helping with the laundry and hope that she will do it as often as she likes, and the buttoning of the under shorts was a specail added touch to remind you of how neatly she folded your boxers with such love and except for the near miss of the public toilet as a result of the buttoning, you would have hardly mentioned it. I can only imagine, how dinner conversation at your house must be.... I would love to be a fly on the wall (no pun intended) Be Well,
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
LOL. She knows all about the button thing. But I think that she likes me to be "neat" down there too! LOL. Yes, dinner conversations are interesting at times.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Dec 08
Ballet. Enough said.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
What a though. Tu Tu much information!
1 person likes this
@Rosekitty (19396)
• San Marcos, Texas
2 Dec 08
First of all I'm not a wife anymore so i don't know why i added that as an interest..lol..but you seem so sincere in showing me how much of a wonderful wife you have that maybe just maybe i could be one again..NOPE thought it over and don't think so..lol.. Next time wear a Nappy and you can pee all you want...hee heee
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Ooh nappies. NOT my thing. I even stated a discussion about them once. LOL. At least for adults. I am sure that you would make the perfect wife Rosie. How long would it take is to drive from where you are to Las Vegas?! There's a drive thru chapel there. LOL.
1 person likes this
@sweetie1026 (1723)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
My friend, that is quite an experience again. So nice of your wife to go through details like that, buttoning up your boxer shorts.I'm glad that you made it on time.Never had something like that though. Have a good night!
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
I have checked that we're flying free today Sweetie!
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
2 Dec 08
No, I have never had that much trouble accessing any of my body parts.. I would say that I wish I could have been a fly upon the wall but I would have been a very embarassed fly to say the least.. That was a hilarious trip to the john and now I know to never do that to my husband..
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
A fly upon the wall would have had a real laugh I think Donna.
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
2 Dec 08
LOL Poor P1ke, you almost had a puddle problem LOL I take it your going to be checking your boxers from here on out to make sure the barn door isn't too locked up, right? I think the only problems I ever had with getting out of my pants fast enough to go pee was when I was a teenager and wore very tight pants...the combination of trying to peel them off and the pressure the pants put on my bladder made for some frantic fumblings. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG AND TRUST IN GOD**[/b]
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45638)
2 Dec 08
Must have been terrible. 10 minutes lying on the bed trying to get the darned things on and then the pressure of knowing that you need to pee, but how on earth are you going to get them done back up again!!
1 person likes this