When throwing a party should you tell people who you DIDN'T invite?

United States
December 3, 2008 1:22am CST
i am asking from past experience because i have been invited and had it happen to me SEVERAL times that there would be a big party from work.. i would get invited and figure everyone had.. usually who ever was my best friend and my hubby would automatically be invited so stupid me wouldnt think that the 12 other people i were close with at work might not be.. 1 time i went to the party and it was great and crazy and a ton of people showed up and i already knew why some of my friends didnt go and then a couple of days after news of the party and stuff that happened would go around and i would be talking with my friend and it would come up and then i would realized i hadnt seen them there and then i would find out THEY WERENT INVITED!! i had NO clue since its not like i made the invitation list etc and now i feel like crap because i feel that they think i should have gotten them invited etc.. i do know that its a good thing they didnt go because it wouldnt have been something they would have liked but still.. not being invited to something is horrible!! so what i wanna know is.. would it be a good idea if you are inviting people to tell them if you are leaving out some one?? maybe they wouldnt like all joke about it or talk about it later on in front of that person but it could also back fire and some one slip up out of feeling bad about it etc.. if it was my party i would invite every one because i would be afraid of this happening but when you work in a huge place thats not always possible and well some people shouldnt be invited because of conflict or the theme etc.. what is the correct thing to do here??
3 people like this
17 responses
• United States
3 Dec 08
If they are close to the uninvited guest, then yes you might want to tell them but maybe you should just invite everyone. What are the chances of everyone showing up and is it really worth someone getting their feelings hurt?
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 08
well i didnt mean to go up to the person and say "your not invited" i meant to tell the people you did invite that "bobs not invited" type thing..
• United States
3 Dec 08
I knew what you meant. I am saying if there is a huge chance of the uninvited people finding out about the party, then yes tell the ones who were invited to keep it on the down low.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
oh ok that makes sense.. yeah i wrote this out and then im like crap you could read that two different ways!! lol..
@tridxb (101)
• United Arab Emirates
4 Dec 08
Ohh this is a bad one. Well I think if it's your party it would be the best thing to tell the guests if you're not inviting someone in their close circle. It's kinda horrible though. If it's not your party and you tell someone by accident well you didnt do anything wrong to be fair cos you didn't know.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 08
yeah but i still felt bad when i saw the reaction on my friends face when she realized she wasnt invited..
@cupkitties (7489)
• United States
3 Dec 08
Just ask your friend privately if they have gotten an invitation. The whole world doesn't need an announcement that so and so isn't invited. That might be kind of embarrassing.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
well not an announcement but i was thinking that when they invite the person if they worked near some one that they didnt invite to just tell them to not mention it in front of them because so in so wasnt invited
@mimico (3618)
• Philippines
3 Dec 08
Inviting them would be asking for a lot of trouble before the party even starts. if they find out through other people that they weren't invited, then it's so easy to say you forgot all about it and promise to invite them in the future. That's what I do most of the time and it works. I just feel like throwing a party in itself is already very stressful, so I don't want any cat fights before the party.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
well i meant not to invite them but tell the ones i invited who i didnt invite.. so if the people i invite tell the people i didnt then i would still have that happen before the party and get stuck or are you meaning something else?
@munhozmib (3851)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
3 Dec 08
Hello! When you are making a party, you should invite everybody. I mean, everybody. Leaving someone outside would only generate conflict later on. But no, you should not tell: "Hey, I did not invite this person. Keep it a secret.". Nah, let others say that there was a big party at your house and they weren't invited. It's better that they find out that you are not hiding anything than if they find out that you were trying to keep it a secret. Imagine how troublesome that would be: "So, you had a party and tried to ask everyone to keep it a secret from me, right?". In my opinion, if you are not inviting somebody, you should keep in mind that the person will know about the party later. Respectfully, Munhozmib.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
well the place i worked there was 800 people total that worked there and like 100 people in our area on our shift if not more and so i mean it was easy to know every one on your shift and half the people on the others so there was no way people could invite every one they knew even if they wanted to.. yeah it would be horrible to find out later if some one had tried to hide the party from you but it would also be horrible for people to come up before the party and ask where their invitation is at too.. its like you cant win on this one
• United States
3 Dec 08
Office cliques are still much like high school. There are ALWAYS going to be those that do not get invited for one reason or another. Usually if someone isn't invited there is no big secret as to why. They usually are not close friends of the host, or are not as visible in the office as others so that they get overlooked. Not getting invited to a party isn't the end of the world. but maybe before regaling your friends with what happened at the party you attended you should preface the conversation with "Hey did you hear about the party so-an-so threw?" This gives you a tactful way to segue out of discussing the details if they weren't there.
• United States
4 Dec 08
true... thats a good way of feeling it out..
@shonali (1286)
• India
3 Dec 08
well i dont know if this comes under being noti nvited or not.... but there was a party recently and i think i wanst invited or i wanst even told that there was going to be a party at all...this person was a long time ago my best friend and then we went our own ways without any fights and lost contact with each other for several years...and then got into touch with each other though we dint speak all that much and recently her sister got married a second time.... and i was there for her first wedding too..... but she could have atleast old me that she was getting married a second time but she did not...it kind of hurt me but i thought that it may be cos of the fact that we may not have been in touch with each other and so she dit think it important to tell me but i felt so totally left out.... like a reject...
• United States
4 Dec 08
ugh.. it probably was either the not being as close or maybe they couldnt afford a big wedding.. i know when i got married i couldnt afford much at all and my brother was telling some of his friends about it and they got mad when they didnt get an invitation but i didnt know them that much and i couldnt afford to have them so they probably think i was horrible but i was trying to pay for everything and it was hard.. that could have been her reasoning.. weddings are hard to determined.. some people dont want to invite people unless they can afford to have them at the reception too and some people invite people to the wedding but not the reception because of cost which i think thats offensive..
@Monkeyrose (2849)
• Canada
3 Dec 08
well you can say its a closed party.. only people invited.. or you can say that you can bring a guest. Its only polite to ask the host before you invite people anyways.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
yeah maybe saying to the people you invite that its closed will make them not assume everyone is invited with out listing off who isnt..
• Philippines
3 Dec 08
Oh my gosh! I never thought that there should be invitations needed for those types of parties. I only thought that parties which are formal and wherein guests were counted was the only one that needed invitations and an invite list. I thought parties that are at home are open to anyone who knows the host personally. It's sad that people have a 'don't invite' list now. Whew! Where's the fun in that? Obviously they want other people off the party, it's sad. Parties are supposedly the time where you could get to know people or just simply have fun?!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
well for some they just dont want certain people.. i know with me it would be more of a money issue.. having to have enough money for food and drinks and having a small house etc and then working at a place with 100 people you just cant possibly invite every one and there are of course people that are the types that dont like most people and are fighting with a few people to where they may make a lot of people uneasy.. thats why i was thinking should the people invited know whos not that way they dont accidentally mention the party plans to the people not invited so they dont feel left out.. but there usually is always a blabbermouth anyways
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
3 Dec 08
Last year I had a Christmas party for those at work THAT GET ALONG! THere are some that are hard to get along with so I excluded them...we didn't tell them....until much later! One of the girls had such a shocked look on her face! So if I decide to have one this year mums the word!
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
well i meant tell the people you invite who your NOT inviting so they wont go blab to everyone.. yeah its so sad when some one finds out later they missed out on something.. probably why i dont have parties.. i want to invite everyone
@lazeebee (5466)
• Malaysia
3 Dec 08
Hi Moonlit, it's sometimes hard to remember to tell invited guests not to tell those not invited about the party. So what we usually do (if we remember) is to tell them about those who are also invited. (colleagues or mutual friends). I can't invite everyone - there could be people whom I can't stand, and I definitely won't want them at my party or home.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 08
thats a good idea.. let them know who is invited so that if they want to talk about it they will know who to talk about it with
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
3 Dec 08
I think that would add insult to injury. Because it would be more humiliating for the people not invited. Think about it all the guests would know such and such was not invited... and they were told about it. That would be like a high school thing where the popular throw a party and tell those invited not to tell the other kids about it lol... I would be more insulted knowing the person hosting the party made an effort to tell everyone i was not invited, rather than simply not being invited and people not really noticing. Yeah it would be awkward if everyone is talking about it but i prefer awkward over embarrassing any day to be completely honest with you. Lets say that you knew your best friend was not invited... and you tried to get her invited but the host said no. Then you would have a dilemma as to whether you would upset your friend by going when the host clearly doesn't like your best friend or something like that. It will over complicate things in the long run if you ask me.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 08
at the same time though if that person didnt realize her friend wasnt invited and says something about the party in front of her she may assumed she was invited also and not knowing any different could make it worse.. but then again like you said it might be weird/bad because then people would avoid the subject in fear it would come up with that person so that person would feel something weird was going on but not knowing what
@bayernfan (1430)
• Canada
3 Dec 08
Going around notifying a bunch of people that they aren't invited to your party might be awkward at best and more insensitive to the uninvited than finding out afterwards. The host of the party most likely will be considered smug and rubbing their exclusive party in the faces of others. You might think that its just easy to invite everyone, but parties are expensive and can be difficult to manage when they get large. Not to mention, how much time, effort and money is it going to take to notify all those who are invited and not invited to the party? Rejection is a part of life, so some people need to get used to it. Why do we insist that everyone be treated with kiddy gloves nowadays? People need to learn to handle adversity or they become oversensitive and unable to cope with ordinary life occurrences. P.S. Please remember to send me notice that I have been uninvited to your next party so that I can go hang myself.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 08
oh no thats not what i meant!! i totally worded it wrong.. i meant to tell people that you invited that so in so isnt so that they dont go to their area and start talking about the party to where that person would over hear.. ugh i wish mylot had an edit so i could figure out how to word that better
@jammyt (2822)
• Philippines
3 Dec 08
Here in our country, let' say there's a party, we tell the ones we invite just to keep it hush hush because not all our invited. People here, when they hear about a party or a simple dinner out, some would really tag along even if they were not invited. For example in the office, we usually email those we invite and tell them who we are not inviting. It works most of the time.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 08
good idea.. and its a good thing everything is thinking the same way.. a lot of people do the paper invite thing and thats really awkward when you see some people not holding them and they wondering why they didnt anything
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
3 Dec 08
Last year I had a Christmas party for those at work THAT GET ALONG! THere are some that are hard to get along with so I excluded them...we didn't tell them....until much later! One of the girls had such a shocked look on her face! So if I decide to have one this year mums the word!
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16570)
• India
3 Dec 08
well ,it upon the relationship with the invitee and the invitor.the others should not have any say in that matter.
1 person likes this
• India
3 Dec 08
I think you must. It is simply a rule of courtesy. Secondly, it will endear you to the persons who are not invited.
1 person likes this