Blaming others.

Yes, I used to be a lot like this myself when I was young, about 20 or so. Everything was everyone else's fault, never my own. Then one day I woke up and realized a lot of people in my family did this and it was just learned behavior (oddly enough, my parents didn't seem to be this way but a lot of my siblings were). Then I started taking a look at my own actions. With the wisdom that often comes with aging, I can also look back to those days now and see a lot of actions on my part that made things even worse and still even more things I could have done to make them better. When you tend to blame others for everything, I think you are afraid to take responsbility for your own actions and, indeed, sometimes never give a thought to your actions. Some, although not all, of my siblings are a lot like this today. One of them, for instance, called me recently to complain about a friend who was supposed to come and see her over the weekend. Their last communication was that my sister said she, my sister, would call if she wasn't going to be out of town. Of course, she didn't bother calling her friend, then got mad when the friend in question didn't call or come over. I pointed out she, my sister, had never bothered with the courtesy of calling the friend and letting the friend know one way or the other about whether or not my sister would be out of town. My sister was simply astounded that her friend might be mad about this. She replied, "Well, of course if I didn't call then she must have known automatically I would be in town." So here she was mad at her friend, but was simply astounded to think that she might have been rude in not doing as she promised to begin with. I think playing the blame game, at least from my own past experience as a younger person, comes from anger within at yourself, which can lead to depression in many cases. I'm glad I got out of that myself. Now I do feel sorry for people like that because I know firsthand how miserable you can be when you won't take responsbility for your own actions. If you blame everyone else around you, you can't control their actions. The only person you can control is you, so those who blame others always also have to feel they never have much control over what happens to them. It's a vicious cycle and a painful one. Despite being honest with my siblings, I also try to be kind with my explanations rather than accussing or harsh because you wouldn't be harsh or mean in a reply to someone ill. And this having to always blame others for everything that happens to you or around you, if indeed others aren't to blame (and in most cases they're not, although not in every case I'll admit) then this is a type of illness and being angry at people like this is like being angry at someone ill. I believe they need more understanding and tolerance, but also they can really drain your energy. So you definitely have to find a balance here.

i have the experience that i realize my fault but i find it hard to persuade myself to take measures to get it over.in case of being angery,we can't help blaming others to express our anger and disatisfaction.when this happens next time,we should change the position with the others so we can put pu with the anger and not blame others.

My daughter in law is that way...as is my older sister. I tend to feel sorry for them. They must be absolutely so very unhappy with themselves that they take it out on others. My daughter in law is very hard to be around. AS is my older sister. But a few years back I told my older sister and she is better around me now...but still she has a tendency to be very bad with money..it's always someone else's fault..I don't really spend alot of time with her anymore. My daughter in law blames everything on my son and I am not really sure how much longer that will last. She sees nothing wrong and justifies her blaming others because she is always right. I will never say anything to her...or put my nose in their business...but she is going to destroy her marriage if she doesn't wake up soon!

Blaming others is always so much easier than taking responsibility for your own actions and doing the right thing. The right thing being to admit when you have done something wrong. Yes, it is difficult not to react. Being mindful of others is very important. I think living by the golden rule is a very smart way to go. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Think about how you would feel if the circumstances were reversed. Your words seems very logical and realistic.

For some people the first reaction to a problem is to find someone to blame. Blaming is a defence mechanism to avoid taking personal responsibility to the situation. The blamer rapidly finds fault in the other person and criticizes them. Trying to find a solution to the problem is much better then looking for someone to blame. Blaming is a pattern in some families that keeps people from becoming closer. People who blame others or situations without taking any responsibility for their contribution to the problem never get the sense of satisfaction of growth. By refusing to see their own errors, they lose the opportunity to change the aspects of themselves that keep them stuck.

Hello Pose,another good post for sure........ A good person will always tend to accept faults or mistakes made,and try to improve and learn from it.He will keep his mind open all the time,and try to imbibe values from his own experiences and that of others too.A narrow minded person on the other hand,always tends to blame others for all his short comings and is never receptive to new and better values.Hence his outlook in life will never improve.Such a person can never expand his horizon and see the world in a wider perspective,and tend to lose out on imbibing many of the goodness of life........

i always like honest people... and i believe people who dare to admit about their shortcomings are the ones who will improve themselves to become a better person... so i am always open to constructive criticism from other people and always try to do a self-reflection after that... take care and have a nice day...

I go by the theory that we can take part of the blame for things that happen to us but there are others who have contributed to this. Undesirable qualities are often a reaction to something that had happened to us, and not all of us have strong personalities, some can only take so much. I say that our faults may not be all our fault, it is a combination of our reaction, what others did. I tend to go in the middle. Cannot talk that much, husband is listening to Harry Potter and thinks it is of such great vslue that he wants me to do so as well and I have not made enough to pay for that laptop yet so I cannot go to the living room.

I know this response is going to be totally useless because I don't think many people in mylot care about American football, but this reminds of the Dallas Cowboys and the neverending Terrell Owens saga. How someone can go through life, go to team after team, cause problems and not accept responsibility is beyond me. Money doesn't buy class, that is for sure.

One of my favorite quotes says, "When you blame, you give up your power for change." In most cases, you have to be willing to take at least half of the blame for a situation going wrong. If you are not so willing, you will constantly feel like you are the victim when that is not the case at all.

Yes, we all tend to blame others for whatever goes wrong and the truth is that we are the ones responsible for our actions due to the choices that we make during our lifetime.

I think I am always analyzing myself. Maybe too much so. But I try to understand what I'm feeling, when I'm feeling it and why I feel the way I do. I want to understand what triggers my emotions, what triggers my reactions and behavior. So I think I am reasonably good at recognizing my shortcomings and acknowledging them. When I slip up, I have six wonderful kids right there to tell me what I'm doing wrong. So, if I am afraid to look in the mirror and recognize flaws about myself, they are very humbling in the way they bring my attention to my short comings, flaws, inconsistencies, needs for improvement, etc.

I think your right and we all have someone like that in our lives. I have much more respect for an individual who can admit they are wrong and accept responsibility for their mistakes than the one who doesn't. I have always taken pride in the fact that I do that even when it is very hard to do at times. I can even forgive the individual who stays silent rather than admit it. But I have no tolerance for finger pointing to steer responsibility away from oneself.

I can visualize this. It happens with my in laws a lot. I feel terrible when they just keep blaming me anything that goes wrong in life, anything that happens for good was their credit and hard work. It feels so small of them and selfish. I sometimes really feel being taken advantage of, but since it is an indian culture to not rebel/answer back/argue woth any of the 'laws'...

I've done a lot of reading on self help in order to get through some very bad times in my life that have given me very negative feelings. I've discovered that the things that irritate you most about other people are the things that you are most capable of, but always keep under control. It irritates you that you are capable of that trait, but don't let it out. Facing the fact that you're human, that you have those feelings is the first step to not letting those traits in others bother you, and to taking responsibility for your own actions.

I am somehow in the same situation. I am guilty of something and this person got really mad- ver yamd. I told him several times how sorry I was and until now I am so sorry for what happened. But until now, I haven't gotten any forgiveness. It seems that everythin I do is not worthy anymore. Yes, I should be blamed for that particular incident. But I know, deep in my heart, that I should not be blamed for EVERYHTING. If asking for apologies are not enough, I don't know how and what to do anymore.

I guess you have certainly elaborated the issue well. I may just add as well that in doing so one is displaying some kind of insecurities; that in order to elivate one's self, it's beter to make other people look crap. And often times, it's very hard to admit one's mistake so we need to blame others for a wrong doing. Of course it's not health; people won't grow if he/she won't allow any room for improvement.