what would you do if you found that your friend is a homosexual?

India
January 7, 2009 2:13am CST
hi all, i have a friend who i know from 18 years. we have grown together and played together. recently he came to my house and we were talking and he said he is a homosexual from more than 7 to 8 yrs. i was shocked. i couldn't sleep that day. i called our other friends and told them.. they were surprised too.. we spoke to him and he was totally out of girls. i dont know why. we tried to talk to him in a lot of ways but he was ready with an answer... i dont know what to do... i dont want to meet him too...
5 people like this
29 responses
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
7 Jan 09
That must be quite a shock indeed. To know that your friend was probably looking at you all these years. Yeah I would have done the same thing. There is one person though that I am watching very closely. I think he's a little gay by the way he watches people and talk. But I'm not sure and I don't want to think the wrong things. But you can never be too careful. The most you can do for your friend is to pray for him so that he would change. Because you talking to him is not really going to help that much.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Jan 09
hehe... good luck with him,.. i think you are right... talkin to him doesnt seem like to help us much...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
8 Jan 09
How about we all pray for you both that you will change and not be so closedminded and judgemental? If prayers are answered the world will be a much more peaceful place than if we all prayed for everyone to change up and fit into your little box of reality.
@maximax8 (30098)
• United Kingdom
7 Jan 09
When I was in Slovakia I made friends with a 15 year old boy and we became pen pals. We wrote to each other and he visited my home country a few times from his home country, Poland. One day in his letter he admitted that he was homosexual and his family had disowned him. He just needed understanding because he couldn't help being gay. He met a nice man and began a relationship. Our pen friend relationship did fizzle out. He was such a lovely man and I am sure he still is. It must have been a shock for you to find out your friend is homosexual. My male friend that I went to school with went out with girl in the 1990s. She split up with him and said she was a lesbian. He was horrified and she lived with a lady for four years. Then she did a U turn! She was in a bar and she ran into my male friend. She asked if he wanted to meet her new boyfriend. He thought she meant the young bar man but she showed him her 60 something aged boyfriend. There is more than a 30 year age gap. He is pleased at least she is dating a man.
1 person likes this
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
7 Jan 09
Had a friend like that too. She had been married for several years and they had 3 sons. Then she up and left him for another man and when that fizzled out left him for a woman. Sometimes people get a little confused about what they want sexually. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose.
1 person likes this
@di1159 (1580)
• United States
7 Jan 09
I suppose it must be a shock after having been friends for so long. You need to adjust to the news and once you do, if you are a true friend, you will accept his revelation and continue your friendship. I think that he will probably need the support of his friends. You shouldn't feel threatened, but learn to accept him for what he is. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• India
7 Jan 09
it is quite a shock... for example in school we guys in the class were totally open and free in a lot of ways (if you know what i mean)... and just thinking about it feels weird for us... but i guess i have to accept..
1 person likes this
@pia725 (5)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
talking to him and discussing about what he really feels may help him and you (if you're feeling any awkwardness). just don't abandon him because he may go astray if you do. i also have a friend like that, and everything is normal, nothing changed when we knew that he is a homosexual. we never abandoned him because that won't help him, til now we're still trying to talk to him about it.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Jan 09
we are not abandoned him or anything .. he is our friend dats y we worry about him.. maybe you are right...already i feel i cant do anything about it..
1 person likes this
@kafrosGR (138)
• Greece
7 Jan 09
well I had a similar story like this. I tried to be ok. but that guy is stupid so i dont talk to him for 2 reasons..
1 person likes this
@britt_200 (1227)
• United States
7 Jan 09
heres what you do. you accept and love him just like you did before you knew. accept him because he is your friend. thats it! thats the solution.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jan 09
I would still accept him/her as a friend. Because they would expect you to still be their friend no matter what their situation may be and he may need you through this time that he is going through. So just be there for him.
@manny025 (73)
• United States
7 Jan 09
well if u was a good friend then u wouldnt mind that ur friends is a homosexual and to knon that friend for 18 years u should have a strong relationship and if u was that good u would have already knew he was a homosexual before he even told u...so when he did finally come out to u, u shouldnt have been shocked it should have been more like ooh i already knew that and im alright with you being a homosexual...i have a lot of homosexual friends and i dont mind cause homosexuals are very funny and they keep me entertained not saying thats the only reason why i like homosexuals but i am a good friends and if one of my friends came out to me i would be okay with it and move on with my friendship :D
1 person likes this
• India
7 Jan 09
if it would have happend with me i also would have scared to him ,and try similar like u ,be away to him but do not break your relation,make him understand not to try this with u,and not be more worried about it becouse somewhere u can not anything against it ,it is happening all over the world
1 person likes this
@Pachello (16)
• Belgium
7 Jan 09
That must have been a shock for you guys! Anyhow, if a friend of mine told me he was gay, then I won't refuse to meet him. That you guys feel are feeling awkward is something I can understand. But don't forget that friendship is based on having fun and having trust in each other, and it's not based on whether he's gay or straight. Don't jeopardize your friendship because he's gay.
1 person likes this
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
7 Jan 09
What would I do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I might wonder at why they became that way but that is all. Doesn't change the fact that that person is your friend and that is what you should be. A friend. You say you have been friends for a long time. How could his sexuality come into it? So what if he swings in another direction. You just go be the best friend you can be. I've a feeling he may need a shoulder to cry on. You might want to point out though (and I'm assuming you're not) that way inclined so hands off. Good luck
1 person likes this
@marina321 (4561)
7 Jan 09
They'd still be my friend regardless Of course if they said they fancied me or the like, then that would really change the dynamics of things!
1 person likes this
@Takashy (496)
• Latvia
7 Jan 09
Well, I would just continue to live like I have been doing it before. I mean, really. You have been friends for so long and now that you find out something like that you don't want to meet the person again? Sorry, but isn't that a little stupid? I mean, you have been fine all the time so why should this change the way you look at your friend? Its not like he would try to date you. :x
1 person likes this
@silverjam (969)
• United States
7 Jan 09
There are factors that can make a person (male) turn into a homosexual(if it's not an inborn sexuality). I have a neighbor before, a very good-looking guy who was known to be a "ckick-boy" as he has a lot of girlfriends. But one time we were so surprised when he returned home after several years of being away to become a gay. We learned that he acquired it from gay lovers. Another male friend told me that when he had relationships w/ gays he noticed that sometimes he tends to act like one. So I guess it's some kind of "contigous". If I happened to k now a friend who become homosexual I would rather ask and listen first for his explainations and would give him a peice of my mind if he's willing to listen as well. But broadcasting it to the world would only degrage him more and might lost the friendship.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
8 Jan 09
omfgawwd homosexuality isnt a contagious disease! ;shakes head at the ignorance;
• United States
8 Jan 09
Yeah Silverjam, it's contigous - don't drink the water.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
8 Jan 09
He should pretend to be something he is not out of fear of losing "friendships?" I'd say that any friendship so shallow would not even be considered a loss anyway so I'd tell him to be himself. He will find many friends, I'm sure and he'll also weed out the ones that are not his real friends...always a good thing to know.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
8 Jan 09
nice that you ran to the phone to gossip behind his back like the town crier after yer friend of 18 YEARS trusted you enough to confide something to you. there isnt anything you can or should do here other than appologize for being a nitwit. hes the same man youve been friends with all this time.. what difference does it make who he loves?
• India
8 Jan 09
ok let me make this clear.. i called them to come to my place to hang out... the confiding part was left to him... he choose to tell them... actually he decided since he told me it was better to tell all our friends... thats what happend.. it not like once i heard the news i have been calling like a mad reporter..
@tessah (6621)
• United States
8 Jan 09
"i was shocked. i couldn't sleep that day. i called our other friends and told them.." your own words say you did go running and tell all of your other friends.. now you change yer story. im really glad yer not one of MY friends.. because if you were, you wouldnt be for very long.
@leonag (33)
• Canada
12 Jan 09
YOu don't become homosexual overnight, so you must have had some kind of idea. It may be shocking at first, but you'll get over it. Also, if you were his true friend you wouldn't have called all of your other friends and told them something that was none of there business. Just because he is gay doesn't mean he is any different than he was the day before he told you. This is the 21st century and it boils my blood to see people acting as if it were the 19th. Grow up.
• India
12 Jan 09
see my earlier comment.. i was a little immature.. but i am understanding some things now..
• United States
11 Jan 09
well if he's a friends it shouldnot matter wat he likes. but if u feel awkward around him them maybe you should sit him down and be blunt with him and see if he has any feeling towards you and your other friends. im pretty sure if you and him have be friends for 18 years this should make u think anything dofferent of him.
• India
12 Jan 09
yea,,, i got the basic idea.. i think me and my other friends have not behaved very well... maybe because we are not used to it and it happened so suddenly... thanks you all for your replies... il try my best to be normal with him... and i will definitely not leave him...
• United States
7 Jan 09
It sounds to me like your friend felt that he could tell you this and not get a big deal reaction. He is still the same friend as before. It is just a life style that is all. It is a shame to lose a friendship over this.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
8 Jan 09
Well, sadly if that were the case, this friend ran right to the phone and began blabbing the news all over town. Live and learn and I'll bet the friend is not only struggling with coming out but also the realization that many of his friends are not really friends at all.
@tabachi (263)
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
i would accept him for what he is....i will try my best to be as open-minded about it because he is my friend....gender can's be the issue for choosing a friend..that's my belief...if as in your case for example it happened to me...i will just give him the best advice that i could about the issue of homosexuality but will still be a friend to him....i will sincerely appreciate his being honest about it..with the thinking that he probably couldn't tell his friends about himself...it took him a long time to tell us but at least ,he did...
@richi1993 (102)
• Mexico
8 Jan 09
Homosexuality is a very hard topic. I know it must be shocking, but if he has been your friend for so long, he being homosexual must not change anything, he is the same person, the only difference is that know you know his secret.