Cheating

United States
January 7, 2009 8:23am CST
Have you ever been accused of cheating on your partner? Were you actually cheating? I've never cheated on my husband, and have no intentions of doing so either. He has never doubted my loyalty and never accused me of cheating. However there was a time when I did have some fingers pointing at me, and people had their doubts. See, my husband was fixed while I was pregnant with my toddler. The toddler was our 4th child, and a surprise pregnancy, and we didn't plan to have any more kids. So to make sure of that hubby got himself sterilized. About 10 months after the toddler was born, over a year since hubby's procedure, I found out I was pregnant again! Now of course this was a shock, because for one, I didn't think it would be possible, and for two, it seemed odd that it would have taken so long. You'd think if the procedure didn't work I would have gotten pregnant sooner. It's not like we were being careful or anything like that. Nobody who actually matters had any doubts, but hubby did hear some comments at work. His own sister made a joke about it, "Did you beat up the mailman?". Of course anyone who really knows me knows I wouldn't cheat, but the ones who were making comments didn't know me that well. Has anyone ever accused you of cheating? Why?
4 people like this
15 responses
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
7 Jan 09
In your case all the people that really matter believe you so your're lucky. I dated a man that was always accusing me of cheating. It was craziness and the thing was that I never once cheated on him. We finally broke up when he showed up at my house unexpectedly one morning. I guess my hair looked better than normal and after he left, he spied on me. I went to the store and was gone for maybe 20 mins. In his mind, I had gone out for a quickie! My horoscope said that I had a hot day that day so for him, that was evidence. It was the final straw for me. I don't mind reassuring someone but after a while it is insulting.
• United States
7 Jan 09
Yes it does get insulting. I had a boyfriend once awhile ago that accused me of cheating too. He would name specific men he thought I'd been with, and they were all guys that I'd never touch. As it turned out, he was actually cheating on me.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
7 Jan 09
ya know, I was begining to think the same thing with this guy as well. That very often is the case when someone is constantly accussing someone of something they are not doing. I don't know if he was or was not cheating but I got very tired of the accusations and he too named certain men & like you, all were men that I would never even consider.
• United States
7 Jan 09
Well it's for the best that you're done with him then.
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
7 Jan 09
My partner has accused me once for definite, and there was a little dis-agreement in which could be classed as a second accusation. I don't blame him for doubting, they were pretty rough times in our relationship and some things did seem a little suspicious. I also accused him recently after he was receiving texts from another women at 4am in the morning. He denied it, and i trust him, she didnt say anything really incriminating so i dont have any real reason to doubt him. Plus he spends all of his time with me so... I wasnt cheating on him though. I havent. I mean, the first accusation, apparantly i'd asked for a male FRIEND's phone number. Which i completely dont remember doing. So he probably assumed i was trying to hit on this other guy, which i wasnt, plus the other guy wasnt interested in me anyways lol. He accused me, we argued obviously. It was kinda a rough argument, because i couldnt understand why he was angry and jealous. Plus he actually said something like... "When the cat goes away the mouse comes out to play eh?" And i was just in absolute shock. I didnt see where he'd gotten it from. But if what he says is true and i lead him to believe it then... i dont blame him. Blah. And i doubt your husbands sister thinks you cheated. To be honest i'd make a joke like that too. Obviously people think the worst, but sometimes procedures dont work, or dont take effect for ages so.. Anyway... Nice discussion!
• United States
7 Jan 09
You don't know my husband's sister. She's a cheater herself actually. And she doesn't know me well, we don't have a close relationship with her. Actually we haven't seen her since that day, and it was about a year and a half ago.
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
7 Jan 09
Ooh! Okay haha. Well. I'd still probably end up making that kinda joke :P
• United States
8 Jan 09
Well I am not a saint so yes I have been in a relationship where I cheated.I have been in many relationships that I was being cheated on. If it happens to you so often you get wiser and start noticing "the signs".
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
If you aint happy with a relationship why make it last?does it mean you need to cheat everytime?was it collect and collect and collect more before selecting?the love you're searching for might pass you by...so think twice..peace..
• Philippines
8 Jan 09
accused?yah, but it just because of my failure to initiate communication but i never really did.Women says they have their instinct to tell that their partner is cheating but to tell you that's 100% falsehood.It's just their thinking that tells them something not right due to the sub-consciousness triggered by their own imagination.
• United States
8 Jan 09
I was in a relationship where I was being cheated on, and I can tell you that yes, women can sense when they're being cheated on, unfortunatly they don't always act on that feeling. But once a woman has been cheated on, she does often have trouble trusting again, and may point fingers and place blame where it doesn't belong. This doesn't mean she "feels" she's being cheated on, she's just a bit insecure is all.
• United States
8 Jan 09
my husband's best friend and i were accused of sleeping togather by the friend's wife. she thinks everyone wants him. it was not true however. when my husband and i were engaged he did cheat on me with my best friend. i was so hurt and almost called the wedding off. but i didnt. it has caused some problems but now it dont matter. i have never cheated on him. im 25 and have been with him since i was 15. he has cheated while we first started dating too. i guess in a small way i may have too so i didnt mean to lie. when i say i didnt cheat i mean i have never slept with anyone but him since we have been togather. he proves to me everyday that he was stupid and sorry. i love him for so many reasons. i have no reason to believe he has cheated since we got married. most people would say im stupid maybe i am but i trust him now and we have been married going on 6 years in april. I just believe in my heart that he has been faithful since we got married. we are happy and that is all that matters to me. this may not be the answer you were looking for but i got caught up in my thoughts. sorry!
• United States
8 Jan 09
LOL, it's fine, I wasn't looking for any sort of answer really, was just trying to make conversation is all. What I described happened well over a year ago, and as I said, nobody important had accused me of cheating so it wasn't an issue. Now, about your husband. I honestly believe that women just KNOW when they're being cheated on. The biggest problem is women tend to just ignore the signs because they don't want to deal with the hassle and pain of a break up. If you feel in your heart that he's being faithful, and trust him completely, that's a good thing.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
7 Jan 09
I can see why people would joke about you cheating. i remember you telling me that before and I told my husband if I got pregnant not to assume I had been cheating. I had a pyscho I used to work with call in to work after she had left and told them that I went after her husband (they were separated) and that I told him I liked him and wanted to live with him for awhile because I didn't know who the father of my baby was. Luckily my husband and I were in a good place so he didn't believe the story she told. But something like that could have been very damaging and I hadn't seen her in 6 months so i don't get why she did it. So that has been the only time anyone has said that about me. I have no intention of ever cheating on my husband. I told him if things ever got that bad between us I would leave, not cheat.
• United States
7 Jan 09
Wow, that woman had some issues with you, huh? I agree, it's best to leave instead of cheat. What's the sense in cheating?
@jessi0887 (2792)
• United States
7 Jan 09
My fiance is always accusing me. I think he is afraid of losing me. He constantly is aware of other guys being attracted to me and is afraid i will run off with run of them. Usually he accusses me when i am with friends or running errands. Like if there are days where i have alot to do and i am constantly on the go he gets suspicious. If i am with my friend he gets suspicious. The only reason for that though is he doesn't like my friend because she is a immature irresponsible cheating adult.
• United States
7 Jan 09
Definitly sounds like some insecurities there. This could eventually lead to some issues. You might want to work on it before you actually get married. He should probably see a councellor, and you both should get couples therapy. Better to be safe than sorry, you know.
• United States
8 Jan 09
I could never cheat. But I have feamle family members who will have a few boyfriends at a time in different cities. I could not risk being caught, plus I just do not want to cheat I love my husband so much that no other man is important. Many people get pregnant after supposibly being fixed, my aunt had a baby after her tubes were tied and burned. I have one fallopian tube after a ectopic pregnancy and I just recently got pregnant. I did lose the baby but we were just happy to know that pregnancy was possible. I was told I would never have a baby again. People never see the miracles and blessings when something like your situation happens. And I think it may be jealousy because maybe they wanted to have a miracle baby like you and your husband have.
@celticeagle (123958)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jan 09
Well, wasn't that nice of you to give them something to gossip about? Haha?! I was accused of it once and only because my husband was and felt guilty.( This is common.) I just consider the source as to who is saying it. Why are they saying it? Guilty? Some people don't seem to be happy unless they can gossip or make someone else miserable. I have never cheated. I live by the Golden Rule.
@silverjam (969)
• United States
8 Jan 09
I heard casses like that before. In fact two of my neighbors got pregnant after their husbands had been vasectomized. I guess the procedure is not a 100% reliable. If you are telling the truth and not really cheating your husband then I guess you have a similar case w/ them. I hope your husband is broad-minded enough to understand what's going on.
• United States
7 Jan 09
Yes I've been accused of cheating repeatedly by someone. It started almost immediately after meeting him and continued on for quite a while. The weird thing is I'm not of the cheating nature. I've only been cheated 'on' once that I know of. And so it makes me wonder...was he cheating? Or what was the deal...? It got really ugly and nasty, too, and I never even went anywhere. I know from experience with friends that if one person is cheating they sometimes will blame the other, but I don't think that was the case with him. He said that all his ex-girlfriends has been cheaters, but jeez...if I was a 'cheater' his constant accusing sure would have pushed me in that direction. I guess that's where the Law of Attraction comes in...lol. Maybe he brought it on himself by always accusing... goodness.
• Israel
7 Jan 09
hmm cheating :O, i was cheating in soldier of fortun gold edition double Helix, the best game i have ever played. i cheated there with softwer that Kill peoples automatic haha it was very funny but i used this program just for a few days, then i back into play ligal way =]
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
7 Jan 09
Hello katsmeow123! Oh my! I know how hard it is for you to be accused of having an affairs to somebody when in fact you're not. My husband trust me too and he knows I won't cheat to him. But just like you, other people think I will do it. As you can see, our age difference is quiet big that's why other people including his ex - wife and children said that I would probably leave him but leaving him would be the last thing on my mind.
@cinna34 (11)
• United States
7 Jan 09
I have been with my husband for 11 years now. And everyone of those years I have been accused of cheating.never mind the fact that I had never done anything.I believe that in some instances things can be percieved in a way that would leave a mind to wonder those things. However i also feel that people should not believe that every moment away from them is a chance to get a quickie from somewhere. after years of dealing with this I know that in my situation it is a form of insecurity on his part and a guilty conscience. In your situation though it seems just a fleeting thought because of the circumstances.Some of your friends and family may not have gave a negative response but in their minds thought negatively even if only briefly. Babies are a blessing to a woman from Jehovah.Science and technology cant fight the way we are designed to heal ourselves from scraps to fallopian tubes...
@gemini_rose (16257)
7 Jan 09
Well I guess I could see how people would think you were cheating but that is the nature of the beast. I have never been accused of cheating, I think people know how I am about lying and things so they know that I would not do it.