Can you forgive someone that has really did you wrong?

@marciascott (25550)
United States
February 23, 2009 6:02pm CST
I went to Church Sunday and the Pastor said, you should forgive somebody even if they did you wrong, Maybe so, but I think that is a hard pill to swallow, so have you forgiven someone that has really did you wrong, God says you should forgive and forget, well what if they really did something wrong? My daughter told me something that happen to her 25 years ago. I really wanted to kill that person, well not literally but I felt like it. So how do you feel about that? I was devastated, it really did something to me. And I know that it really did something to her Mentally. To trust someone and then you find out something you didn't want to hear, can you forgive that person?
9 people like this
40 responses
@suspenseful (40312)
• Canada
24 Feb 09
I was told that there are somethings that can be forgiven and somethings that cannot be forgiven. For instance, if the offense was something that prevented the furthershp of the Kingdom of God, that was not to be forgiven, but if it was something that just was against you, that could be forgiven. However, in order to be forgiven, the person has to ask for forgiveness and one has to know he asked. So I fail to understand why one would forgive a child molester who has no intention to change. Since his desire not to change is not furthering the Kingdom of God. But if the child molester says "I do not want to be like that anymore' then he can be forgiven. To put this another way, a person who desires forgiveness and shows that he intends to change his life, opens the door to forgiveness, and for Christians, whosoever binds on earth, binds in heaven. So the person desiring forgiveness opens the way for someone to forgive him, not the person forgiving someone, opens the door for someone to ask forgiveness.
3 people like this
• United States
24 Feb 09
There is only 1 thing that cannot be forgiven. That is the "Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit" But that is God's forgiveness. The Bible is clear that we His children are to forgive. And if we do not He cannot forgive us.
2 people like this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Thank you both for your input! I hope you both are well!
@Polly1 (12646)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I do my best to forgive, I have to let it go. yes it is hard, but if you don't forgive, it will eat at you inside. I don't know how it would be if somebody did something really horrible, I haven't had that done, I would still like to think that I could find it in my heart to forgive. When I think back, I have experienced some bad stuff, I have forgiven that person. If you need to forgive someone and are having troubles doing it, ask for God's help, he will help you Marcie. That doesn't meen you have to forget or even trust that person again.
2 people like this
@stacy624 (2777)
• Canada
25 Feb 09
I to go to church, and realize we are suppose to forgive for the Lord has forgiven our sins, however I am guilty for 2 people who I have Not can at this point feel I can ....I guess I need a little help with this but hopefully in time I can be the bigger person and feel better about myself knowing I did the right thing Great topic marciascott
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Thank you for saying this is a great topic, but can you forgive those 2 people you are talking about?
@stacy624 (2777)
• Canada
25 Feb 09
Not at this point in time!!! That where I need to get the strenght and just let go! I will keep you posted when this day happens and I sure hope its sooner than later =)
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
25 Feb 09
I hope so too stacy624!
• United States
24 Feb 09
I am so so sorry to hear that this happend to your daughter. My God really the only thing at this point you can do is pray for your hear not to be hardend towards him and healing for you and your daughter. For him, still pray that God deals with him and not allow it to be in your hands. God says, Vengance is His, whatever you do allow God to take vengance in his hands towards him. All you can do is you and your daughter heal through this but please try not to hate him.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Thank you! I don't really hate this person, It was just a figure of speak. But I know that I can never be near him ever.
• United States
24 Feb 09
And you shouldn't nor your children. I do wish you lots of success in life and will keep you and your children in my prayers.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I have forgiven everyone for everything they have ever done to me. from childhood to right at this moment. More importantly, I have forgiven myself. When the Lord askes us to forgive, it's not to say that the person that did something "wrong" is not held accountable for their accounts. it's so that we can move on from what happened. The Lord doesn't want us to get stuck in the past, or the moment. We are to learn from what happened, and then move on. even if that lesson is we can't trust that person, or we don't want them around our children, or don't lend them money. their is a lesson to be learned in everything that happens. forgivness is for us, not for them. So please make sure you forgive everyone for everything. Even those who do things that can be consider "unforgivable" you will see how this one thing, will change your life
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Thank you for your input 34momma, I wish my daughter could read this whole discussion. It would make her feel a whole lot better, It really took a load off of me, from listening to each and everyone of you.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
25 Feb 09
I am glad that I and the other mylotters could be of help to you. I know that sometimes it can weigh on our minds. But the Lord said to let your heart be as light as a feather. so forgivness is key to that. Good Luck and God Bless
1 person likes this
@JoyfulOne (6240)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I think it's hard, but not totally impossible. I know that religion preaches to give forgiveness, and that by not forgiving it hurts us more because we hold a grudge. And by holding a grudge, the very grudge and act still claims power over our souls. I do understand what you mean, and I do understand where you're coming from. Some things are so painful to even contemplate giving forgiveness for. In my mind, you can forgive somebody, yet realize what they have done is still terrible and life altering. By forgiving, I feel I am releasing the hate from the incident yet knowing that person is not to be trusted. Forgive thine enemies is a hard pill to swallow (like you said). I could forgive the person, pray for them to see the error of what they've done. Knowing they were capable of that kind of injustice would never let me trust them again. Forgiving, and forgetting, are two separate things. (I know what I'm trying to say, but I'm not totally sure I'm getting what I want to say across right.) Hugs...Joy
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12646)
• United States
24 Feb 09
You said it very well Joy, I feel the same way.
2 people like this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Thanks for you input ladies, I just got back from work, so I am replying to this discussion. the pastor just made me think about forgive a person, even when they have done you wrong, that is what made me think about this.
• China
25 Feb 09
It reminds me something...Yet I still haven't had myself clear that whether I've forgiven or not,actually my mind has been telling me I gotta forgive while my heart doing the contrary,my mind is fighting with my heart!But I know with the time being the anger and hatred is fade away... Things happened is happened,hatred is not gonna change anything while forgiveness may probably offer you releasing from mind.Try to think in different ways,positive ways!Like,you are supposed to be happy with early discovery of the truth,no more tough,no more hurt!He/She is just one of the wrong persons you met in your life and never let them ruin your life again! You know,things going badly tend to load a lot in your mind and it also might more or less affect your mood,not good!So if possible let go of it and start your brand-new life without him/her,without hatred,without hurt,without pain,instead,with a peaceful heart!We need to know only ourselves is the best to us. Of course,it takes time!Time will heal the wound.You might not know it until some time later...You may find things are not that bad actually."Choose to see the value in your situation,choose to look forward with confidence instead of looking backward with resentment."This is what I read in a book,quite make sense. ~Fighting~
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Welcome to Mylot it wasn't a she it was a He. Thanks for your input. Welcome to mylot, if you keep writing like this you are sure too make more. Seriously I appreciate you thought. Have a nice Eveing!
• United States
24 Feb 09
I know that it can be hard to forgive someone whom you think has wronged you so badly, but will hating that person really solve anything? That is what i always ask myself whenever one of my friends is really pissing me off. If you start to hate someone and you keep on hating them then eventually your hate for that person consumes you. This is a dangerous point that should always be avoided. perhaps that person didnt mean to harm you or perhaps they did, but absolutely nothing can come out hating some one except pain and hurt. Its better to forgive and forget than to hold a grudge.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Well Maybe your right. I really don't hate anyone.
• United States
24 Feb 09
Hi Marcia, I recently have just went through what you have gone through and felt the way you feel about forgiving someone that's suppose to be your friend. Friends are suppose to be true, heart felt and longlasting but guess what their hard to find and keep these days. A woman that I have been friends with for almost ten years now has betrayed me on more than one occassion and guess what I found it in my heart and best interest to forgive. I'm not saying it was easy to do, no it most definitley was the hardest thing to do. But After apologizing for my end even though I shouldn't of had to apologize for something I didn't do wrong but was wronged, blessings started pouring in from God. So your Pastor was right in telling you to forgive even though you were not wrong. Think of it this way, if God didn't forgive us for everything we did wrong, where would we be and what kind of people would we be? It is also true that to forgive you have to forget, because if you can't forget it you have then defeated the purpose and meaning of forgiving. Sometimes we have to put our emotions to the side and move ourselves out the way and kind of sit back and analyze why people who call themselves our friends do us that way. But you know what my conclusion to this was? Because they have a lack of self esteem within themselves, they need to take out on someone so why not us whom they call their friends and some just don't know how to appreciate and have a friend so the best result for this is to simply pray for them be a friend from a distance.
@B3lla86 (101)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I saw a movie this weekend, Madea goes to jail, and just like all of Tyler Perry's movies, this one had a wonderful lesson to be learn and a moral to the story. Most people believe that forgiveness is merely a religious priority, but its so much more than that. I'm certainly not going to preach to you, but no matter the religion or lack thereof, forgiveness is a major part of life. Forgiveness is not for the offender, but for the victim. When you hold animosity against someone they possess control over your life, whether you realize it or not. Also, just because you forgive does not mean you have to forget. Forgiving someone simply lets them know that they no longer have power over your life and you are ready to move on. I believe its a major part of having a strong successful life.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Oh, I haven't seen that Movie yet I hear it is really good, I must see it. the Thing is will My daughter ever forgive that person, I don't think so. thanks for your input!
@dalyme3 (88)
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
I dont know if I can ever forgive someone who has done something really wrong to one of my loved ones. I think I wont be able to just to let you know honestly. It's hard to even forgive someone who has done you wrong directly and this happens. I'd probably be crazy to do that. Gotta be true to my feelings, you know.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Yes, It really is hard. But That Pastor made me think about this Hard.
@eksmith (64)
• United States
24 Feb 09
God says to forgive (the forget part...I have no knowledge of). Forgiveness is more for the forgiver, not necessarily the one being forgiven. I like to view forgiveness as letting go of the anger and hatred and reclaiming your right to peace. It doesn't mean you have to forget or even be a part of that person's life. It means that you let go of the emotions of the event or act, not the memory. I have forgiven many who have wronged me, on many different levels. I can tell you that it is a choice that you make over and over again sometimes, but it's worth it. It's one of the hardest things that we can do, however it's also one of the most fulfilling. Good luck and take care!
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I use to use those words all the time, I would tell my Husband God said you should forgive and forget, He wasn't getting alone with His Mother and father, It took me to tell him these words, and you know what, He forgave them.
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
Forgiveness is the key - A photo showing a man confused on how to forgive someone
It is really hard thing to do for sure. But we have to try and do it. Jesus said that we should love our enemy.Do good to them that hate you. Very very hard thing to do specially when someone did so bad to you and you will show him the opposite of what he is doing to you. Simply God let us experience this things so that we may know how to handle difficulties in life. That following Christ is everything to us. And it is not that easy since we will be having trials, tribulations and persecutions. We are like lambs to the slaughters right. So to be able to do what God is telling us, we need Him to give us strength, spiritually. And to abide that, we need to have more patience and understanding that will only come from God.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Amen to that, I will come back to this disussion, I hate to go to work now, Have a great day! May God bless you!
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
Yes, i think i have a very forgiving heart. I look at the good in every person and even if he/ she has done wrong to me, i am still willing to forgive, ONLY if he/ she asks for forgiveness and there's sincerity on that person. if i see sincerity then i think i will be able to forgive. But if i see no remorse on that person, i think i can get by living without the presence of that other person.
@marciascott (25550)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Thanks for your input, the Pastor just gave me something to think about so I wanted to hear others opionion. It is hard to forget.
@gemini_rose (16268)
12 Apr 09
No I can not forgive someone who has really done me a wrong, not deep inside. I can cover it and pretend I have and even forget about it for a while but the pain of it never really goes away so no I cannot forgive. I mean it has to be a pretty bad wrong for me to be like that though.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
28 Feb 09
it so happens that , sometimes humans do feel like that , its nature, nothing can be done .... i've felt like that ..... [b]as a Muslim i believe , God says that if you forgive your rank in front of Him will increase. its not a sin , not to forgive but if you forgive you will be placed higher in the sight of GOD than that person.... [/b]
1 person likes this
• Australia
27 Feb 09
I've been through many terrible things, things that most people would find hard to forgive, but I have forgiven the people who have hurt me and abused me. It is in not forgetting about what that person/s did that reminds me of the kind of people I want to have in my life, which are complete opposites to the ones who have hurt me. By not forgiving, I feel a person is ashamed of the positive things that came out of what they went through. If I hadn't of been used and abused by my best friend for 7 years, then I would never have found the strength to be the person I am today- I would still be around highly abusive people. I forgive her for what she did to me, but I won't forget and I definitely won't be giving her the opportunity to do it again (she's one of those who statistically won't change), but I thank her for the way she treated me too, because it made me see what kind of person I wanted to be and that I was the stronger personality of the 2 of us- I have gone far with my life, and she hasn't- i have gained more, and she hasn't- I've grown as a person, and she is still the same.
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7386)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I MAY eventually forgive the person that did me wrong... well, I may not be able to, but I would never forget. We should never forget, I mean how can we forget.. every experience in life, good AND bad, is what makes us and is part of us. Anyway, I can't forgive the person who did me wrong, just yet.
1 person likes this
@hershiez (464)
24 Feb 09
Hi and Hello marciascott! ^_^ Hmmmm...I easily forgive but, I can't easily forget. I just pray and let God give their "karma". He is the only one that has the right or power to give punishment for those who made a very big mistake to someone. Have a nice day! ^_^
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84213)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Feb 09
Usually if the person will admit they were wrong, say they're sorry and not do anything like that again, I can forgive them. There are certain things that I'm sure I wouldn't be able to forgive though. And forget? Nope, never...
1 person likes this