My middle child is rebelling! PLEASE HELP ME!
By jashley1
@jashley1 (746)
United States
February 24, 2009 1:41pm CST
Ok - so when I had my third child who is now 15 months old, my two daughters were fine with it. However, I am finding that my daughter who is my middle child and age 4 is now really yearning for attention and doing a lot of negative things for it. I feel like I give her a lot of love but perhaps she really needs extra attention?
I mean, my oldest is 5 and in Kindergarten so she wants to be a big girl and go to Kindergarten and it was the hardest thing to explain to her that she would have to wait for that. To make matters worst she was in full time preschool until I came off my job when I had my baby because childcare for three at that time was just way too expensive and so we had to make that financial decision. She is now going to a drop in preschool but only once or twice a week and only for half days. So she is upset because she can't go to school and not even preschool full time now.
On the other end of the spectrum she's upset because she feels as though we love the baby more since he obviously needs more attention, even though we try to do special activities only for the bigger girls to help even things out, and we always try to explain to them how he's a baby and is helpless right now while they are our big girls and how we love that they are so helpful and can do things by themselves. And probably another factor is that he was our only boy so she may feel like he gets a little more attention for that reason - although we definately don't favor one or the other and try our best to make everyone feel loved and special!
I need help. I know that I need to give her more attention but it is super hard to find time and ways to single her out. Please give me your suggestions if you've had similiar experiences! My boy is so busy so I'm always having to watch him and I can't afford babysitting right now - and my husband is in school and works tons of hours to be the provider. What are special ways that you've come up with?
Thanks for your input!
2 people like this
8 responses
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
26 Feb 09
Sounds like she may be missing the structure that the all day preschool was providing her. Try scheduling in certain times of the day where you can be consistent for her to have some drawing time or other art project time. Also some time to practice letters and numbers, and story time. Also make sure she is getting a couple of small healthy snacks during the day like likely got at preschool. Hungery kids are crabby kids. You don't have to sit with her when she does her art time, but instruct her on what to do and be near by to praise her.
@GAUCI123 (1042)
• Malta
25 Feb 09
At 4 she is so young, and it will be obvious that she is seeking attention. Try to involve her, when changing the baby, let her help you hold his nappy and let her see you when you are changing him. This will help her realize that he is so small and that he still use the diaper. Praise her frequently, that she is a good girl, she is your helper, that she is helping you to take care of the baby. She will feel important and that she is giving her help. Try to talk too her, even when you are busy, talking helps her to realise that you are thinking about her. This may help, having these small ages is difficult, but with time she will realise what a great family she has.
@sbeauty (5865)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Make her feel important by having her help you with little chores like getting the baby's diaper or sprinkling cheese on a pizza. You have to do those things anyway, and it isn't that harder to include her in what you're doing. Praise her when she does a good job. Try to ignore her negative behavior as much as you can. She's doing those things for the attention, and the more attention you give to her when she does them, the more she'll act out.
I doubt there's a middle child in any family anywhere that hasn't felt like your daughter is feeling. She can't do what her older sister does but isn't baby enough any more to demand all the attention the baby does. Just work at trying to make her feel secure in her position as middle child, and you'll all live through the experience.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
25 Feb 09
This is very common with the middle child. When I had my third baby, my middle child started to act out too. I decided that I didn't want him to have the middle child syndrome so I started to give him some extra positive attention. Every day during babies nap time we would spend special time together. Then when dad came home he would take baby and I would do something special with my middle child.
Now if you as my other children, they will say that I favored my middle child. I guess there is no hope!
@ellie26 (4139)
• Malaysia
25 Feb 09
It must be pretty hard on you. I have three sons, 15, 13 and youngest is 5. Usually the third child will be the hardest to handle because before the youngest came, he was the youngest in the family, so the attention was really on him. And when the youngest sibling added to the picture, he is no longer getting the attention he needed. What I did was to make him feel important like asking him to help around with his baby brother. I usually ask him to help me getting the diapers or get him to watch his little brother while I make the milk. Sometimes, when I bathe my baby, I would get him involved in the process. I would ask him to get the towel or may be get the clothes. In that way he feels like he is not being neglected and at the same time he feel that he is the big brother. I hope my experience will give you some idea. Good luck.
@GloriaSimpson (10)
• United States
25 Feb 09
My biggest piece of advice would be to ignore the negative behavior and over praise her for her good behavior. Sounds like, in her 4 year old mind, she has had to sacrifice for the new baby. (ie no more daycare/full time preschool) Since baby arrived, the only one that has had negative changes are her. (from a 4 year old perspective) Children want attention, be it negative or positive, its still attention. Watch what she does, and praise her for things she doesn't expect, like turning a light off, or putting her cloths on correctly.
I have to agree with other posters about spending quality time with just her, letting her know how special she is. A middle child has a rough row to hoe. Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you.
Smiling...
G
@jashley1 (746)
• United States
26 Feb 09
That's so true! She probably does feel like she's the only one who gets cheated. I never thought about it like that. I am trying to give her playdates and things while my oldest is at school so she can feel like she gets special activities as well. Thanks for the info!
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
25 Feb 09
From what I've seen, the best way to make your middle child love your youngest is to make her feel like she's the older sister. Try to get her involved in taking care of the youngest by asking her to stay with you while you watch the baby - of course, don't live them alone with each other, that would just be negligence :P And instead of assuring her that the youngest needs more time because he's helpless, make her feel like a big girl by appreciating her actions when she's trying to do things on her own. Focus your speech on her, instead of the baby :)
Thanks for the response on my discussion!
http://thingswelovetohate.blogspot.com
http://canihascheeseburger.blogspot.com
@FayeSLongo (306)
• United States
24 Feb 09
First I would like to say that I only have one child but my bestfriend has four and she and I are very close. She is going through something very similar right now but she is a single parent. What she decided to do is to have me take the baby once a week so she can spend one on one time with her middle child. You could take turns doing this with your husband - let your middle child know that this is special time for her to spend with you, let her choose the activities you do and really try to make that time special for her, even if it is only one hour. Also really encourage her to help with the baby - she's a big sis now and that is a big deal, let her help in small ways with the baby and really go out of your way to help her feel needed when it comes to carring for the little one.
It's tough but this is also something she'll get over. Right now she's probably feeling stuck in the middle (no pun intended), she can't go to school AND she may feel that she has lost her place at home. Assure her that you understand how she's feeling and that it's ok.
Best of luck to you and I hope this helps.
